Ultimate Love & Trust?

My quandary with the fascination with this subject is beyond my comprehension... but it is there obviously since I continue to revisit this fantasy.

Combining the HW with the chastity play just sends me over the moon. Yet, it would have to be an ultimate pleasure and freedom for her to really take it to the max.

Ahhh... the phone and text beckons.

Orgasm Denial for Loving Couples

Orgasm Denial for Loving Couples

Wait… both of you; this deserves a review.

Submitted by: sandman9355

Where do I start? Probably with a definition, and a simple one: "orgasm denial" is a practice of limiting the frequency of someone's orgasms. That was easy, wasn't it? The real trouble comes when one tries to explain the reasons for doing this to those not familiar with the concept. And even bigger trouble is to try to explain the connection between Love and Orgasm Denial to those who've seen the darker sides of this play. Well, this essay is trying to show you the loving, playful, vanilla-friendly side of it. Yes, I know... When you play orgasm denial games, one of the partners, usually the man, doesn't get to orgasm as often as he used to. Where's the fun in that? Trust me, there *is* a recipe for finding joy in it. I'll be writing about four basic ingredients: Love, Honesty, Desire, and Frustration. Oh - and I'll add a sprinkle of sex, of course.

The Love part is easy. Love your partner, and let your partner love you. When in bed, do not make love to satisfy your raw need - make love to make you both happy. Making love is more than just an exchange of genetic information. Learn (if you need to) to find joy both in pleasuring your partner and being pleasured. Share your partner's happiness. Learn to say what you think is obvious - neither men nor women are telepaths - and learn to listen. The words "I love you" might be an ‘age old’ phrase; your partner might have heard this from you a thousand times, and yet... You *know* you should keep saying those words. Don't let the passage of time steal your love - work on keeping it alive.

Let's take a look at Honesty now. You're reading this text, so the chances are you're not 100% vanilla, and even if you've never done anything kinky the words "orgasm denial" have caught your attention. Either you actually enjoy the idea of experiencing this, or you want to at least think about it for a while. Look inside your mind for the truth, and be honest.

Be honest towards yourself - you are who you are, and hiding the truth from yourself is unlikely to do you any good. There's nothing wrong with being willing to accept your consenting partner's expression of love (i.e. you're no pervert if you enjoy being the one who denies, provided your partner agrees to be denied), and there's nothing wrong with wanting to focus on your partner's pleasure (i.e. being the one on an orgasm diet). Accept the fact that the idea of orgasm denial excites you, and let it become something that will enrich your sex life, not a source of self-loathing or other negative emotions.

Be honest towards your partner - let them know about your fantasies. Now, I'm not saying that you should run and tell them all your darkest, deepest secrets. You might want to keep some of those really secret, and you might want many of them remain nothing but fantasies. Your partner might not be ready for all your kinks, might even find them repulsive. But, if you never make a single step towards honesty, you'll never know where that path leads. Every journey begins with the first step, and if you wish to ever reach your goal you'll have to take that first step.

Another ingredient in loving orgasm denial is Desire. Loving orgasm denial *needs* mutual desire, it *needs* a desire for physical intimacy - and at the same time it *creates* this desire, this need for one's partner. It doesn't matter whether you're the denying or the denied one. You always want to feel desire for your partner, even more so if you want to practice orgasm denial, but luckily this is a kink that will amplify the desire.

Are you the denied one? Of course you will feel desire. All the energy you would have put into your orgasms is now coursing through you, trying to find a way out. Instead of being sated, your desire for your partner will grow, and you'll feel full of love, desire and energy.

And if you're the denying one? You will feel wanted, desired, you'll feel *loved*. You'll know that you can let your passions run free, that your partner will want to make love for as long as you will... You'll know that your partner *wants* you to let go and reach ecstasy...

Some of you will be probably surprised by the Frustration part of this essay. You see, I don't want to talk about sexual frustration (okay, I'll give it a short mention...). Instead I want to prepare newbies and romantic souls for a different sort of frustration - frustration that will be caused by internet forums dealing with orgasm denial being full of hardcore fetishist (and lunatics). Yes, surely you will feel some sexual frustration once you give orgasm denial a try - but such frustration does have a kinky side to it, can be played with, can be kind of pleasurable... Be honest; you felt some of this back when you were dating. You might feel frustrated even when you're the denying one, feeling like your loved one doesn't want the orgasms you want to give - until you realize that playing this game gives both you and your partner more pleasure than those orgasms ever could...

But if you're mostly vanilla, and romantic to boot, you better be prepared to meet all kinds of crazies and fanatics out there on the internet. Sure there are people who practice orgasm denial within a loving relationship - but you hardly ever see them on most of the kinky forums and sites. It is the ones with a cause, the extremist ones, who are most vocal (the rest of us are just having too much fun to share with the weirdos). You'll meet guys claiming that men are inferior creatures, self-declared dominas with zero experience, people only in it for the money, delusional fools with little grasp on reality, intrusive jerks who probably type one handed most of the time... Don't let them force their views on you, and don't let them spoil your own vanilla kink.

Orgasm denial can help you enjoy fantastic sex. It can lead to lovemaking that takes hours... It can help you accept the pleasures your partner wants to give... It gives you a reason to stop pursuing your orgasm and focus on the act itself, on making love to the person you love... It can help you stop concentrating on orgasms alone and better enjoy the whole experience... It makes the whole act of making love more important than the end of it... It can fill the time when you're not actually having sex, with stronger love and desire... It can help you try out more than just plain old missionary position - popular are things like long sessions of oral sex, various toys including real chastity devices, role-playing games... It might nudge you towards a path you'd have never noticed otherwise...

And it might sound crazy - you have to "give up" something intensely pleasurable, or deny it to someone you love, and the whole concept sounds real weird at first. You might go at it for hours, give it your best, and one of you might be left panting and full of unspent energy. Give it a try. You know, there's one thing you can be sure of - there'll be a * very* sweet reward awaiting you at the end of it.

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So how would this play into us… maybe something like:

We’ve just been showering together, and you are out first, toweling dry, while I’m finishing with a quick rinse. You’ve disappeared into the bedroom, and once I’ve toweled dry, step into the bedroom to find you’ve probably gone to make coffee. Then I notice a familiar velvet bag laying on the bed. I smile, hang up my towel back in the bath, and realize my mindset of prepping for the day has been derailed. I step over to the bed, empty the bag and, still smiling, reach for the ‘A’ ring, and joining the other parts of the ring, gently but quickly guide the chastity cage into place, and finally, route the padlock through the locking pin. If I don’t get this done quickly, I have to ‘cool things down’ before I can begin to get the cage on, while trying to keep my mind elsewhere for a minute. With the cage on, my imagination already soars, and my cock quickly fills the last little space remaining in the cage.

That’s about when you step back into the bedroom with a hot cup of aromatic hazelnut coffee that draws my attention. Of course, your attention is on the cage, and the padlock ready for you. You set down the cup, smile with that mischievous glint in your eye that also says ‘thank you’. I draw our naked bodies together for a deep slow passionate kiss, and a moment later, you keep the kiss while reaching down to cup my exposed family jewels, and one-handedly manage to ‘click’ the padlock closed. With that motion, and the sound of that ‘click’ that we have both come to appreciate, you pull back to look me deep in the eye, and study my reaction. Yes… I’m yours, and you gleefully respond with a prance in your step that sets the tone for the day.

I am still bewildered at why this most intimate play has the impact on me that it does. It is still a puzzle to me why giving you the ‘keys of the kingdom’ effects me like it does. All I can do is think ‘Lord, why is this…?’ While at the same time, thanking Him. What did He have in mind when He gave you this cornucopia of power and control that I have consented to? Let’s see… yes, you get all you want and I don’t, until you decide. Fun??? Amazing how this works…

Our rules are simple; you ask me to wear the cage, and you and only you control the key, deciding when it will be unlocked. Normal for us? Anywhere from a few hours (Thank You..) to a few days (Thank You.!) to a week or so (Thank You!). You always are the only one to *click* the padlock, unless you call and ask (?) that I put it on, and put the phone next to the lock when I click it closed. All of the elements mentioned in the above article are involved, plus one for us that he doesn’t mention: Trust. Trust is a huge element to me in that it is part of our love, trust that we can indulge in honest communication, trust in sharing what is going through our minds & hearts.

Then it is a matter of time (hours, days, or a week plus) of teasing, sharing, fun, and denial, until you want the ‘real thing’ and retrieve the key for my release… and full access to your ‘real’ pleasure… and possibly mine. Why possibly? Because, while in the ‘caged game’, I will need your permission to reach orgasm. And only you know how much of a thrill you feel with that control… “not yet…maybe tomorrow”, “NOT yet…later”, “… Yes, now.. Fill me!!”

It’s been a couple weeks since our last ‘love play’ with the cage, and although I thought you were stepping into this play with more enthusiasm each time we used it, you hadn’t mentioned it much lately. In retrospect, our schedules have been hectic. OK, yes, crazy. Obviously, at this point, I think the stress of the last business deal has eased up. “Mine, mine, mine…”, as you state the obvious, moving about your usual morning routine. Except, you pause this morning, realizing your first meeting isn’t until 9am. As you slowly turn to me, I’m thinking… ‘no, my schedule is starting sooner than 9..’ With your mystic expression, you begin… “Hon, you really don’t need to be there until later today, true?” You can’t wait, and without waiting for my response, grab my hand and step towards the bed...

How does this progress? At this point, one of several ways come to mind (and I’m sure a dozen more if I know you…). This could be an ultimate pleasuring of you, and teasing for me, with my fingers, tongue, or toy…

Or it may be a simple retrieval of the key and a simple love making session, with an exquisite orgasm for you… and you only, followed soon after with another ‘click’ of your lock on my cage, teasing and denying me till later…

Or it may extend to a love making session with both of us eventually pleasured. Yes, it is your choice… with my complicated but true consent… and love, honesty, and trust.

I love you….

Lost couple found...

I should check my email more often... I had discovered a blog a while back that, like some others, had disappeared. When I emailed, hoping to find them alive and well, they responded with a 'come visit us on our new blog'. Jay and Joy... very nice to see you back alive and... extremely well.

Their journey is worth the time to read, and the thoughts & feelings through the experience are magical... and I've only read through 'the Australian' portion. What struck me was the very feelings I imagined along this first time experience, by both Jay, and especially Joy. Of course, the strength and depth of the intimacy and trust of their relationship is probably what really draws me, and what I really crave.


And perhaps another, although they haven't posted for a couple months...?

Trust & Intimacy comment

A writer "Wads" on another website expressed a few comments that I think mirrors what I have been wondering for a couple months... to a point:

...The question of how he could be ok with another man screwing his wife hit me. It all had to do with intimacy and trust. Let me explain:

Intimacy - Sex is the most intimate act we humans can experience. While this may be hard for non lifestylers to understand, there is an indescribable degree of intimacy in watching your partner “fucking” someone else. I use the term “fucking” purposely, because that is what is going on. Pure, animalistic pleasure seeking fun. You love someone, you naturally want to see them enjoy themselves. Lets face it, nothing is more fun then sex. I believe it is narrow minded to think that ones partner is the only source of sexual pleasure that he or she could ever experience in a lifetime. Some may say that they don’t want their partner to feel sexual pleasure from anybody but them. That sounds selfish to me. Believe me, a new and vast area of intimacy is achieved when jealously and selfishness are tossed out the window and a partner is trusted to “fuck around” and enjoy him or herself. When you are just watching the action you can feel yourself connecting with your partner in a way you never thought possible. Although there are three of you in the room, it is something the two of you are really doing together. I know this may be hard to comprehend for some. Even if the “fucking” takes place with the observing partner out of the room, it is still very intimate even spiritual and can further deepen the bond of trust between a couple.

Trust - Lets face it, we should be constantly learning as we go though life. Learning about the world outside and more importantly about ourselves. Through experiencing sex with others we can learn a great deal more about what makes us tick. For example: How would you know you don’t like peanut butter if you never tried it? How would you know you don’t like a double penetration if you never tried it either? I have never “fucked” two women that were exactly the same between the sheets or otherwise. Each one brought something special to the experience By allowing your partner full access to life’s sexual buffet is both an ultimate act of love and trust."

I'm inclined to agree with him, but as I may have already stated in previous posts, this would not be merely my own interest served; it would have to be hers as well, for as you may have noticed, her pleasure is paramount, even though I would want to soon follow any extracurricular sexual episode with one of our own. Yes, playing on the tease & denial route, when she decides...

I need to follow up in my next post... In the mean time; I hope everyone is having a great & loving Sunday.

Dreaming again... T&D

As I was doing other things, I managed to allow sex to creep into my mind for a moment... I know, that is probably typical male, but in my state of mind, it was more of a miracle. And maybe healthy. I logged in and played with a 'new look' for this blog, re-published some of my earlier posts, and reading through some of them. Damn... I should get back to real work, but I'm a bit distracted and venture into reading into some of the other interesting blogs.

Like the wife of a favorite, Ms Bdenied, writing about her perspective on 'tease & denial' that it was a bit of a journey for her to appreciate that, even though it seemed harsh and even cruel, it really is something many of us 'males' do (maybe reluctantly) want, and hope you women can come to actually enjoy. That part of it, I suspect, only comes with trial & error, but once some of the other aspects of it become apparent, you will appreciate this play with increasing ease.

This of course, comes with a bit of a caveat, that will vary with each of us. The teasing and denial, even over a few days, will ultimately build to climax. Yes, we have granted you the power of control, and the decision is yours, and hopefully, to maximize the harvest of all that this play has to offer, you will know when to fully appreciate the time to peak enjoyment for both of you. As the blog comments mentioned, this is play we all need to consider more... and offers the honest communication possibility for this spark of intimacy. Ladies, if think your lover is not open to this, just strip him down and talk about it... the observation may prove that not all communication is verbal.

Enjoy... everyone.

Back again...

Wow... it has been a few days since the last entry. Or anything for that matter... except for a huge surprise the other afternoon. Warm afternoon, changing clothes, and she just plops down on the bed, naked... and says 'let's talk'. Sex was a far out of the universe as it has for the last two years. I'm not sure what did it... but minutes later, we're kissing, and loving, and ... thank you Lord, invited to kiss those other tender precious lips. Fortunately, she does not like to finish without penetration. I think I was very afraid that after so long apart, I wouldn't last two seconds. Thankfully, that was not the case, and her wishes came strong and hard, and at that moment that I slowed to allow that glow... I thought seriously of backing out, and denial by my choice. But no... I started again until I also enjoyed my own tremendous orgasm.

Damn, I hope we can get back to a 'normal' relationship. Because, I still want to pursue going to the edge...

A quick read of a new blog I stumbled upon mentions her thoughts on male chastity at 21st Century Goddess which still rings my chimes. Especially her last comments:

"Another aspect of chastity is a wickedly fun one. The tease and denial realm. Imagine the power you have in your hands. Keeping your partner in a sexual frenzy but not allowing him to fulfill his need or desire to orgasm. Huzzah, that is power. Exploring the different ways to keep him at a peak but withholding the final "leap". OOOoooooooo...and the begging and pleading that comes with it? Please, please let me cum. How can anyone not enjoy that? *wink*."

Ahh... maybe someday. Also interesting that male chastity should make the news paper, as Tom relates in his blog. The Salt Lake Tribune of all places... . Although, I am a bit surprised that AL Enterprises are under the impression that US sales involve a much different role than in Europe. Interesting that they have sold 'thousands and thousands' of these devices around the globe and they're impression is that thousands of men are wearing them everyday across the country. I think it's time to quit hiding this play... wear the regular lock through airport security. Let's find out if TSA has any sense of humor...

Think play and fun... as in our lady's comments above.

As my curiosity took over, I also went back to Rach & Andrew's blog, and happily found they are still alive & well. Make that VERY alive and well. The level of intensity and trust in that relationship drives me crazy... I'm so jealous. I'm not sure I could go there with the HotWife lifestyle.. well, obviously not at the moment... I'm sure I could IF we enjoyed the same level of relationship that Rach & Andrew have, and especially if she really wanted it, and wanted to share the joy that it would bring her. (Yeah... read my previous entry). An interesting insight from another blogger... this is not for the young; it is more typically by the mid-30's group, and older, with a mature comfort of their relationship. Yes, I really do want her to be my lifetime happy partner...

OK... time to get the bike out and head to the post office. This outrageous cost for gasoline might be a good thing... keep me in shape, and maybe do as well the next time she feels a bit sparky.

Have a great day everyone...

What is a hotwife?

Somehow I managed to stray over to another couple's blog that soon caught my interest. The intrigue of what they were experiencing and pursuing quickly became a fascination I could not let go of... so I read nearly the entire blog that started 3 years go.

I have to admit that I initially thought this was not real, but realized as I read through their entries that it was... and somewhere through their blog, I realized that I was a participant in exactly what they were describing, probably 20 years ago.

They started out in a fantasy that eventually became real. I don't really care for labels, and they are apparently quite OK with the 'HotWife' label (although not quite comfortable with the cuckold label that some seem to sometimes come along with this lifestyle). I'm wondering if cuckold is a label with numerous degrees... very mild to very hard. More on that later...

Anyway, the HotWife lifestyle, at least in this definition, is Andrew's thrill of watching Rachel's pleasure while having sex with another man. (Note I did not say make love to another man; she reserves that for Andrew and Andrew only. More on that later too!) Andrew is completely monogamous to Rachel. This initially sounds completely nuts... until it simmers around your head for awhile. Then a long string of thoughts emerge from you that startle you... and as you read further about this activity, you can't disagree that at least some time in your life, you may have the same desire. Ponder this awhile... More on THAT later too. One writer/researcher claims 80% of men have also shared this same line of thinking. Wow...

Well, it occurred to me, as I read more, that I was involved in a similar situation many years ago, and I clearly had no idea then what was going on, or why. It was a couple years after I graduated from the university, to which I had carpooled for several semesters with a few other guys. One of my fellow carpoolers, Mel, stayed in contact occasionally with me as we delved into our new professions. My wife & I didn't socialize much with Mel & Lynn, as we didn't have a lot in common, and Lynn was rather high in the ranks of her organization. Enough TMI... anyway, Lynn calls one evening, late, and tells me that she & Mel are having so difficulties, and could I run over and help them out?

I remember thinking this was a little odd, given the time and such, but said I would. I quickly dressed with jeans & sweatshirt, and hurried over to their townhome. Their home was one of those complexes that was entered through either a common courtyard, or through their garage, to a large patio, then into the dining and kitchen area. Lynn mentioned coming in through the garage, and the doors were up as I arrived. Is this TMI? Anyway, as I entered the patio, the light was on and I proceeded to the sliding door, and knocked. Lynn answered immediately, and Mel was no where in sight. At this point, I am a bit knocked off balance... I realize that Lynn is only wearing a light sexy robe, loosely tied, and the dining room is empty. She immediately turns off the patio light, and turns the dining room light on... full (although it is usually half way with the dimmer). Ok... I was a bit taken aback, since I didn't have a clue what was happening.

Lynn immediately throws her arms around me and I get the biggest hug ever... from someone who usually is pretty conservative, to say the least. She is sooooo glad to see me, and thanks me for coming over, and how am I?? I'm taking this all in rather quickly, as I ask about Mel, and view her robe become even more open, giving me a sensational view down to her navel... "Oh, he's gone.." I look back to her eyes, and she knows I am full of questions.

"We had a bit of a tiff and trying to work something out... Will you help?" Again, I'm curious, and of course reply that "I'll help in any way I can". At this point, the conversation goes soft (and hard, no pun intended). "Have you ever had any attraction to me?" I stumble and stammer around a bit... is this one of those trick questions like "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

I quickly gather my thoughts and reply "Lynn, you are of course very attractive! Trim, in great shape, and exceptionally smart and respected... " And she is, it's just that I really hadn't thought of her ... in my arms. She smiles at my responses, and it's like a heavy load was lifted from her shoulders... again, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me tight. I'm not sure why, but I gave her a light kiss on her neck, and that seemed to open the door. She kissed me back, and back, and ... she steps back and lets her robe fall to the floor. I am even more dumbfounded... given the speed of things happening to me. She allows me a long look down to her.. yeah, toes, then steps back and pulls up on my sweatshirt and, of course I didn't even think to resist... (this lady could easily have been described as dom, I've since realized) and I'm finishing pulling the sleeves off as she goes for the button on my jeans. Of course, she is thrilled that I didn't bother to put on any undies in my rush to come over to 'help'.

As we began to touch, kiss, and explore each other, we're soon on the floor in the middle of the dining room (where IS that dining room table & chairs??), then laying, with the chandelier on full. I'm laying with my head towards the door, an erection that would stop a train, and she sits up as she obviously has intentions of impaling herself upon me. Curiously, she seems a bit occupied with the view out the sliding glass doors to the dark patio. Is it the reflection of us in the glass?

At this point, while she slowly teases me and begins to oh.. so.. slowly.. impale herself on my cock that she begins the revelation that I had forgotten years ago. "Mel isn't really gone... please don't move... and don't look! He is on the patio watching us." I did as she asked, but I must have gone through a range of emotions that would rock a ship. It is AMAZING that I stayed hard; I can only imagine that her slow rocking, up and down my shaft, was the ONLY reason I didn't go soft at that moment.

Ok... yes, I was 'green', I didn't have a clue what this was... I didn't know what to think. But I managed to 'go with the flow', and made it through. She then asked me not to cum in her... and I was so close at this point, especially as she was heading into orgasm. Knowing she made that goal, I told her she had better lift up "NOW" or I could not honor that request... which she did, and I erupted towards that chandelier, narrowing missing her. She smiled... laughed... and I just laid there. What the hell do I do now? My cock is thrashing all over, a couple more strong spurts, and begins to soften... and retreat! What have I done? I don't understand! I have just fucked this lady, right in front of her husband!

Lynn just smiles again, sees the expressions of wonder, terror, bewilderment, happiness, and panic on my face, and she just continues to straddle me, touching me, and spreading our juices around my body as if she were doing a little finger painting. She whispers "Are you ok?" to which I just nod and keep watching her eyes... well, ok, her eyes, nipples, wonderfully adorned breasts, navel...

I was still speechless for what seemed minutes, as she comments ... "I'm not sure you understand, but you have really helped out this evening. Thank You for being the gentleman you are. I know I can trust you and look forward to talking about this... in detail. I need to ask a favor." I'm barely able to speak... "of course, Lynn... what is it?"

"Can we do this again?" I begin to nod, and she just leans forward with a deep kiss. "I suspect you have questions, and I can't answer them now. Mel will be coming around in a moment and he is only expecting to see me." Of course, with that comment, I'm up, grabbing clothes and heading for the sliding door. She smiles as I turn to say goodnight, and ask that I close the garage door on my way out.

Hence my introduction to HotWife... now it is just years later, and much reading, and a very well written blog by Andrew & Rachel that I more clearly understand the emotions. I'm sure I have a ways to go with this. But, trust me, I would not judge anyone living this lifestyle. Rather... I would be a bit jealous.

Yes, I did visit Lynn a couple more times after that first time. I suspect I was their first, and don't know what happened beyond as they moved on a while later. I really didn't get to have that discussion with either of them that I wanted, and was a bit embarrassed to ask. But it opened my world. This was the first time I had sex with anyone besides my wife since I was married... but since it was a couple years since having sex with her too, I somehow didn't complicate my world with much guilt. We divorced years later...

So here I am, a 'regular guy', romanticizing about chastity play with my SO, and reading about the wonderful life of Andrew & Rach, for which I owe much gratitude ( especially for arousing me again with a tremendous erection. Ok, it probably wouldn't have stopped a train this time, but wow...! Hey, I am a few years older now, but in very good shape, and MUCH wiser!)

I've been thinking much about 'the wonderful life of Andrew & Rach', because they have so much going for them, beginning with a level of intimacy that most couples on this planet will never even approach. The amount of honestly, emotions, trust, etc that these two have achieved is just plain heavenly. Andrew & Rach, You are so blessed... don't ever let that get away!

So... what have they journeyed into that appeals to some of us? And how can they both end an exciting evening with a gentleman friend and then make love for weeks and months with that experience bearing into their memories regularly?

I'm sure I will be visiting their blog again to look for those answers, but for the moment, the answers include the items I just mentioned above. Oh absolutely many more are involved... the voyeurism of watching your wife explore orgasms with another man is just one of many for Andrew, appreciating and sharing the pleasure she experiences in the moment. I can't really speak for Rach (visit their blog to find that), but I suspect the excitement of just experiencing the guiltless sex and pleasure it brings, along with sharing Andrew's fantasy may be another, not to mention the safety of having Andrew nearby, along with his blessing. I do remember one comment that she made about 'feeling so liberated' in this chosen lifestyle.

At this point, I can only wonder... and dismiss the 'labels' that others want to put upon them. I better put the keyboard down for now; this is probably the longest post I've made, and many more thoughts will be emerging soon.