On the Same Path

As I read through some of the blogs, I quit often stumble on one that really rings true to my interests, and Tom Allen again points to one I did not know about that really caught my interest. Titled 'Devotional Sex' , this site, free BTW, grasps the concept of women that are in total control of their intimacy, using a new vocabulary that I think the most vanilla couple could even get used to.  I don't think you would want to miss the concepts introduced here, and while relatively new, there is not alot of comment on the forum portion of the site yet.

I Love Happy Women! And this path may help...

There seems to be alot of similar parallels here to chastity play, and at the same time, some distinctions that some couples will embrace that are just on the edge of vanilla (read 'boring') sex...

So... your thoughts and reactions?

Orgasm is Not the Goal

I'm not even sure how I stumbled upon this link 'Healing with Sexual Relations'  and really havent' taken enough time to explore it other than to breeze through a few passages from the book mentioned there:

Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships, by Marnia Robinson

Strangely enough, she has done a wealth of research only to find that orgasm should not be the goal.  Imagine that.  Sound familiar gents?  Anyway... yet another book to add to the foray of information that promises to enrich our relationships.

 Another blog with a wealth of information regarding the male orgasm... 

I've got to run but had to share a quick couple items in the Thursday race for the weekend. Cheers.

Believe It ... He DOES really mean it.

While getting a few rare moments again, I wandered over to MikeCB's Chastity Journey and read a recent post that I would agree with regarding whether women really believe we mean it. Tease me and deny me. The truth is, years ago in my youth, I would have probably not believed it either... WHY would a man rather be repeatedly on the edge and not be allowed to orgasm, and love to see his partner pleasured to the hilt? As ofter as she desires?

While we are all wired a bit differently, and each of us will vary slightly in those desires and perhaps the degree of being teased & denied, unmistakeably there are many men out here that want exactly that. And as many of the 'real' life blogs are finally saying... the benefits for her typically exceed anything he is experiencing.

Wander over and check the full text... and ladies, if you don't trust the concept, just feel free to try it. Once you start the journey, I doubt you will want to go back...

Grey.

Queen of ... My Heart

I'm walking through the grocery store last night, and as I head for the check stand, my eyes are drawn to a display of playing cards. No big deal, right...? But my mind instantly goes to Lady Julia's Silken Tease blog...

Once you are there read back to the beginning... now it is little wonder that my mind instantly jumped to thoughts of Lady Julia.

No, I was in a rush, and have not bought the cards yet... but obviously those instructions lurk in the back of my mind. Oh, such a dear and true Lady...

Orgasm Denial for Loving Couples

Orgasm Denial for Loving Couples

Wait… both of you; this deserves a review.

Submitted by: sandman9355

Where do I start? Probably with a definition, and a simple one: "orgasm denial" is a practice of limiting the frequency of someone's orgasms. That was easy, wasn't it? The real trouble comes when one tries to explain the reasons for doing this to those not familiar with the concept. And even bigger trouble is to try to explain the connection between Love and Orgasm Denial to those who've seen the darker sides of this play. Well, this essay is trying to show you the loving, playful, vanilla-friendly side of it. Yes, I know... When you play orgasm denial games, one of the partners, usually the man, doesn't get to orgasm as often as he used to. Where's the fun in that? Trust me, there *is* a recipe for finding joy in it. I'll be writing about four basic ingredients: Love, Honesty, Desire, and Frustration. Oh - and I'll add a sprinkle of sex, of course.

The Love part is easy. Love your partner, and let your partner love you. When in bed, do not make love to satisfy your raw need - make love to make you both happy. Making love is more than just an exchange of genetic information. Learn (if you need to) to find joy both in pleasuring your partner and being pleasured. Share your partner's happiness. Learn to say what you think is obvious - neither men nor women are telepaths - and learn to listen. The words "I love you" might be an ‘age old’ phrase; your partner might have heard this from you a thousand times, and yet... You *know* you should keep saying those words. Don't let the passage of time steal your love - work on keeping it alive.

Let's take a look at Honesty now. You're reading this text, so the chances are you're not 100% vanilla, and even if you've never done anything kinky the words "orgasm denial" have caught your attention. Either you actually enjoy the idea of experiencing this, or you want to at least think about it for a while. Look inside your mind for the truth, and be honest.

Be honest towards yourself - you are who you are, and hiding the truth from yourself is unlikely to do you any good. There's nothing wrong with being willing to accept your consenting partner's expression of love (i.e. you're no pervert if you enjoy being the one who denies, provided your partner agrees to be denied), and there's nothing wrong with wanting to focus on your partner's pleasure (i.e. being the one on an orgasm diet). Accept the fact that the idea of orgasm denial excites you, and let it become something that will enrich your sex life, not a source of self-loathing or other negative emotions.

Be honest towards your partner - let them know about your fantasies. Now, I'm not saying that you should run and tell them all your darkest, deepest secrets. You might want to keep some of those really secret, and you might want many of them remain nothing but fantasies. Your partner might not be ready for all your kinks, might even find them repulsive. But, if you never make a single step towards honesty, you'll never know where that path leads. Every journey begins with the first step, and if you wish to ever reach your goal you'll have to take that first step.

Another ingredient in loving orgasm denial is Desire. Loving orgasm denial *needs* mutual desire, it *needs* a desire for physical intimacy - and at the same time it *creates* this desire, this need for one's partner. It doesn't matter whether you're the denying or the denied one. You always want to feel desire for your partner, even more so if you want to practice orgasm denial, but luckily this is a kink that will amplify the desire.

Are you the denied one? Of course you will feel desire. All the energy you would have put into your orgasms is now coursing through you, trying to find a way out. Instead of being sated, your desire for your partner will grow, and you'll feel full of love, desire and energy.

And if you're the denying one? You will feel wanted, desired, you'll feel *loved*. You'll know that you can let your passions run free, that your partner will want to make love for as long as you will... You'll know that your partner *wants* you to let go and reach ecstasy...

Some of you will be probably surprised by the Frustration part of this essay. You see, I don't want to talk about sexual frustration (okay, I'll give it a short mention...). Instead I want to prepare newbies and romantic souls for a different sort of frustration - frustration that will be caused by internet forums dealing with orgasm denial being full of hardcore fetishist (and lunatics). Yes, surely you will feel some sexual frustration once you give orgasm denial a try - but such frustration does have a kinky side to it, can be played with, can be kind of pleasurable... Be honest; you felt some of this back when you were dating. You might feel frustrated even when you're the denying one, feeling like your loved one doesn't want the orgasms you want to give - until you realize that playing this game gives both you and your partner more pleasure than those orgasms ever could...

But if you're mostly vanilla, and romantic to boot, you better be prepared to meet all kinds of crazies and fanatics out there on the internet. Sure there are people who practice orgasm denial within a loving relationship - but you hardly ever see them on most of the kinky forums and sites. It is the ones with a cause, the extremist ones, who are most vocal (the rest of us are just having too much fun to share with the weirdos). You'll meet guys claiming that men are inferior creatures, self-declared dominas with zero experience, people only in it for the money, delusional fools with little grasp on reality, intrusive jerks who probably type one handed most of the time... Don't let them force their views on you, and don't let them spoil your own vanilla kink.

Orgasm denial can help you enjoy fantastic sex. It can lead to lovemaking that takes hours... It can help you accept the pleasures your partner wants to give... It gives you a reason to stop pursuing your orgasm and focus on the act itself, on making love to the person you love... It can help you stop concentrating on orgasms alone and better enjoy the whole experience... It makes the whole act of making love more important than the end of it... It can fill the time when you're not actually having sex, with stronger love and desire... It can help you try out more than just plain old missionary position - popular are things like long sessions of oral sex, various toys including real chastity devices, role-playing games... It might nudge you towards a path you'd have never noticed otherwise...

And it might sound crazy - you have to "give up" something intensely pleasurable, or deny it to someone you love, and the whole concept sounds real weird at first. You might go at it for hours, give it your best, and one of you might be left panting and full of unspent energy. Give it a try. You know, there's one thing you can be sure of - there'll be a * very* sweet reward awaiting you at the end of it.

���

So how would this play into us… maybe something like:

We’ve just been showering together, and you are out first, toweling dry, while I’m finishing with a quick rinse. You’ve disappeared into the bedroom, and once I’ve toweled dry, step into the bedroom to find you’ve probably gone to make coffee. Then I notice a familiar velvet bag laying on the bed. I smile, hang up my towel back in the bath, and realize my mindset of prepping for the day has been derailed. I step over to the bed, empty the bag and, still smiling, reach for the ‘A’ ring, and joining the other parts of the ring, gently but quickly guide the chastity cage into place, and finally, route the padlock through the locking pin. If I don’t get this done quickly, I have to ‘cool things down’ before I can begin to get the cage on, while trying to keep my mind elsewhere for a minute. With the cage on, my imagination already soars, and my cock quickly fills the last little space remaining in the cage.

That’s about when you step back into the bedroom with a hot cup of aromatic hazelnut coffee that draws my attention. Of course, your attention is on the cage, and the padlock ready for you. You set down the cup, smile with that mischievous glint in your eye that also says ‘thank you’. I draw our naked bodies together for a deep slow passionate kiss, and a moment later, you keep the kiss while reaching down to cup my exposed family jewels, and one-handedly manage to ‘click’ the padlock closed. With that motion, and the sound of that ‘click’ that we have both come to appreciate, you pull back to look me deep in the eye, and study my reaction. Yes… I’m yours, and you gleefully respond with a prance in your step that sets the tone for the day.

I am still bewildered at why this most intimate play has the impact on me that it does. It is still a puzzle to me why giving you the ‘keys of the kingdom’ effects me like it does. All I can do is think ‘Lord, why is this…?’ While at the same time, thanking Him. What did He have in mind when He gave you this cornucopia of power and control that I have consented to? Let’s see… yes, you get all you want and I don’t, until you decide. Fun??? Amazing how this works…

Our rules are simple; you ask me to wear the cage, and you and only you control the key, deciding when it will be unlocked. Normal for us? Anywhere from a few hours (Thank You..) to a few days (Thank You.!) to a week or so (Thank You!). You always are the only one to *click* the padlock, unless you call and ask (?) that I put it on, and put the phone next to the lock when I click it closed. All of the elements mentioned in the above article are involved, plus one for us that he doesn’t mention: Trust. Trust is a huge element to me in that it is part of our love, trust that we can indulge in honest communication, trust in sharing what is going through our minds & hearts.

Then it is a matter of time (hours, days, or a week plus) of teasing, sharing, fun, and denial, until you want the ‘real thing’ and retrieve the key for my release… and full access to your ‘real’ pleasure… and possibly mine. Why possibly? Because, while in the ‘caged game’, I will need your permission to reach orgasm. And only you know how much of a thrill you feel with that control… “not yet…maybe tomorrow”, “NOT yet…later”, “… Yes, now.. Fill me!!”

It’s been a couple weeks since our last ‘love play’ with the cage, and although I thought you were stepping into this play with more enthusiasm each time we used it, you hadn’t mentioned it much lately. In retrospect, our schedules have been hectic. OK, yes, crazy. Obviously, at this point, I think the stress of the last business deal has eased up. “Mine, mine, mine…”, as you state the obvious, moving about your usual morning routine. Except, you pause this morning, realizing your first meeting isn’t until 9am. As you slowly turn to me, I’m thinking… ‘no, my schedule is starting sooner than 9..’ With your mystic expression, you begin… “Hon, you really don’t need to be there until later today, true?” You can’t wait, and without waiting for my response, grab my hand and step towards the bed...

How does this progress? At this point, one of several ways come to mind (and I’m sure a dozen more if I know you…). This could be an ultimate pleasuring of you, and teasing for me, with my fingers, tongue, or toy…

Or it may be a simple retrieval of the key and a simple love making session, with an exquisite orgasm for you… and you only, followed soon after with another ‘click’ of your lock on my cage, teasing and denying me till later…

Or it may extend to a love making session with both of us eventually pleasured. Yes, it is your choice… with my complicated but true consent… and love, honesty, and trust.

I love you….

Alive & Well...

Been VERY busy, more than usual without giving away why... AND a computer issue with a hard drive that brought everything to a screeching halt. But... I'm back. Still only grabbing a moment now and then to ready through my favorites.

Again, everytime I think I will just close things, one of you writes something that rings my bell... like Thumper's . I just can't get into the pain side of what he & Belle experience, but otherwise... very interesting!

OK, time to shuttle out of here for a while... real work to do. Hello real people...! Hope you are enjoying your summer...!!!!! Thank you all for sharing... especially love hearing from the ladies and how they feel about T&D, chastity (real or by shear demand), and about your husband (or SO) willing to share you while he remains true to just you.

Most recently, this entry got my attention of course, over at Sexy Hotwife and comments from Lettuce bears reading again... And of course... Always checking in with Tom, and Lady Julia.

Time gets in the way

Like just about every blog I read mentions the time issue... it just fleets by so quickly I hardly get a moment to fantasize anymore. After telling myself 'I just slip over for a moment and check in at Lady Julia's blog, and Tom's, and then Denying Thumper... I just can't let it go. There have few a few moments during the week that I've thought about just blowing away this entire blog... and after reading their latest thoughts & adventures, I find myself spending more than a few minutes lost in my own fantasy. Unfortunately, life being what it is at the moment, extremely unlikely I'll live anything like my dreams. So this becomes more of a personal journal than anything else.

I would love to spend a few hours and a few thousand thoughtful words responding to the questions of Lady Julia, and to 'Denying Thumper', especially as I see a number of parallels in where he is and what he is experiencing. Hmmm... getting hot in here, time to peel the shirt. Oh yeah... completely naked now. Anyway, between the Tease & Denial, the Chastity Play, and oddly, the hotwife flashes... it is apparent (at least if one were to observe my current state) that a number of cords have been struck.

Thumper, if I read enough of his blog, initially dismisses the thought of ever considering the possibility of sharing his wife with another man. Until recently, when he seems to venture into some of the other blogs (like My Sexy Hotwife, or Hotwifing Exposed) and somehow a spark invades him, like it apparently has me. As I mentioned a few posts back, years ago, I was invited into a hotwife (or cuckold relationship, but I've never know for sure..) where I was seduced in an interesting setting, only to find out that the husband has been watching the entire time through the patio door glass. Unfortunately, I lost track of the couple through moves & transfers and truly didn't understand the dynamics of these episodes until just the last couple years, thanks to the internet and the brave sharing of couples.

And as I read through some of these blogs, I realize the labels blur considerably (and do we really care what label is attached?) but somehow, the thoughts of tease & denial, the chastity play (on occasion, not full time), and the occasional hotwife episode... just really rocks my brain (isn't that where it all happens anyway?). I wonder if the hotwife fantasy in itself, shared with my wife, wouldn't be enough to keep the emotional engines fired, without actually going the distance.

Yet... I can imagine a scene such as this: I'm home working hard in the office, and getting a text from her, asking what I'm up to (which of course, she knows full well what I'm 'up to'). When I respond with a simple 'working the XYZ contract', she responds with 'Honey, under your pillow is our special bag... please put it one and call me so I can hear the 'click' (she always likes that part, of closing the lock and all the intensity of what happens with 'the click', except she does it personally). Ok, I realize... she had something in mind when she left the house this morning. Being the inquisitive hubby that I am, I gratefully accept this challenge and follow that wish.

Once I call and she hears the lock 'click' closed on the CB-6000 (and she knows she can trust me to not try to sidestep that part), she asks if I'm in for a bit of chastity play, and heavy T&D? Since it has a few weeks of vanilla bedroom play, I of course answer with a resounding 'Absolutely'. It is then she tells me our old friend is in town for a night or two, and coming for dinner tomorrow night. And, as she always likes to be 'reserved' for a day or two before a coupling, and as she knows my 'rising reaction' to that news, she loves to build the intrigue (and our own special foreplay) far in advance. This is not a topic we take lightly... or stepped into quickly... and fantisized in our bedroom play for a couple years before the opportunity arose to make it a reality that she ... and I... would seize. This is where the deep communication, soul searching expression, committment, and trust really is embraced. This is where, beyond fantasy, that she knows I am giving a very special gift to her; that freedom to fully take a lover for the night, for her deepest pleasure, with my full encouragement and support. And likewise, in a special way, her gift to me, knowing full well that watching her total abandoned and heavenly pleasure excites me like nothing else in this world.

The first time, she wanted me in the bedroom as this journey began. As I kissed her deeply, he began to part her lips with his cock, and ever so slowly began to claim her quivering and deliciously wet cunt, and as much as I wanted to see his cock disappear within her, I more than anything wanted to look into her eyes with all the love and support possible, to remove any doubt that it was her pleasure, then, at that moment that I wanted her to have. With that assurance, she lapsed into her path to earth shattering orgasm, without any other care in the moment. I have sometimes watched from the doorway, or from the patio, so as not to detract from her assending climb to heavenly bliss.

As many of the participants of wife sharing have said, there is no man that can entirely provide all the pleasure that his wife is capable of feeling. Her trust that I am devoted only to her, and her pleasure, as unfair as it might seem, is apparently how we are wired, man and woman. I have found this in so many studies and references that I would expect this lifestyle to be mainstream by now, yet... our cultural makeup is slow to change. So why is this fantasy so common in men, and so slow to be accepted by women? I digress...

Then... there is the moment she leaves the guest bed, and comes to me, to be reclaimed and loved like no one couple can possibly love at this point. With the key around her neck, she frees me from my cage, and with what energy she has left in her body, guides me to climax, hopefully mutaully shared, and collapsing upon me, spilling her treasures upon me all the night as she sleeps.

Then of course... since the first time, she may sleepily crawl in next to me, sharing a few highlights, such as 'three earth shattering orgasms' and on occasion... ' no, I'm not unlocking you tonight love; he is staying tomorrow night too...' and spoon up against me, dropping into dreamland. Yes... she loves the play and loves the tease... and loves the occasional frustration and extreme desire she knows I have for her.

Oh... to be so lucky as some of you guys out there... I hope you never take that for granted.

Moving toward Valentines Day

This is not a day to ignore in most happy homes, although I must. She does not appreciate this date on the calendar, thinking it is only there for commercial reasons. "Every day should be Valentine's Day..." Ok, I can't argue with that. I hope everyone has a very special day, however you chose to celebrate...

Of course, some of us may be planning ahead and treat the day as a special time to explore a little fun... Have fun with this idea; use him now, or tease and deny him a bit before the weekend..?

Have fun and keep loving...

Dreaming again... T&D

As I was doing other things, I managed to allow sex to creep into my mind for a moment... I know, that is probably typical male, but in my state of mind, it was more of a miracle. And maybe healthy. I logged in and played with a 'new look' for this blog, re-published some of my earlier posts, and reading through some of them. Damn... I should get back to real work, but I'm a bit distracted and venture into reading into some of the other interesting blogs.

Like the wife of a favorite, Ms Bdenied, writing about her perspective on 'tease & denial' that it was a bit of a journey for her to appreciate that, even though it seemed harsh and even cruel, it really is something many of us 'males' do (maybe reluctantly) want, and hope you women can come to actually enjoy. That part of it, I suspect, only comes with trial & error, but once some of the other aspects of it become apparent, you will appreciate this play with increasing ease.

This of course, comes with a bit of a caveat, that will vary with each of us. The teasing and denial, even over a few days, will ultimately build to climax. Yes, we have granted you the power of control, and the decision is yours, and hopefully, to maximize the harvest of all that this play has to offer, you will know when to fully appreciate the time to peak enjoyment for both of you. As the blog comments mentioned, this is play we all need to consider more... and offers the honest communication possibility for this spark of intimacy. Ladies, if think your lover is not open to this, just strip him down and talk about it... the observation may prove that not all communication is verbal.

Enjoy... everyone.

No, I am still alive and breathing...

and just have to stop and check in with Tom now and then make sure. For whatever reason, mostly since things are looking up on the home front a bit... I've been having vivid dreams lately, and though I'm not as eloquent as Tom, I've been meaning to post some of those here lately. Like the other night, and a most real intimate conversation that I wanted to post before too much of it drifted away.

Somehow we were discussing an article I had found on the net that mentions a couple discovering a CB-6000 and how it became a favorite play item for them. I could feel the blood rush to my head, and palms begin to get moist. I also realize that the part of my body where I expect the blood to rush... does not. "You know what a CB-6000 is?" She explains that when she found the article on my laptop that she read it and curiosity takes over. "Oh... I , uh... well..." She smiles and shares that she also found another site with a mild approach to the subject that intrigues her, and reading further there leads to more dialog that interests her.

I'm about ready to faint, when she takes my clammy hand and asks 'Your thoughts?' Before I can answer, she responds that she has also found my links to Tom's experiences, loveplay, and decides there is too much here to just 'close the door'. I'm thinking it is a good thing I'm not naked, as my body is probably surging from one extreme to the other... Or was I?? Oh there are so many times I wish I could turn on the 'dream recorder'. (And probably so many times I'm thankful I can't.)

The next thing I know, she is talking about when it should arrive at the PO Box... My eyes bolt to hers and my astute response is only "Hun?? IT? when??..."

Stay tuned... I'll try to get back to this soon.