Oh.. THAT day again?

Despite my silence over the past couple months... I'm still alive, and, judging from the thoughts included in the image, still breathing.

If you were reading last year at this time, the concept of Valentines Day is a bit commercial, and many of you agreed this should not be a single day of the year that we celebrate each other. And I hope you are...

Now... catch your breath, smile... and lock him up for another day or two, as you wish. And know, although you both realize few of those jewels are not quite as secure as you might want... know that his 'captivity' is really a delight on his behalf, especially if you are smiling when you snap that lock shut.

You doubt me? Just mention it while he is held in your hand... or otherwise. Ahhhh....

Most Important

After reading an insightful post over at Watching Your Wife, I'm reminded that very high of the list of important things is the love you share with your wife or significant other. Although this is not always mentioned in some of my posts, none of this blog is relevant without it.

Love her... and communicate with her, and love her even more. Yes, I know people write volumes on the subject, as I probably could too. Understanding where each of us sits on the spectrum of life, relationships, kink and pleasure is all so much an individual book in itself. Share it with your spouse first... and then of course with the rest of us so that we may learn.

Hope it is a great week... snowing of course here in the Rockies, but beautiful. I can't believe we are already into December.

More 'Enlightenment'

While she was reading from 'The Female Brain', as I mentioned in my previous post, a reference came up that women first choose a mate that will be a lover, provider, secure, now and for years to come. Then, as we are beginning to understand, and as I've discovered in several different references lately, she may dream about, or choose, a lover, for a brief tryst, or even on-going for some period. Also mentioned is the difference in the 'hard wiring' of the sexes, and how he is more likely to be monogamous to the relationship. ok... scientifically, we may understand that we've been wired this way for countless centuries, but the other driving forces are varied.

As I've wandered through a few of the blogs, I've run into a distaste for the label 'cuckold', which I also have had heartburn with too (also in my previous posts). I ran into a more 'modern', and acceptable, definition of the word that places it more in line with 'hotwifing'. That is, it is more about a loving husband wanting his wife to be more empowered and in control of her own pleasure, which he ultimately shares when she returns and recounts her latest escapade. This is too brief to go into here, but the links I've added under 'Interesting Reading' offers volumes of fascinating information that offers even more insight than I have gleaned from the personal couples blogs.

One very striking observation is that much of our current, or recent monogomous marital behavior was based in part, on jealousy and possessiveness, which is historically religious based on the premise that women were property. This is, of course, if you have read any of my previous diatribe, not who I am. And at least partially why I find the hotwife concept of such interest, along with the fascination of loving my partner and knowing her pleasure during, or after, an evening out (or in, as it may be). Anyway, plenty of reading if you find the subject interesting, and while you are at it, check out the '10 Rules' and modify slightly to apply to your situation rather than the 'open' relationship as orignally drafted. The research suggests that the hotwifing/cuckold fantasy is probably the #1 fantasy ever... possibly for both sexes, but highly repressed for women.

Of course, my personal twist adds the playful possession aspect, willingly granted, of chastity play, and extending the tease & denial foreplay of the day, waiting for her anticipated return to my loving arms.

Have a good day...

Digging Deeper into ... Myself?

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More on that topic...

I just read through my last post... and shake my head. I wish I had a clue then what was going on, and had I not experienced this firsthand, I still might wonder if all this is just someone's fantasy. No...

It was all very true. Sorry it is the 'quick version', and not as well written as Andrew & Rach. Time is not something that comes easily at the moment...

I have to wonder if this wasn't the kickoff for a number of my other escapades in those years. Strip poker with the neighbors, sex regularly in places that would send a jolt through most people, and other fun things. I have never mentioned the Mel & Lynn adventures with ANYONE since it happened... Now I'm writing it in a blog that the entire world can read.

I was just checking out another link attempting to give insight to the "Cuckold Husband/Hotwife Phenomena" by a researcher that provides a number of items that may drive this activity. Some seem to 'ring a bell', while others just don't remotely do it for me. It may be worth a read if you are on that path also... (or think you want to).

I mentioned labels in my previous post, and want to debunk them.. Yuck! Some of the guys and even some of the women use the 'slut' term. I hate it... does that age me? I don't use the 'c' word much either... Anyway, I do admit, we DO use the slut term in the house every week, but usually in regards to a light hearted issue, like... I am such a chocolate slut. She is such a champagne slut. Don't ask me why... we just never use it in regards to sex.

The 'cuckold' label still bothers me, but I think I just can't get past the humility aspect that is usually laid with it. I just see it differently. I'm not in the mood to have her degrade me over my less than good attributes, especially in 'public'. In a fantasy, I could see myself in a situation like...

She and I are together in a large room, with a trusted friend, and about to enter into this HotWife world. We've talked, fantasized, enjoyed multitudes of great sex and lovemaking while considering this journey. We've enjoyed a few fine intoxicating beverages, we're casually naked, and comfortable as can be under the circumstances. Actually, I imagine myself, and her, just a wee bit tense... . I am shaven, and caged in a CB-6000, and she is wearing the key on her ankle bracelet. I've been caged for a couple days, in anticipation of this possible evening, and as per her wishes, my sexual energy is 'hers' until she wishes... which I anticipate, and hope, will be soon.

For as we delve into this path, I've tried to keep her as satiated as possible, without my penetration. She does indeed love the power exchange that I've consented to providing her. And she has taken advantage of the situation as usual, by teasing me every moment she can. Teasing unmercifully, but not humiliating, knowing I am still the strong confident man that drew her to me from the start.

As we've attempted to understand, debate, and fantasize this HotWife 'thing', we've still enjoyed the chastity play along the way, as we've identified a few similar emotions along both paths. Like the enormous love, trust & honesty that we've found as we first ventured into the slightly non-vanilla lifestyle. Like my desire to see her as partner, equal, and entrusting the power exchange that 'liberates her' and excites me as well as her. When, as usual, I first came onto the HotWife phenomena, and shared my ever curious intrigue with it, she thought it very strange, but allowed herself to peruse some of the blogs, and discuss in detail how it might ever happen.

As she explores her own feelings and emotions, and understands the boundaries that we both desire, it becomes more exciting. Since we're both blood donors, we know that if the fantasy ever takes place, we need a safe ... very safe 'third'. He must be safe, trusted, and clean... and realize that he is merely a 'tool' of our fantasy, and although sharing an occasional brew on the pub patio, knows there are limits to this special friendship. And must be comfortable knowing I am present and sharing in the excitement that is hers, and all hers... whether he is satisfied or not is truly not a concern, unless she wants it.

I know I'm rambling... but somehow knowing this pleasure is hers, with a devoted loving husband sharing this experience, with my energy caged and kept until she wishes, and a freedom granted to her that she now controls, is as exasperating and exciting as one can possibly express in words.

Anyway... the thought of when his cock finally meets her precious lips, and gently fills her, drives her ... and her flight to a heavenly orgasm is reached, his energy spent after delivering all the pleasure she desires... and with me constrained and reserved for her later enjoyment, and our moments later, joyfully shared in our lovemaking... I'm lost for words.

If this makes me a cuckold... lay it on me. I would wear it proudly.

Ok, I'm sure this needs some time and refinement, but ... I hope this provides a hint of the intimacy I seek. Now... my dear lady, do you have your ankle bracelet on tonight? I'll go for the drink, you delicious champagne slut.

No, I am still alive and breathing...

and just have to stop and check in with Tom now and then make sure. For whatever reason, mostly since things are looking up on the home front a bit... I've been having vivid dreams lately, and though I'm not as eloquent as Tom, I've been meaning to post some of those here lately. Like the other night, and a most real intimate conversation that I wanted to post before too much of it drifted away.

Somehow we were discussing an article I had found on the net that mentions a couple discovering a CB-6000 and how it became a favorite play item for them. I could feel the blood rush to my head, and palms begin to get moist. I also realize that the part of my body where I expect the blood to rush... does not. "You know what a CB-6000 is?" She explains that when she found the article on my laptop that she read it and curiosity takes over. "Oh... I , uh... well..." She smiles and shares that she also found another site with a mild approach to the subject that intrigues her, and reading further there leads to more dialog that interests her.

I'm about ready to faint, when she takes my clammy hand and asks 'Your thoughts?' Before I can answer, she responds that she has also found my links to Tom's experiences, loveplay, and decides there is too much here to just 'close the door'. I'm thinking it is a good thing I'm not naked, as my body is probably surging from one extreme to the other... Or was I?? Oh there are so many times I wish I could turn on the 'dream recorder'. (And probably so many times I'm thankful I can't.)

The next thing I know, she is talking about when it should arrive at the PO Box... My eyes bolt to hers and my astute response is only "Hun?? IT? when??..."

Stay tuned... I'll try to get back to this soon.

Letter fantasy?

Hello Grey,

Good to hear from you other than a few blog comments now and then. And rather than just post a response to your email, I thought we’d keep this between us… although as I think about this, don’t be surprised if you find this on the blog somewhere.

You are correct with just about everything you told me, although you are a bit ‘reserved’ – hope you open up more with her, but I suspect that is probably part of your history, right? You need to talk and express yourself better? And I really shouldn’t criticize, as you have probably have read in my blog. We really had some tough years too, and coming out of that was the impetus for stronger communication that finally opened this door to intimacy, like you would love to find. Sound familiar? I don’t think I need to go on here; you KNOW you need to get your tongue moving and open up! (Notice I didn’t say put mouth in motion before brain…)

To answer your other question (WHY would I give her keys and control?) and again as you probably have guessed, NO I can’t explain it either. And again you are correct – the web has some really crazy crap.. or ahh... ‘concepts’ out there and I suspect the majority of the stories are just fantasy in extreme. Ann and I have gone further than you describe you would like to ever go, and I can’t tell you why on that either, other than to say that once I introduced her to the idea, she had to mull it over awhile. Once she finally set down and thought about it, she didn’t exactly just run with the idea. Small steps, slowly, then she kind of picked up the pace and before long, rather than just a long weekend here and there, she wanted to play an ‘extra day’.. or two.

Hey, who am I to object, after all, it was me that found the subject on the net and was increasingly intrigued by it. I can’t begin to tell you what is it about this ‘idea’ that kept driving me… and I suspect you are in the same groove, especially when you mentioned you had made an ‘A’ ring ‘retainer like’ item from a modifed shower curtain ring. And wore it for days just to see if it was possible. I loved the story where you went to bed with it on, and she turned over and crossed her leg over your mid section, right on top of your naked cock. And you really think she didn’t feel it was there? Too bad – she might have got you to open up a bit (or a lot).

Yes, I think you know I made one in my shop before going for the real thing. In retrospect, she may have picked up the pace much faster if I had introduced her to the CB-3000 instead of my home made model. She may have picked up the pace too if she knew how well these things are selling! But I’m getting sidetracked (we’re good at that, right?). Yes, basically, just as in my post, I love giving up control to my sex, and she (especially now) loves to have it. And no, none of that heavy domination submissive stuff on the web – its just play for us, although we have fun with it now and then as some of her mild deep rooted dom comes out in the play. Hey, I’m not complaining, as much as I thought I might. Which is probably why we did go a very long time that one year. I could go on about that, but you’ve probably read most of it in the blog.

Only you can decide when the timing is right. Is it a matter of the horse or the buggy first? Will the relationship trust and love get better with sharing this idea, or should it be there first. I don’t know quite how to answer that, as every couple is different. This is, in your mind, intimate play, with no other changes in your life. You still get up and dressed in the morning, do the usual prep for the day, make the business decisions as usual, get the oil changed on the car, the home ‘partner’ decisions the same, and everything else. The only difference, of course, is while the two of you are in this mode, she has all the orgasms, when and where she likes, and yours are at her discretion. Sounds simple, right?

Oh I did forget the mention the teasing part. While in full workday mode, that will probably vary from nothing to ‘boy, will you be surprised’. That part of it was real slow for us, but it seems she enjoys that aspect now that we’re comfortable with the whole concept. Her imagination is totally devoted to her work one moment, and then I get these messages or calls the next that remind me I’m wearing the cage, and the square peg in the round hole concept becomes evident. (He says with a big smile… yes, living on the edge is what it’s about for us.) I wonder if she lays awake nights... love that imagination.

Would I go ahead and order the CB? Oh, you know me, of course I would. I would want to check it out and wear it a bit, all with the intent of sharing it with her. You made a comment once on the blog, that without her having the key, what’s the point of wearing the chastity device? Go for the CB-6000 model – I keep hearing good things about the comfort and I’m thinking of it myself. (OK, we’re thinking of it…). Not sure about where to ship it? Go on, live a little (he says with a smile). If not, have it shipped to a friend as a surprise gift for your lady (no, I can’t tell you what it is…).

You asked if I could ask Ann to comment on her side of this play. I’ve collected a few comments along the way, but can’t say we’ve had any long discussion over it. The comments you’ve probably read on the blogs from women are usually more in line with reality then the... ‘ahem’ … male fantasies. I may ask her to sit down at the keyboard and see if she can give you some realistic foundation for that question. I suspect it will be a bit different for every woman.

Do I think this will become more mainstream in the future? Sure… especially since the media has been gradually picking up on it, IF they don’t play the dom/sub BDSM emphasis and just let it be intimacy play between couples. (Yes, there are some wonderful true dom types out there but even they don't remotely identify with the web kinks that some males seem to be drawn to).

I think your concept of ‘loveplay’ once or twice a month sounds like a winner. And I think you are (??) prepared to go beyond that occasionally as we have. OK, maybe not months-on-end, but certainly weeks. As you know, the mysterious mind of a women is to be coveted, enjoyed, and not analyzed… whats the point? And I’m not sure I really want that. You are so right... just enjoy… one step at a time. I can’t help but smile every time I hear that lock ‘click’.

I’ve found your fantasy scenarios interesting (in a good way Grey), so look for that opportunity and take the leap. If you don’t, you will always wonder… And if she doesn’t go for it, a seed is planted. It may take a couple weeks, months or year to see if your harvest comes in. Isn’t there a saying somewhere about no crop will come in if the seed … yeah, something like that.

You know, maybe you should post this, and see if any insightful comments come from the opposite sex. Ladies?