Last minute shopping?

Need ideas for a last minute gift? Small is always good... especially if it involves a bit of fun and loving play.

May your holiday be rich with love, if nothing else... nothing else is as precious as each other, the trust, love, and intimacy that you are capable of sharing.

Dear Friends ...

Wishing everyone all the best in these ... most interesting times.
Merry Christmas!

As I was writing a few holiday cards last night, I had the IFC channel on the TV, and quickly realized that the movie was quite interesting. Body of Evidence was uncut and loaded with more body than evidence... whew. Following it was Kinsey, also not a new movie, it is just that I don't see much TV, and this was also quite interesting... and contained, obviously a serious boatload of different aspects of human sexuality that I've read about in the past several months. I'm sure I am probably the last one to see these two; the first for more just raw sex and 'who dun it' intrigue, and the second for material I did not know was covered in the Kinsey research. Honestly... I did get all my cards finished... at about 1am.

Digging Deeper into ... Myself?

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Trust & Intimacy comment

A writer "Wads" on another website expressed a few comments that I think mirrors what I have been wondering for a couple months... to a point:

...The question of how he could be ok with another man screwing his wife hit me. It all had to do with intimacy and trust. Let me explain:

Intimacy - Sex is the most intimate act we humans can experience. While this may be hard for non lifestylers to understand, there is an indescribable degree of intimacy in watching your partner “fucking” someone else. I use the term “fucking” purposely, because that is what is going on. Pure, animalistic pleasure seeking fun. You love someone, you naturally want to see them enjoy themselves. Lets face it, nothing is more fun then sex. I believe it is narrow minded to think that ones partner is the only source of sexual pleasure that he or she could ever experience in a lifetime. Some may say that they don’t want their partner to feel sexual pleasure from anybody but them. That sounds selfish to me. Believe me, a new and vast area of intimacy is achieved when jealously and selfishness are tossed out the window and a partner is trusted to “fuck around” and enjoy him or herself. When you are just watching the action you can feel yourself connecting with your partner in a way you never thought possible. Although there are three of you in the room, it is something the two of you are really doing together. I know this may be hard to comprehend for some. Even if the “fucking” takes place with the observing partner out of the room, it is still very intimate even spiritual and can further deepen the bond of trust between a couple.

Trust - Lets face it, we should be constantly learning as we go though life. Learning about the world outside and more importantly about ourselves. Through experiencing sex with others we can learn a great deal more about what makes us tick. For example: How would you know you don’t like peanut butter if you never tried it? How would you know you don’t like a double penetration if you never tried it either? I have never “fucked” two women that were exactly the same between the sheets or otherwise. Each one brought something special to the experience By allowing your partner full access to life’s sexual buffet is both an ultimate act of love and trust."

I'm inclined to agree with him, but as I may have already stated in previous posts, this would not be merely my own interest served; it would have to be hers as well, for as you may have noticed, her pleasure is paramount, even though I would want to soon follow any extracurricular sexual episode with one of our own. Yes, playing on the tease & denial route, when she decides...

I need to follow up in my next post... In the mean time; I hope everyone is having a great & loving Sunday.

Love and Kinks?

I've been bad... I've been all over the web today. And not really accomplishing anything, except gathering a wealth of insight on life that don't really pertain to me at the moment. I'm looking forward to the holidays when I will have a little more time to do the same.

Nice catching up on a few blogs; love to check in and see shat so many are writing about. I usually start with Tom (school reunion??) over at the Edge of Vanilla, and Lady Julia of course; she usually makes my day ... love that lady. And lately, checking in with Rach & Andrew, Ally & Hubby, and Bacon & Lettuce over on the Hot Wife side. If you read any of my previous posts, you know I have a history there that I had buried in my memories until reading these recent posts, and gaining some insight on what that world is all about. There are a dozen more as well when I have time...

I've been a monogamous partner for 10 years now, but in my previous relationship, not so much... the brief dip into the MFM world as mentioned, and a string of other relationships, and many fond memories...

Still, the desire to remain monogamous remains, but I can't stay in the loveless trench I find myself. I realize too many sleepless nights, dreaming about love & intimacy. The loveplay with male chastity is still strong, and oddly, the interests in sharing obviously touches a nerve... in a different way. It could be shear desire to have that deep of a relationship, with the confidence that the strength of our love would forever endure while extending the pleasure and excitement of my lover, while keeping the excitement in our relationship as well.

I know there are scores of people out there that wouldn't for a moment think about such a past time, and would judge us wrong for this path taken. Of course, if you are such a person, it is time to exit this blog immediately.

For the rest of us, realizing the depth and strength of relationship excitement at this level is excuciating, frightening, tingly, nerve racking, and wonderfully pleasurable. Ahhh.. time to go down to the basement gym, or hit the snow shovel... I think we have about 5" of new snow by now.

My first personal photo!

I participated in the Turkey Trot... can you see me? Yeah, in the red hat! Hope everyone had a safe & sane Thanksgiving, and appreciate the day, friends, family, and good health.

Dreaming again... T&D

As I was doing other things, I managed to allow sex to creep into my mind for a moment... I know, that is probably typical male, but in my state of mind, it was more of a miracle. And maybe healthy. I logged in and played with a 'new look' for this blog, re-published some of my earlier posts, and reading through some of them. Damn... I should get back to real work, but I'm a bit distracted and venture into reading into some of the other interesting blogs.

Like the wife of a favorite, Ms Bdenied, writing about her perspective on 'tease & denial' that it was a bit of a journey for her to appreciate that, even though it seemed harsh and even cruel, it really is something many of us 'males' do (maybe reluctantly) want, and hope you women can come to actually enjoy. That part of it, I suspect, only comes with trial & error, but once some of the other aspects of it become apparent, you will appreciate this play with increasing ease.

This of course, comes with a bit of a caveat, that will vary with each of us. The teasing and denial, even over a few days, will ultimately build to climax. Yes, we have granted you the power of control, and the decision is yours, and hopefully, to maximize the harvest of all that this play has to offer, you will know when to fully appreciate the time to peak enjoyment for both of you. As the blog comments mentioned, this is play we all need to consider more... and offers the honest communication possibility for this spark of intimacy. Ladies, if think your lover is not open to this, just strip him down and talk about it... the observation may prove that not all communication is verbal.

Enjoy... everyone.

Time... to get a life

Fantasy time is going away... this blog may just become a normal journal, just blow steam, and not worth anyone's time. So delete any references to this old blog. This isn't to say I won't stop by and read yours ...

I just need to focus on life.

Two is company...

OK... I'm struggling here. I never know where I stand in this 'relationship'. Actually, I'm just a room mate. Period. Add 'fool'. This has to change...

I've been reading a variety of blogs, and a million thoughts go through my head, but... in the end, I think the one thing I really want the most is simply a loving relationship. After that, obviously, is the communication. That is the core of almost all the relationships I have been reading; communicate and be honest... establish and build the trust, and don't get lazy.

Keep building that trust and sharing what passes through your head with her. It is sometimes work, but hey... many of the blogs would not be there, or worth reading with only a fantasy here and there. When both of you are making comments and blogging, the rest of us really sit up and notice. Thank you for sharing... It gives me hope that someday I can get there.

I'm rambling...

Whoa... Interesting profile

This 'test', from okcupid.com is actually pretty interesting...

*** ***

TYPE N

You scored 83 imagination, 71 confidence, 33 dominance, and 67 generosity!

You are a KINKY, CONFIDENT, SUBMISSIVE lover who prefers to GIVE. This means that:

You like relatively kinky sex, and you have the great imagination that will always keep your partner guessing and excited! There's no getting bored with you around, you could never settle for dull sex, you want something fun and new all the time. You aren't afraid to try out anything you hear about. You might just be an intelligent lover who needs to be mentally engaged, or perhaps you have some dirty dark secret kinky desires, but either way, you're never boring.

You are pretty confident in bed. This means that you know you can please your lover. Maybe you've read a lot of sex manuals, or have the experience from previous lovers, or just tend to be skilled at whatever you get your hands on, but you're good and you know it. You can really get results and know that you have pure talent, so you won't be hiding away shy, pretending to be all innocent. Your partners love your naughty self assurance, you don't hesitate and this makes you a sensational lover.

You tend to be submissive in bed, so you prefer to go along with what your lover likes rather than your own plans. You might like being ordered around and acting out a slave/master fantasy, or perhaps you just get turned on by being helpless and unable to move. Or maybe it's as simple as you lacking courage so preferring firm instructions in bed to make sure you are doing things right. Either way, you won't be dominating your lover anytime soon, and might prefer the missionary position to any others.

You prefer to give than receive. This makes you a very unselfish lover, devoted to the needs of your partner rather than your own. You get your pleasure from seeing them get theirs, you are a model sex partner. I'm sure plenty of people would love to have someone like you in bed with them! Remember though that if your partner gets pleasure from returning the favour it's okay to let them, they might love giving as much as you do!

WE SUGGEST YOU: Get crazy with the kissing. It sounds basic, but perhaps with all your wonderful kinky antics and games, you have forgotten how good it can feel just to kiss someone all over, and have the same done to you! Practise with different kissing styles, kiss your lover in places you've never kissed them before. Kiss to tickle, kiss to seduce, kiss for hours, or kiss when you know you can't go any furthur with it, like when you have to be at work soon. Rediscover kissing.

*** ***

If you have read any of my previous posts, you can see 'inclinations' that would correspond to their assessment. Have you tried this?

Back again...

Wow... it has been a few days since the last entry. Or anything for that matter... except for a huge surprise the other afternoon. Warm afternoon, changing clothes, and she just plops down on the bed, naked... and says 'let's talk'. Sex was a far out of the universe as it has for the last two years. I'm not sure what did it... but minutes later, we're kissing, and loving, and ... thank you Lord, invited to kiss those other tender precious lips. Fortunately, she does not like to finish without penetration. I think I was very afraid that after so long apart, I wouldn't last two seconds. Thankfully, that was not the case, and her wishes came strong and hard, and at that moment that I slowed to allow that glow... I thought seriously of backing out, and denial by my choice. But no... I started again until I also enjoyed my own tremendous orgasm.

Damn, I hope we can get back to a 'normal' relationship. Because, I still want to pursue going to the edge...

A quick read of a new blog I stumbled upon mentions her thoughts on male chastity at 21st Century Goddess which still rings my chimes. Especially her last comments:

"Another aspect of chastity is a wickedly fun one. The tease and denial realm. Imagine the power you have in your hands. Keeping your partner in a sexual frenzy but not allowing him to fulfill his need or desire to orgasm. Huzzah, that is power. Exploring the different ways to keep him at a peak but withholding the final "leap". OOOoooooooo...and the begging and pleading that comes with it? Please, please let me cum. How can anyone not enjoy that? *wink*."

Ahh... maybe someday. Also interesting that male chastity should make the news paper, as Tom relates in his blog. The Salt Lake Tribune of all places... . Although, I am a bit surprised that AL Enterprises are under the impression that US sales involve a much different role than in Europe. Interesting that they have sold 'thousands and thousands' of these devices around the globe and they're impression is that thousands of men are wearing them everyday across the country. I think it's time to quit hiding this play... wear the regular lock through airport security. Let's find out if TSA has any sense of humor...

Think play and fun... as in our lady's comments above.

As my curiosity took over, I also went back to Rach & Andrew's blog, and happily found they are still alive & well. Make that VERY alive and well. The level of intensity and trust in that relationship drives me crazy... I'm so jealous. I'm not sure I could go there with the HotWife lifestyle.. well, obviously not at the moment... I'm sure I could IF we enjoyed the same level of relationship that Rach & Andrew have, and especially if she really wanted it, and wanted to share the joy that it would bring her. (Yeah... read my previous entry). An interesting insight from another blogger... this is not for the young; it is more typically by the mid-30's group, and older, with a mature comfort of their relationship. Yes, I really do want her to be my lifetime happy partner...

OK... time to get the bike out and head to the post office. This outrageous cost for gasoline might be a good thing... keep me in shape, and maybe do as well the next time she feels a bit sparky.

Have a great day everyone...

More on that topic...

I just read through my last post... and shake my head. I wish I had a clue then what was going on, and had I not experienced this firsthand, I still might wonder if all this is just someone's fantasy. No...

It was all very true. Sorry it is the 'quick version', and not as well written as Andrew & Rach. Time is not something that comes easily at the moment...

I have to wonder if this wasn't the kickoff for a number of my other escapades in those years. Strip poker with the neighbors, sex regularly in places that would send a jolt through most people, and other fun things. I have never mentioned the Mel & Lynn adventures with ANYONE since it happened... Now I'm writing it in a blog that the entire world can read.

I was just checking out another link attempting to give insight to the "Cuckold Husband/Hotwife Phenomena" by a researcher that provides a number of items that may drive this activity. Some seem to 'ring a bell', while others just don't remotely do it for me. It may be worth a read if you are on that path also... (or think you want to).

I mentioned labels in my previous post, and want to debunk them.. Yuck! Some of the guys and even some of the women use the 'slut' term. I hate it... does that age me? I don't use the 'c' word much either... Anyway, I do admit, we DO use the slut term in the house every week, but usually in regards to a light hearted issue, like... I am such a chocolate slut. She is such a champagne slut. Don't ask me why... we just never use it in regards to sex.

The 'cuckold' label still bothers me, but I think I just can't get past the humility aspect that is usually laid with it. I just see it differently. I'm not in the mood to have her degrade me over my less than good attributes, especially in 'public'. In a fantasy, I could see myself in a situation like...

She and I are together in a large room, with a trusted friend, and about to enter into this HotWife world. We've talked, fantasized, enjoyed multitudes of great sex and lovemaking while considering this journey. We've enjoyed a few fine intoxicating beverages, we're casually naked, and comfortable as can be under the circumstances. Actually, I imagine myself, and her, just a wee bit tense... . I am shaven, and caged in a CB-6000, and she is wearing the key on her ankle bracelet. I've been caged for a couple days, in anticipation of this possible evening, and as per her wishes, my sexual energy is 'hers' until she wishes... which I anticipate, and hope, will be soon.

For as we delve into this path, I've tried to keep her as satiated as possible, without my penetration. She does indeed love the power exchange that I've consented to providing her. And she has taken advantage of the situation as usual, by teasing me every moment she can. Teasing unmercifully, but not humiliating, knowing I am still the strong confident man that drew her to me from the start.

As we've attempted to understand, debate, and fantasize this HotWife 'thing', we've still enjoyed the chastity play along the way, as we've identified a few similar emotions along both paths. Like the enormous love, trust & honesty that we've found as we first ventured into the slightly non-vanilla lifestyle. Like my desire to see her as partner, equal, and entrusting the power exchange that 'liberates her' and excites me as well as her. When, as usual, I first came onto the HotWife phenomena, and shared my ever curious intrigue with it, she thought it very strange, but allowed herself to peruse some of the blogs, and discuss in detail how it might ever happen.

As she explores her own feelings and emotions, and understands the boundaries that we both desire, it becomes more exciting. Since we're both blood donors, we know that if the fantasy ever takes place, we need a safe ... very safe 'third'. He must be safe, trusted, and clean... and realize that he is merely a 'tool' of our fantasy, and although sharing an occasional brew on the pub patio, knows there are limits to this special friendship. And must be comfortable knowing I am present and sharing in the excitement that is hers, and all hers... whether he is satisfied or not is truly not a concern, unless she wants it.

I know I'm rambling... but somehow knowing this pleasure is hers, with a devoted loving husband sharing this experience, with my energy caged and kept until she wishes, and a freedom granted to her that she now controls, is as exasperating and exciting as one can possibly express in words.

Anyway... the thought of when his cock finally meets her precious lips, and gently fills her, drives her ... and her flight to a heavenly orgasm is reached, his energy spent after delivering all the pleasure she desires... and with me constrained and reserved for her later enjoyment, and our moments later, joyfully shared in our lovemaking... I'm lost for words.

If this makes me a cuckold... lay it on me. I would wear it proudly.

Ok, I'm sure this needs some time and refinement, but ... I hope this provides a hint of the intimacy I seek. Now... my dear lady, do you have your ankle bracelet on tonight? I'll go for the drink, you delicious champagne slut.

What is a hotwife?

Somehow I managed to stray over to another couple's blog that soon caught my interest. The intrigue of what they were experiencing and pursuing quickly became a fascination I could not let go of... so I read nearly the entire blog that started 3 years go.

I have to admit that I initially thought this was not real, but realized as I read through their entries that it was... and somewhere through their blog, I realized that I was a participant in exactly what they were describing, probably 20 years ago.

They started out in a fantasy that eventually became real. I don't really care for labels, and they are apparently quite OK with the 'HotWife' label (although not quite comfortable with the cuckold label that some seem to sometimes come along with this lifestyle). I'm wondering if cuckold is a label with numerous degrees... very mild to very hard. More on that later...

Anyway, the HotWife lifestyle, at least in this definition, is Andrew's thrill of watching Rachel's pleasure while having sex with another man. (Note I did not say make love to another man; she reserves that for Andrew and Andrew only. More on that later too!) Andrew is completely monogamous to Rachel. This initially sounds completely nuts... until it simmers around your head for awhile. Then a long string of thoughts emerge from you that startle you... and as you read further about this activity, you can't disagree that at least some time in your life, you may have the same desire. Ponder this awhile... More on THAT later too. One writer/researcher claims 80% of men have also shared this same line of thinking. Wow...

Well, it occurred to me, as I read more, that I was involved in a similar situation many years ago, and I clearly had no idea then what was going on, or why. It was a couple years after I graduated from the university, to which I had carpooled for several semesters with a few other guys. One of my fellow carpoolers, Mel, stayed in contact occasionally with me as we delved into our new professions. My wife & I didn't socialize much with Mel & Lynn, as we didn't have a lot in common, and Lynn was rather high in the ranks of her organization. Enough TMI... anyway, Lynn calls one evening, late, and tells me that she & Mel are having so difficulties, and could I run over and help them out?

I remember thinking this was a little odd, given the time and such, but said I would. I quickly dressed with jeans & sweatshirt, and hurried over to their townhome. Their home was one of those complexes that was entered through either a common courtyard, or through their garage, to a large patio, then into the dining and kitchen area. Lynn mentioned coming in through the garage, and the doors were up as I arrived. Is this TMI? Anyway, as I entered the patio, the light was on and I proceeded to the sliding door, and knocked. Lynn answered immediately, and Mel was no where in sight. At this point, I am a bit knocked off balance... I realize that Lynn is only wearing a light sexy robe, loosely tied, and the dining room is empty. She immediately turns off the patio light, and turns the dining room light on... full (although it is usually half way with the dimmer). Ok... I was a bit taken aback, since I didn't have a clue what was happening.

Lynn immediately throws her arms around me and I get the biggest hug ever... from someone who usually is pretty conservative, to say the least. She is sooooo glad to see me, and thanks me for coming over, and how am I?? I'm taking this all in rather quickly, as I ask about Mel, and view her robe become even more open, giving me a sensational view down to her navel... "Oh, he's gone.." I look back to her eyes, and she knows I am full of questions.

"We had a bit of a tiff and trying to work something out... Will you help?" Again, I'm curious, and of course reply that "I'll help in any way I can". At this point, the conversation goes soft (and hard, no pun intended). "Have you ever had any attraction to me?" I stumble and stammer around a bit... is this one of those trick questions like "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

I quickly gather my thoughts and reply "Lynn, you are of course very attractive! Trim, in great shape, and exceptionally smart and respected... " And she is, it's just that I really hadn't thought of her ... in my arms. She smiles at my responses, and it's like a heavy load was lifted from her shoulders... again, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me tight. I'm not sure why, but I gave her a light kiss on her neck, and that seemed to open the door. She kissed me back, and back, and ... she steps back and lets her robe fall to the floor. I am even more dumbfounded... given the speed of things happening to me. She allows me a long look down to her.. yeah, toes, then steps back and pulls up on my sweatshirt and, of course I didn't even think to resist... (this lady could easily have been described as dom, I've since realized) and I'm finishing pulling the sleeves off as she goes for the button on my jeans. Of course, she is thrilled that I didn't bother to put on any undies in my rush to come over to 'help'.

As we began to touch, kiss, and explore each other, we're soon on the floor in the middle of the dining room (where IS that dining room table & chairs??), then laying, with the chandelier on full. I'm laying with my head towards the door, an erection that would stop a train, and she sits up as she obviously has intentions of impaling herself upon me. Curiously, she seems a bit occupied with the view out the sliding glass doors to the dark patio. Is it the reflection of us in the glass?

At this point, while she slowly teases me and begins to oh.. so.. slowly.. impale herself on my cock that she begins the revelation that I had forgotten years ago. "Mel isn't really gone... please don't move... and don't look! He is on the patio watching us." I did as she asked, but I must have gone through a range of emotions that would rock a ship. It is AMAZING that I stayed hard; I can only imagine that her slow rocking, up and down my shaft, was the ONLY reason I didn't go soft at that moment.

Ok... yes, I was 'green', I didn't have a clue what this was... I didn't know what to think. But I managed to 'go with the flow', and made it through. She then asked me not to cum in her... and I was so close at this point, especially as she was heading into orgasm. Knowing she made that goal, I told her she had better lift up "NOW" or I could not honor that request... which she did, and I erupted towards that chandelier, narrowing missing her. She smiled... laughed... and I just laid there. What the hell do I do now? My cock is thrashing all over, a couple more strong spurts, and begins to soften... and retreat! What have I done? I don't understand! I have just fucked this lady, right in front of her husband!

Lynn just smiles again, sees the expressions of wonder, terror, bewilderment, happiness, and panic on my face, and she just continues to straddle me, touching me, and spreading our juices around my body as if she were doing a little finger painting. She whispers "Are you ok?" to which I just nod and keep watching her eyes... well, ok, her eyes, nipples, wonderfully adorned breasts, navel...

I was still speechless for what seemed minutes, as she comments ... "I'm not sure you understand, but you have really helped out this evening. Thank You for being the gentleman you are. I know I can trust you and look forward to talking about this... in detail. I need to ask a favor." I'm barely able to speak... "of course, Lynn... what is it?"

"Can we do this again?" I begin to nod, and she just leans forward with a deep kiss. "I suspect you have questions, and I can't answer them now. Mel will be coming around in a moment and he is only expecting to see me." Of course, with that comment, I'm up, grabbing clothes and heading for the sliding door. She smiles as I turn to say goodnight, and ask that I close the garage door on my way out.

Hence my introduction to HotWife... now it is just years later, and much reading, and a very well written blog by Andrew & Rachel that I more clearly understand the emotions. I'm sure I have a ways to go with this. But, trust me, I would not judge anyone living this lifestyle. Rather... I would be a bit jealous.

Yes, I did visit Lynn a couple more times after that first time. I suspect I was their first, and don't know what happened beyond as they moved on a while later. I really didn't get to have that discussion with either of them that I wanted, and was a bit embarrassed to ask. But it opened my world. This was the first time I had sex with anyone besides my wife since I was married... but since it was a couple years since having sex with her too, I somehow didn't complicate my world with much guilt. We divorced years later...

So here I am, a 'regular guy', romanticizing about chastity play with my SO, and reading about the wonderful life of Andrew & Rach, for which I owe much gratitude ( especially for arousing me again with a tremendous erection. Ok, it probably wouldn't have stopped a train this time, but wow...! Hey, I am a few years older now, but in very good shape, and MUCH wiser!)

I've been thinking much about 'the wonderful life of Andrew & Rach', because they have so much going for them, beginning with a level of intimacy that most couples on this planet will never even approach. The amount of honestly, emotions, trust, etc that these two have achieved is just plain heavenly. Andrew & Rach, You are so blessed... don't ever let that get away!

So... what have they journeyed into that appeals to some of us? And how can they both end an exciting evening with a gentleman friend and then make love for weeks and months with that experience bearing into their memories regularly?

I'm sure I will be visiting their blog again to look for those answers, but for the moment, the answers include the items I just mentioned above. Oh absolutely many more are involved... the voyeurism of watching your wife explore orgasms with another man is just one of many for Andrew, appreciating and sharing the pleasure she experiences in the moment. I can't really speak for Rach (visit their blog to find that), but I suspect the excitement of just experiencing the guiltless sex and pleasure it brings, along with sharing Andrew's fantasy may be another, not to mention the safety of having Andrew nearby, along with his blessing. I do remember one comment that she made about 'feeling so liberated' in this chosen lifestyle.

At this point, I can only wonder... and dismiss the 'labels' that others want to put upon them. I better put the keyboard down for now; this is probably the longest post I've made, and many more thoughts will be emerging soon.

Reality & Fantasy

I'm just not content at the moment (nor do I seem to have time) to fantasize about entering into the loveplay game of vanilla male chastity. I did wander into and found Kept4Her and appreciate their sharing real life venture into a deeper intimacy. I know they have pretty much concluded their blogging on the subject, but my hope is they come back and share fun loving experiences occasionally. And I would truly like to hear some of the comments from the keyholder side of the experience, especially if she could add insight into how many of us could approach our mates with the same path into this play.

Hope...

No, I am still alive and breathing...

and just have to stop and check in with Tom now and then make sure. For whatever reason, mostly since things are looking up on the home front a bit... I've been having vivid dreams lately, and though I'm not as eloquent as Tom, I've been meaning to post some of those here lately. Like the other night, and a most real intimate conversation that I wanted to post before too much of it drifted away.

Somehow we were discussing an article I had found on the net that mentions a couple discovering a CB-6000 and how it became a favorite play item for them. I could feel the blood rush to my head, and palms begin to get moist. I also realize that the part of my body where I expect the blood to rush... does not. "You know what a CB-6000 is?" She explains that when she found the article on my laptop that she read it and curiosity takes over. "Oh... I , uh... well..." She smiles and shares that she also found another site with a mild approach to the subject that intrigues her, and reading further there leads to more dialog that interests her.

I'm about ready to faint, when she takes my clammy hand and asks 'Your thoughts?' Before I can answer, she responds that she has also found my links to Tom's experiences, loveplay, and decides there is too much here to just 'close the door'. I'm thinking it is a good thing I'm not naked, as my body is probably surging from one extreme to the other... Or was I?? Oh there are so many times I wish I could turn on the 'dream recorder'. (And probably so many times I'm thankful I can't.)

The next thing I know, she is talking about when it should arrive at the PO Box... My eyes bolt to hers and my astute response is only "Hun?? IT? when??..."

Stay tuned... I'll try to get back to this soon.