Friday, December 22, 2006
After all the reading I have done in a variety of these web pages and blogs, I’ve come to the realization that a thousand (million?) different varieties of play and life styles are involved in these relationships. At this point, Chapter 1 doesn’t exist until I further define what I hope our relationship takes from these thoughts and practices offered in my reading. And perhaps it won’t really matter what I want as much as what she finds interesting and wants to pursue.
This will be my dream of how I think I would like this to progress… My entire motivation in my quest was to improve our relationship and intimacy, bring us back to the passion that has faded, as it often does over the years. My point here is I love her, adore her, respect her, appreciate her, like waking up with her, sharing ideas and life with her, traveling with her… you get the idea. She has that red-headed personality (and yes, red there too) that I can’t always predict. She is compassionate, caring, giving, and spirited like no one I can think of. And gorgeous on top of all that.
After hundreds of notes, blog entries, books (Around Her Finger by K Addison, Worship Your Wife by Mark Remond, and more), what I think I want to take from all this is the play element, more then a life style choice. While reflecting on our current life, you may conclude that some of the life style elements are already in place. I do my fair share (or more) of many of the household tasks and usually respond to any of her requests as she asks. What I want to add, or rather remove, is the lack of passion in the bedroom, along with the predictability. I want more intimacy than we’ve ever experienced. She can be a wonderful lover; from the reading (thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences and thoughts), I am not very communicative in the bedroom… (and I’m sure that extends throughout the house as well; typical male?). Communication seems to be center to our successes of driving our relationships positively, yet we fall into predictable ruts that mimic mindless robots. What is lacking is the trust that we enjoyed in the early years, the ‘I can discuss anything with her/him’ that kept us talking into the late hours. How do we get that back? I suspect we have formed expectations of each other over the years that may not be entirely accurate, or no longer quite true. I know… I’m rambling. Forgive me.
One blog that sticks in my mind is Suzy’s wise comments that I have saved, in case anything happens to her blog: SuzyWearsThePants
Her entire blog is worth reading, but her last thought in this section really struck me:
You can teach your partner the nuts (however twisted and tethered you may wish them to be) and bolts of your preferred sexual practices. You can talk about the advantages to her, but ultimately she will explore your sexuality with you for one reason:
She loves you.
She feels good about your relationship, herself and your future together. I think your existing relationship is your best hope of seeing your desires realized. Anything you can do to increase romance, communication and intimacy will be in your favor, but I think you already know that.
So please consider this;
The banality, toil and drudgery of life wear the soul as surely as the wave erodes the rock. Gradually but persistently. The saltwater washes over us and then pulls our dreams out to sea, beyond our reach.
We stand on the beach alone in our despair, searching the horizon for that which will not exist during our tenure on this earth.
It does not always have to be that way and for some it is not. I believe the greatest gift that you can bestow on a loved one is to help them create a life well lived. It does not have to be majestic or grand, it merely states;
I lived. That small footprint of humanity, of joy, of passion was left by me.
I was here.
We all have dreams. Some dreams and hopes are fulfilled; some by hard work and determination, others by serendipity.
Some dreams are discarded.
And some dreams are stored in a drawer. When we are alone we take them out and consider them. Then we quietly put them back and we return to the reality of our existence.
As deep as your desire to submit to a woman is, your partner may have a dream or hope equally hidden, equally unfulfilled.
Help her discover something that she’d put away in that drawer. Something beyond her realm of wife, lover, mother, of housework and career. Something she thought was lost.
Help her realize that dream.
Many of us are in long term relationships and they tend to drift over time, making a lifestyle change even more difficult. This will be a powerful message to her. That your relationship will not go quietly into the night. That there is more living to do, exploring and yes, experimentation in the years ahead. You will do this together. You will not be strangers.
You want to be her knight? Help your Lady find her Camelot first.
Then buy that paddle.
I wish you well on your quest.
Godspeed to all.
Thank you Suzy! …( The bold and color emphasis is mine. I’m not sure about the paddle thing..?)
So what might I like to see in our future? Let me delve into an afternoon hopefully in the spring (because it isn’t too far away).
I’m working away at the home office, on a multitude of tasks that consume my day, when the phone rings. I can see right away that it is my beloved Lady J. “Hi there Lady J, how may I help you?” Her response is quick as usual. “Hey… Are you naked yet?” Ah, those magic words that I love to hear. This means that this is not a ‘love me and hold me’ afternoon, this is a ‘I want to play the game’ afternoon. “No… but my calendar is clear for awhile”. Her call means she has finished her last business meeting and is headed to the house.
And she must be having a good afternoon, as she is in a playful mood. More often, she comes into this mood after she has been home for awhile. “Good”, she continues, “Has the package arrived yet?” “No,” I respond, “I checked the box earlier; probably tomorrow”. Momentary disappointment on the other end. “Hmmm… well, when it arrives, don’t wait for me to unwrap it. Do all that sizing and testing stuff. But don’t lock it. That’s my privilege.” Smiling, I respond “I don’t want to take that away…” Her quick response, “I’ll be there in 3 minutes”. Opps… I think I should hurry. Quickly, I strip as I head for the bedroom, barely there before I hear the garage door opening. Although we usually reserve this play for weekends, we occasionally indulge during the week for an evening, or more…
She is barely in the house when I hear “Did you pour champagne?” Oh boy… it must have been a very good afternoon; now her reward. “On my way…”, I return. We pass on the stairs, and I get a quick kiss and a mild slap on the tush. “Nice”, I hear her talking to herself as she heads into the bedroom. The exercises with her encouragement are working… grin.
From there it is plenty of tease and play, for both of us (I’ve learned too that teasing should be on both sides). As I finally begin her favorite ice cream strokes with my tongue, she settles back to fully enjoy herself. Finally, as she is getting very close, she invites me to kiss her, pulling me up as I feel myself joining with her. She is silent, which means only one thing… this is her pleasure and not mine. Actually, it is mine as well, except with the final ‘O’ on my side. As she nears her orgasm, she knows it is only hers we are seeking. With my focus on her, I feel it coming (should that be cumming?) and hear the comment I love hearing… and I know I have succeeded. I quickly but stealthily retreat as I am too close now, especially with the knowledge that she is in seventh heaven.
She is in outer space, and restful peace. And I am in frustrated bliss, and ready to pour her more champagne when she comes back down. Am I nuts or what?? There is obviously something extremely satisfying to provide her that pleasure. That’s ok, I know that next time, (or the next?) she will invite me to stay, and knock my socks off (metaphorically speaking of course). Now she wants to know what I’m feeling and thinking, which she knows she’ll get more talking out of me than I usually do, (especially if she teases me even more by laying across from me with her long legs spread). God, I must love this woman.
Of course, the ‘package’ she was referring to is coming from Nevada. When we came across this, she wasn’t the least bit interested. When I mentioned over time that it is mysteriously a huge turn-on to me, particularly with the control and power that I was giving away, she has obviously reconsidered, like some of the women that I have read about. This could be another ‘careful what you wish for”. But for ‘God only knows’ reason, this really intrigues me. I can hardly wait to look her in the eye as she snaps the lock closed for the first time. And I only hope that the teasing she lays on me with that powerfully creative mind of hers doesn’t cause any permanent damage… grin. I also hope wearing a new silver chain with the key inspires her for some future weekend play. Hey, where did this ping pong paddle come from?
Ah… dreams. I hope you are sleeping peacefully tonight Lady J.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Wow... my world is expanding and I really appreciate those of you willing to share your thoughts and experiences (even those that don't want their links mentioned, Suzy). I'm finding that perhaps I'm more 'main stream' (if I can say that) then I have been thinking over these past many months. I'll have a bit more free time to write this week as my Lady J is visiting family this week.
Thanks again to all of you for sharing and your encouraging comments...