Monday, September 28, 2009

Main Stream Chastity?

I've stumbled on a few posts and blogs that seem to be making concept a bit more well known... This first one, originally from a woman that was asking about a boyfriend's fantasy is interesting. She of course had no idea what 'male chastity' was, or even why she would indulge this fantasy with her boyfriend. It appears, six weeks later, that she is having the time of her life, and can't imagine going back.

I am particularly interested in Tom Allen's discovery of the thread and his post comments... "A few years ago I started writing a blog, where I write a little about our twist on this kink. We don't have a D/s relationship, and we try to use this simply to add some spice to our sexual relationship. We often, however, play for long periods of time, which keeps things interesting for us.

I agree that many of the forums and blogs which center on male chastity tend to take a more extreme perspective; I think that this tends to scare some people off, especially women who are just trying to get a handle on this -- after all, it's generally an idea that is brought up by the husband or BF"

and also:

First of all, I want to make it clear that neither Mrs. Edge nor I engage in this as a way to get more household chores done. I did not approach her and request denial so that I might be more attentive, and she did not agree because she thought she would have free maid service. While I understand that some people engage in those dynamics, I want to make it clear that hanging $200 worth of plastic from your tonker will not make you a better husband, nor will it change your relationship.

Mrs. Edge will be the first one (well, the second one, really) to say that I already do chores, cook meals, go shopping, etc. My denial is not a form of punishment, nor is my release a reward for good behavior. We engage in this simply because we enjoy the dynamics. Mrs. Edge enjoys having the control over me, all the more because she sees how excited it makes me. Seeing her excitement makes me more motivated to remain chaste. The double feedback has worked well for us, and each time we try it, we find new things about this.

Recently, she has become more adamant about being completely in charge of the entire situation, so we're discussing how to make that work for us. I'm hoping to write a bit about that at my blog, but I'm a little bit behind on my writing time lately. "

"Now, I will say that when two or more people get into an arrangement that challenges their ideas of emotional intimacy, then this could be a vary good thing, indeed. I still maintain that it's not the plastic (or steel) that does the actual changing; it's their willingness to give over to the new dynamic. But it entirely depends upon the people involved, and on what they bring to -- and hope to get out of -- the change in the dynamic.

And personally, I find it a little arousing when Mrs. Edge exerts a little bit of that control outside the bedroom. I mean, I'm already an attentive husband, but sometimes it's nice when she grabs me for a pash and asks me to go make her some coffee. It's not the promise of a release that does it for me, but the acknowledgment that she finds our situation -- and by extension, me -- exciting.

Tom Allen
The Edge of Vanilla

Thanks Tom... still on the same wavelength of chastity as play... exactly where I wish I were today.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Seeking first to understand...

Any attempt to divulge a fantasy always seems like a moment of enormous courage... but in our realm of playfulness, it even seems more so. So... I read into some of the posts of initial HW paths that either the man or wife shared. Wow... powerful and exciting... and sometimes very thoughtful responses. So nice to share our experiences and realize what makes us tick and how couples find their way into taking the relationship to another level.

Thanks for sharing...!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ultimate Love & Trust?

My quandary with the fascination with this subject is beyond my comprehension... but it is there obviously since I continue to revisit this fantasy.

Combining the HW with the chastity play just sends me over the moon. Yet, it would have to be an ultimate pleasure and freedom for her to really take it to the max.

Ahhh... the phone and text beckons.


OK... this will be short... but you know how a picture is worth a thousand words... or more?


Friday, September 4, 2009

Previous Post...

While browsing through some old computer files, I stumbled on an old file that I found somewhere, and had added my own thoughts... it rang my bell and I decided to share. Hope it is vanilla enough to open up a hint of future fun for some lucky couple.

After that post, and a bit of more browsing some of your pages, I still have the incredible thoughts of taking it a step further... I am incredibly aroused by her pleasure. And the thought of trusting another man to bring her that pleasure while I watch still intrigues me beyond comprehension.

Perhaps a part of this fantasy is my deep desire for gender equality; I see women as generally repressed for the past few hundred centuries and still today.

My trusting her to enjoy that pleasure with another man and then share her experience in depth with me may still be somewhat repressive..? I have given her permission to enjoy fucking another man, and come home with his semen dripping down her legs to show me.

But in the end, my 'permission' lends her all the opportunity to enjoy all the pleasure she can enjoy, and know I am waiting impatiently for her return... and know the security of what our relationship holds is as strong as ever.

Adding the chastity play on top of that permission adds another level of security (no pun intended) to her ability to fully enjoy that pleasure, and know my desire is also there (and then some...?) Oh... the complexity of the human mind.

Hope it is a great weekend...

Orgasm Denial for Loving Couples

Orgasm Denial for Loving Couples

Wait… both of you; this deserves a review.

Submitted by: sandman9355

Where do I start? Probably with a definition, and a simple one: "orgasm denial" is a practice of limiting the frequency of someone's orgasms. That was easy, wasn't it? The real trouble comes when one tries to explain the reasons for doing this to those not familiar with the concept. And even bigger trouble is to try to explain the connection between Love and Orgasm Denial to those who've seen the darker sides of this play. Well, this essay is trying to show you the loving, playful, vanilla-friendly side of it. Yes, I know... When you play orgasm denial games, one of the partners, usually the man, doesn't get to orgasm as often as he used to. Where's the fun in that? Trust me, there *is* a recipe for finding joy in it. I'll be writing about four basic ingredients: Love, Honesty, Desire, and Frustration. Oh - and I'll add a sprinkle of sex, of course.

The Love part is easy. Love your partner, and let your partner love you. When in bed, do not make love to satisfy your raw need - make love to make you both happy. Making love is more than just an exchange of genetic information. Learn (if you need to) to find joy both in pleasuring your partner and being pleasured. Share your partner's happiness. Learn to say what you think is obvious - neither men nor women are telepaths - and learn to listen. The words "I love you" might be an ‘age old’ phrase; your partner might have heard this from you a thousand times, and yet... You *know* you should keep saying those words. Don't let the passage of time steal your love - work on keeping it alive.

Let's take a look at Honesty now. You're reading this text, so the chances are you're not 100% vanilla, and even if you've never done anything kinky the words "orgasm denial" have caught your attention. Either you actually enjoy the idea of experiencing this, or you want to at least think about it for a while. Look inside your mind for the truth, and be honest.

Be honest towards yourself - you are who you are, and hiding the truth from yourself is unlikely to do you any good. There's nothing wrong with being willing to accept your consenting partner's expression of love (i.e. you're no pervert if you enjoy being the one who denies, provided your partner agrees to be denied), and there's nothing wrong with wanting to focus on your partner's pleasure (i.e. being the one on an orgasm diet). Accept the fact that the idea of orgasm denial excites you, and let it become something that will enrich your sex life, not a source of self-loathing or other negative emotions.

Be honest towards your partner - let them know about your fantasies. Now, I'm not saying that you should run and tell them all your darkest, deepest secrets. You might want to keep some of those really secret, and you might want many of them remain nothing but fantasies. Your partner might not be ready for all your kinks, might even find them repulsive. But, if you never make a single step towards honesty, you'll never know where that path leads. Every journey begins with the first step, and if you wish to ever reach your goal you'll have to take that first step.

Another ingredient in loving orgasm denial is Desire. Loving orgasm denial *needs* mutual desire, it *needs* a desire for physical intimacy - and at the same time it *creates* this desire, this need for one's partner. It doesn't matter whether you're the denying or the denied one. You always want to feel desire for your partner, even more so if you want to practice orgasm denial, but luckily this is a kink that will amplify the desire.

Are you the denied one? Of course you will feel desire. All the energy you would have put into your orgasms is now coursing through you, trying to find a way out. Instead of being sated, your desire for your partner will grow, and you'll feel full of love, desire and energy.

And if you're the denying one? You will feel wanted, desired, you'll feel *loved*. You'll know that you can let your passions run free, that your partner will want to make love for as long as you will... You'll know that your partner *wants* you to let go and reach ecstasy...

Some of you will be probably surprised by the Frustration part of this essay. You see, I don't want to talk about sexual frustration (okay, I'll give it a short mention...). Instead I want to prepare newbies and romantic souls for a different sort of frustration - frustration that will be caused by internet forums dealing with orgasm denial being full of hardcore fetishist (and lunatics). Yes, surely you will feel some sexual frustration once you give orgasm denial a try - but such frustration does have a kinky side to it, can be played with, can be kind of pleasurable... Be honest; you felt some of this back when you were dating. You might feel frustrated even when you're the denying one, feeling like your loved one doesn't want the orgasms you want to give - until you realize that playing this game gives both you and your partner more pleasure than those orgasms ever could...

But if you're mostly vanilla, and romantic to boot, you better be prepared to meet all kinds of crazies and fanatics out there on the internet. Sure there are people who practice orgasm denial within a loving relationship - but you hardly ever see them on most of the kinky forums and sites. It is the ones with a cause, the extremist ones, who are most vocal (the rest of us are just having too much fun to share with the weirdos). You'll meet guys claiming that men are inferior creatures, self-declared dominas with zero experience, people only in it for the money, delusional fools with little grasp on reality, intrusive jerks who probably type one handed most of the time... Don't let them force their views on you, and don't let them spoil your own vanilla kink.

Orgasm denial can help you enjoy fantastic sex. It can lead to lovemaking that takes hours... It can help you accept the pleasures your partner wants to give... It gives you a reason to stop pursuing your orgasm and focus on the act itself, on making love to the person you love... It can help you stop concentrating on orgasms alone and better enjoy the whole experience... It makes the whole act of making love more important than the end of it... It can fill the time when you're not actually having sex, with stronger love and desire... It can help you try out more than just plain old missionary position - popular are things like long sessions of oral sex, various toys including real chastity devices, role-playing games... It might nudge you towards a path you'd have never noticed otherwise...

And it might sound crazy - you have to "give up" something intensely pleasurable, or deny it to someone you love, and the whole concept sounds real weird at first. You might go at it for hours, give it your best, and one of you might be left panting and full of unspent energy. Give it a try. You know, there's one thing you can be sure of - there'll be a * very* sweet reward awaiting you at the end of it.

So how would this play into us… maybe something like:

We’ve just been showering together, and you are out first, toweling dry, while I’m finishing with a quick rinse. You’ve disappeared into the bedroom, and once I’ve toweled dry, step into the bedroom to find you’ve probably gone to make coffee. Then I notice a familiar velvet bag laying on the bed. I smile, hang up my towel back in the bath, and realize my mindset of prepping for the day has been derailed. I step over to the bed, empty the bag and, still smiling, reach for the ‘A’ ring, and joining the other parts of the ring, gently but quickly guide the chastity cage into place, and finally, route the padlock through the locking pin. If I don’t get this done quickly, I have to ‘cool things down’ before I can begin to get the cage on, while trying to keep my mind elsewhere for a minute. With the cage on, my imagination already soars, and my cock quickly fills the last little space remaining in the cage.

That’s about when you step back into the bedroom with a hot cup of aromatic hazelnut coffee that draws my attention. Of course, your attention is on the cage, and the padlock ready for you. You set down the cup, smile with that mischievous glint in your eye that also says ‘thank you’. I draw our naked bodies together for a deep slow passionate kiss, and a moment later, you keep the kiss while reaching down to cup my exposed family jewels, and one-handedly manage to ‘click’ the padlock closed. With that motion, and the sound of that ‘click’ that we have both come to appreciate, you pull back to look me deep in the eye, and study my reaction. Yes… I’m yours, and you gleefully respond with a prance in your step that sets the tone for the day.

I am still bewildered at why this most intimate play has the impact on me that it does. It is still a puzzle to me why giving you the ‘keys of the kingdom’ effects me like it does. All I can do is think ‘Lord, why is this…?’ While at the same time, thanking Him. What did He have in mind when He gave you this cornucopia of power and control that I have consented to? Let’s see… yes, you get all you want and I don’t, until you decide. Fun??? Amazing how this works…

Our rules are simple; you ask me to wear the cage, and you and only you control the key, deciding when it will be unlocked. Normal for us? Anywhere from a few hours (Thank You..) to a few days (Thank You.!) to a week or so (Thank You!). You always are the only one to *click* the padlock, unless you call and ask (?) that I put it on, and put the phone next to the lock when I click it closed. All of the elements mentioned in the above article are involved, plus one for us that he doesn’t mention: Trust. Trust is a huge element to me in that it is part of our love, trust that we can indulge in honest communication, trust in sharing what is going through our minds & hearts.

Then it is a matter of time (hours, days, or a week plus) of teasing, sharing, fun, and denial, until you want the ‘real thing’ and retrieve the key for my release… and full access to your ‘real’ pleasure… and possibly mine. Why possibly? Because, while in the ‘caged game’, I will need your permission to reach orgasm. And only you know how much of a thrill you feel with that control… “not yet…maybe tomorrow”, “NOT yet…later”, “… Yes, now.. Fill me!!”

It’s been a couple weeks since our last ‘love play’ with the cage, and although I thought you were stepping into this play with more enthusiasm each time we used it, you hadn’t mentioned it much lately. In retrospect, our schedules have been hectic. OK, yes, crazy. Obviously, at this point, I think the stress of the last business deal has eased up. “Mine, mine, mine…”, as you state the obvious, moving about your usual morning routine. Except, you pause this morning, realizing your first meeting isn’t until 9am. As you slowly turn to me, I’m thinking… ‘no, my schedule is starting sooner than 9..’ With your mystic expression, you begin… “Hon, you really don’t need to be there until later today, true?” You can’t wait, and without waiting for my response, grab my hand and step towards the bed...

How does this progress? At this point, one of several ways come to mind (and I’m sure a dozen more if I know you…). This could be an ultimate pleasuring of you, and teasing for me, with my fingers, tongue, or toy…

Or it may be a simple retrieval of the key and a simple love making session, with an exquisite orgasm for you… and you only, followed soon after with another ‘click’ of your lock on my cage, teasing and denying me till later…

Or it may extend to a love making session with both of us eventually pleasured. Yes, it is your choice… with my complicated but true consent… and love, honesty, and trust.

I love you….

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Alive & Well...

Been VERY busy, more than usual without giving away why... AND a computer issue with a hard drive that brought everything to a screeching halt. But... I'm back. Still only grabbing a moment now and then to ready through my favorites.

Again, everytime I think I will just close things, one of you writes something that rings my bell... like Thumper's . I just can't get into the pain side of what he & Belle experience, but otherwise... very interesting!

OK, time to shuttle out of here for a while... real work to do. Hello real people...! Hope you are enjoying your summer...!!!!! Thank you all for sharing... especially love hearing from the ladies and how they feel about T&D, chastity (real or by shear demand), and about your husband (or SO) willing to share you while he remains true to just you.

Most recently, this entry got my attention of course, over at Sexy Hotwife and comments from Lettuce bears reading again... And of course... Always checking in with Tom, and Lady Julia.