Grey Owl's Haunt

On the Same Path

2011-12-19T15:57:00.002-07:00

As I read through some of the blogs, I quit often stumble on one that really rings true to my interests, and Tom Allen again points to one I did not know about that really caught my interest. Titled 'Devotional Sex' , this site, free BTW, grasps the concept of women that are in total control of their intimacy, using a new vocabulary that I think the most vanilla couple could even get used to. I don't think you would want to miss the concepts introduced here, and while relatively new, there is not alot of comment on the forum portion of the site yet.

I Love Happy Women! And this path may help...

There seems to be alot of similar parallels here to chastity play, and at the same time, some distinctions that some couples will embrace that are just on the edge of vanilla (read 'boring') sex...

So... your thoughts and reactions?

Orgasm is Not the Goal

2011-09-29T15:30:00.001-06:00

I'm not even sure how I stumbled upon this link 'Healing with Sexual Relations' and really havent' taken enough time to explore it other than to breeze through a few passages from the book mentioned there:

Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships, by Marnia Robinson

Strangely enough, she has done a wealth of research only to find that orgasm should not be the goal. Imagine that. Sound familiar gents? Anyway... yet another book to add to the foray of information that promises to enrich our relationships.

Another blog with a wealth of information regarding the male orgasm...

I've got to run but had to share a quick couple items in the Thursday race for the weekend. Cheers.

What IF Women Really Knew

2011-08-29T11:58:00.001-06:00

I write here in my blog quite often of just ‘stuff’ that creeps into my head, and finally take a few minutes to actually share them here. Well… this morning is no different. I know I go weeks and months without posting, and for that I do apologize because as much as anything, this is nearly just a journal then really reaching out to the world. Another thought occurred to me today, not much different then my usual, inspired by this image I had saved some time ago.

What if, and maybe I’ve said this in several different ways already, women had the opportunity to learn about chastity play much more readily than they do now, or at the least, an awareness of the subject. If they understood that an amorous seduction was only for their pleasure, with the possible addition of his orgasm only on their whim, how would that change the whole bedroom scenario? I'm a believer that she should never promise a particular date when she might let me orgasm. It should always be when she wishes or plans, without my knowledge, just keep up the teasing as if it could happen today. Or not.

Would she be much more willing to ‘let me seduce her’, or actually initiate a loving session on her own? I often think that as much as we pretend to know or understand our sexual selves, we just really don’t. And the subject is still avoided from generation to generation. If women knew to probe into the minds of their boyfriends before marriage regarding sexual ‘turn-ons’, would they dump him or at least educate him?

I hate to admit this, but I knew nothing about truly pleasuring my women until middle age, and even then was a bit clumsy. If Only… If only we could communicate more readily on the subject, our whole world would take on a new perspective.

To all those ladies that had a sexual experience with me in my youth, my sincere apologies. If only I knew from the beginning that while learning my manners, the ‘Ladies First’ rule really meant they come first (or at least learn of their particular turn-on that pleasures them most).

If they only knew that teasing and denying me while pleasuring them often was at their fingertips (no pun intended) it would have left much more indelible memories embedded in our past. If only they knew that their pleasure was really more important then mine… And if they only knew that allowing me to orgasm just pushes my mind to quickly begin thinking of other subjects, they would make that occasion much more rare and meaningful. As Sarah mentions often, ‘men want release, but really crave denial’. That’s so true.

If only my lady knew that the insecure jealousy factor of typical male possessiveness could be replaced with a much more expression of freedom for her, would she take that occasional freedom and exercise it with a lover, as long as she understood she must share her (hopefully) delightful experience with me?

If only she knew that her pleasure, even at the hand (or cock) of a lover was more important than mine, would she embrace that gift? If she knew that she had the freedom to experience an occasional lover’s sexual pleasure, would she at least take that gift and tease me with it, even if she didn’t use it? Yes Please!!

That would definitely excite me. She could be moaning Keanu Reeves’ name as long as she was in the height of pleasure; I would be happy even while locked in my cage, whether I was pleasuring her or she was sliding down upon his cock for the third time tonight. Can I learn to pleasure her with my cock without orgasm, and be returned to the cage, staying on edge until your desire returns? It is possible. Would I have the strength or discipline to do that? Yes, with her insistence, realizing what it will mean to us.

I do love happy women. She may never really ‘get this’ nor may I ever really articulate my quirks to her fully… just so she uses this knowledge to her benefit … and ours.

She May Not Be Happy You Waited...

2011-08-28T21:27:00.003-06:00

If you've gone through the process, time has passed, and suddenly she wakes one night and turns to you and says... "YOU OWE ME!"

"What?" you groggily respond.

It occurs to her, that if you had the courage to mention your dreams, fantasies, and thoughts that you would have been teased and denied for a decade earlier, and she would have been enjoying a delicious decade of abundant loving and pleasure.

Maybe you should think about this now, instead of waiting 'till the time is right'. Wouldn't you much rather come clean and be able to discuss anything and everything with your partner?

Remember, this is for her pleasure too; this is not all about you. And the benefits go well beyond your occasional fantasy.. As I saw this image today, it occurred to me that it applies to chastity play as well. By entering the world of chastity play with her, you lose that precious access to your ability to pleasure yourself whenever you wish. But in the long run, you gain much much more by surrendering that key to her. If you read the post last week about the BIG question Why, you should have some insight why the denial is important to you. And as she realizes all the benefits to her, and why the teasing that she does each day comes back to her as priceless gifts of time and pleasure from you, well...

Now follow this up with the other saying that also struck me today...

And add to the end of this one 'For You and Especially for Her'. Game On... now, go play.

Have a great week. Caged.

Talk Talk Talk.?

2011-08-25T21:36:00.000-06:00

Funny reading through the blogs and knowing for two people in an intimate relationship, we still fear opening up and trusting our partner won't go ballistic when we share a fantasy.

I was reminded today that everyday that we let pass without sharing our deepest intimate thoughts is another day of regret later in life.

How many times have we read or heard from someone that 'I wish I had the courage years ago to tell her (or him) what burns in my mind...'

So when is a good time...?

The BIG Question of WHY Would He Want and Desire Chastity?

2011-08-12T09:37:00.004-06:00

I can't tell you how often this subject comes up across the blogs and within myself as well, but I was recently reminded of a very well written explanation at Kelmag's blog that may be worth your time if this also haunts you periodically. While this is a fairly long post, read through it... a number of very interesting points are included that will interest you, and especially women who are aghast at the thought of keeping her man chaste. She may be looking to order a cage quickly...

What needs a bit of emphasis is the teasing part of the equation... and pleasing her any time and place she desires.

I was reminded of Kelmag's post while reading Lady Grey's blog (no association BTW, I haven't been lucky enough to meet her). A number of different responses surface in the comments as to the 'why' question, and since a number of us vary across the spectrum regarding the interest in pure equal partnership to a full wife led dominance. You can understand from the comments in both blogs why chastity play works across the board for those inspired with the courage to bring up the subject.

I have a full boatload of tasks to accomplish and shouldn't be posting this morning, but this is always a question I hear across the blogs. And I needed to let everyone know I'm still alive and rolling the dice...

Tom Allen's Interview

2011-06-07T10:24:00.000-06:00

Most everyone that stumbles upon the idea of male chastity eventually runs into Tom Allen's blog; one of the most realistic writers who brought vanilla male chastity into the real world. When I first found Tom's blog, I thought finally, some realistic thoughts, experiences, and advice that wouldn't scare away the ladies (and some of the men too). Finally, a researcher is delving into aspects of male chastity and providing a better understanding of this playful opportunity to spring some life back into relationships. So... pop over to Tom's blog and check it out here.

I see the blogs as a little quiet right now, despite the warmer summer days... but hey, with all the flooding and fires burning, and a myriad of other events around the globe, it is a bit harder to squeeze in a bit of intimacy with your partner. Don't take her for granted; take her hand instead and steal a few moments for yourselves. And take it up a notch with some chastity play.

Interest in Male Chastity, Hotwives, or Both..?

2011-05-31T15:37:00.001-06:00

I often just write when something strikes me, and more often than not, nearly use these pages as more of just a journal, or comment of findings from another blog, or realizing something about myself that I didn't know.


Checking His Cage First

So when I decided to look at my blog stats, I was quite surprised to see that 4000 people had viewed my blog last month. 4000 hits is peanuts to some of the blogs I read, but still... yikes.

This goes to show that even with my random posts, that there really is a significant interest in vanilla male chastity play, and I suspect the rather vanilla hotwife fantasies that often come with it, and perhaps my real world experiences into that world.

Well... I don't have time to collect stats of degrees of vanilla, but I would love to know where they are as we educate ourselves on these topics. I did stumble on a post by a husband & wife that I'll bet would match many that read here. At least it does for me...

Oh look... It is almost June; time for a new magazine issue to pick up at the news stand. Have fun out there, and don't stop talking to your partner!

Interesting

2011-05-11T10:25:00.007-06:00

My last post was, as someone pointed out, not really me and not anywhere close to my personal take on how a partnership works. My preference is surrender of the chastity key versus a submissive role.

So, in retrospect, my last post is gone...

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Fantasy or Real Experience...

2011-04-29T13:38:00.003-06:00

The comments in this photo say it all. As if he had shared his fantasy with her for years, perhaps adding to their bedroom passion, until an opportunity arose that she had to have. Why this emotion simmers for years within some of the male population is hard to explain. Why we chose to remain completely monogamous while encouraging her complete freedom is just as mysterious. I'm sure I've said as much in past posts. Had this fantasy not come to life for me years ago, I may have never believed it. Anyone that has read back in my blog knows I was seduced into participating suddenly one night when a friend called asking for a hand with a problem. My initial thoughts were electrical or household plumbing, or the air conditioner quit. It wasn't my hand they wanted. Anyway, as the years passed and I found this rather common fantasy on the internet and that it existed inside me as well. I'm sure it has something to do with my enjoying the pleasure she seems to be having.

Looking back, I wish I had kept up with the couple as we didn't keep in touch and lost contact. Knowing what I know now, I would have asked a few questions of each of them. As my memory strains to know who wanted what, I'm guessing she accepted his fantasy quite easily. Perhaps it was hers all along.

The second couple that invited me into this play was easier to accept. I've never written about it. It was a bit of a different situation, as the husband was often out town on business. Kate was another women that knew what she wanted, which made their desire easier. It began when I was invited to a 'playful' evening, along with a female friend, to play poker one evening. As it turned out, we all 'lost our chips' and the husband and the other guest went upstairs, leaving Kate and I alone naked on the living room floor. I don't think there was any doubt on the direction this all went, as Kate realized I was a 'normal' penis sized guy, while her husband was actually too large for her comfort. Wow... don't read about that often.

So when hubby was out of town, they would flirt for awhile on the phone, and I would get a rather urgent 'can you come down here now?'. Not one to turn down opportunities at the time, I would rush down and found that foreplay had already been in high gear. She didn't want foreplay, she didn't want my tongue, she just wanted my stiff self now, in her, NOW. And minutes later, she would roll over and with a sweet kiss, whisper 'please lock the door on your way out'. This went on for a period until his company transferred them to the southwest.

Not very satisfying for me, but I was just a tool to her pleasure. Sure she wanted everything I had to offer, and not having an orgasm was not an option. She wanted to be left fully filled and wet.

Ok, fine... what are friends for? We still had great barbeques on the patio and plenty of laughs until the transfer.

Still the first couple was more intriguing as I remember towards the end, she enjoyed her orgasm and then asked me not to cum. My first exposure to serious tease and denial? Ok, yes as Sarah mentions, the fantasy is great, but the actual reality of a hotwife or cuckold experience is not for everyone.

Years later after these experiences, I had that strange urge to give up control of my orgasms to my then partner. At that time, my partner didn't realize what she was dealing with or how to handle it. Nor did I. I wonder now, years later, if she has figured that out with her husband.

If only I had stumbled on a blog like this one years ago. A vanilla beginning that just keeps getting better every time this husband and wife post. If you are new to male chastity play, be sure to read Sue Ellen's account then Bob's. Wish this was available 20 years ago.

We are such complicated folks aren't we?

Enjoy friends, never say never, and be open minded.

Rule of Three

2011-04-25T15:50:00.002-06:00

Our game, our rules, our fun... but it all starts with that element that we all talk about. Well, two actually... communication and trust. And then find your own limits or boundaries or ... not. The bottom line is just do it and enjoy your connection. Because after today... is one day less fun you could have been thrilled with.

Does Rule of Three really mean anything? No... She has the key and we mutually agree it is up to her. The Three merely reminds her she controls the bedroom fun. We just don't engage in this full time (well, at least not yet). Just whenever the whim strikes her... and she has that ornery tease and denial streak that red heads seem to have.

For the Mainstream News Stands?

2011-03-14T15:24:00.007-06:00

Imagine a soft approach for the newbies, and some of our mainstream experienced women readers...

Perhaps we could entice Sarah Jameson to be editor, and add features such as on this intro cover, and softer themes of 'Should I Allow an Orgasm This Month?' Or 'Our Intimacy Leap' , 'Your Communication Epiphany', 'Teasing Him with a Cuckold Fantasy', or 'More Security: To Pierce or Not?'

This could be useful for the new interest in chastity play, and allow them to not freak with some of the more colorful paths that some people venture into as you see too often.

Women seeing the cover of Cosmo last year with the 'Own His Orgasm' title may have started thinking by now that there is more to this thought than was introduced in the magazine. And they should...

Your thoughts?

House MD

2011-02-28T13:28:00.001-07:00

While watching a little TV the other night, I stumbled onto an episode of House MD where a woman patient is explaining to one of the residents how her open marriage came to be with her husband. (Somehow in the investigation of her illness the fact of their sexual issues became a subject.)

As one of the interns was curious about this relationship, the woman explained how she enjoyed the extra marital sex and this 10% of her time allowed her to give back to her husband the 90% that he gave her. Fascinating discussion, and I'm not doing it justice. Anyway, in another conversation, the interns discover that although the husband had the freedom to roam, he choose not as all he really wanted was his wife, and her happiness mattered more to him then her monogamous devotion. They were both happy with their lives.

Interesting topic for the program, and I guess I don't watch enough TV and shouldn't be surprised for this on House MD. There was more, but some of the discussion of course centered on the differences in the way men and women are wired. Having already been involved in this activity years ago as I already posted, it was easy to understand. Seeing it come to light here did get my attention. Keeping it as a fantasy in the bedroom is still a huge turn on, and as a possibility for reality is hot as well. Never say Never. As long as the 6 rules are used over there on the right side.

Oh, and the bee sting poisoning was discovered and all ended well. Except one intern that thought he should try this lifestyle... that was another episode.

Oh Where to Hide the Key

2011-02-18T12:55:00.001-07:00

Just our little secret... we won't tell him that the key to his cage is tucked safely in your tummy...

And that you are staying home for our trip away next week...

Shhhh... It's just our little secret, ok?

So many little bits of fun that come with chastity play, that she will have fun with when they get past the initial "You Want to do What?"

Open up and live & love...

Another Year Already?

2011-02-10T14:51:00.003-07:00

If you've read this blog all along, you know I think everyday should be Valentine's Day...

Hope it is another sweet day for you too. I also hope you have a few sweet messages with your sweets...

And may you ladies wear your keys proudly.

Thank You for the Click

2011-02-08T14:42:00.002-07:00

Seems all of the people that find these chastity play pages have a common item that we all love. The sound of that 'click' as the lock closes, and we males have granted our lover the power of surrender over us.

After the click, we all have a variety of paths that make our day. Different is fine, as long as our lover is on the same path, which is where some of us need a 'course correction'. Probably the hardest part of that 'taking the same path' is just simply the communication as the journey begins. Part of it is simply the realization for her that it is okay to lock him up, to tease him, to deny him, to take the play, the teasing from him, the orgasm he wants her to totally enjoy with all his blessings, while he does not. Not this time. Maybe not next time, or the time after that. Yes his desire builds, yes he enjoys the tease, even if it drives him up the wall. Don't feel guilty... just say Thank You lover. And continue to tease, and when the desire strikes you, take him.

After all... he granted you that freedom, that power, that pleasure in knowing your pleasure is his pleasure. Take it. Embrace it, and don't look back to the days before the two of you discovered chastity play. And enjoy that moment when you know he has again been brought to the very edge, ... only this time he explodes in a moment you choose to feel his release...

For many that write here, joy comes in locking him right back up again. For some of us, a break until the mood strikes her again, as I wrote in the 'Rule of Three' is really keeping the fire going. It seems lately, I find more women want the lockup to continue. Okay... I can live with that. Enjoy.

The Future?

2011-02-03T09:10:00.003-07:00

What a wedding gift... I only hope he can appreciate it now like they will in the future.

Love this photo...

Control & Tease

2011-01-28T13:19:00.003-07:00

The thought of control without teasing just turns me numb... I know her having control is just enough to blow my socks off, but adding a bit of daily teasing to orgasm control just doubles the fun with this game.

While browsing during the holidays, I stumbled on a video where the wife had managed to tie up her husband, and of course with his cooperation, edged him over and over with her tongue. They were so adapt at this game that with his hints of coming too close, she would let go just in time... kissing the head of his penis but not stimulating him to orgasm. Their ability to do this went on for easy 20 minutes before she decided to not let him orgasm and grabbed a bag of frozen vegies to cool him down and return him to his cage. She did of course console him while locking him up, saying maybe next time, without saying when that might be. I was waiting for her to spoil an orgasm, but not this time. Absolutely mind blowing... and 'click'. Locked and Loved.

While that sounds absolutely torturous, it was obvious they loved this game, and while he obviously desperately wanted to orgasm, she knew he still craved the denial. She just passionately kissed the head of his cock and continued. We are such a mystery to our partners and ourselves even. In my mind, he would turn around and pleasure her to multiple orgasms to her hearts content.

Ahhh... hope you can find time in today's schedule for some play of your own. Practice Practice Practice.

Update: this isn't the one I remember, but close... enjoy. Or from the same couple.. whew!

Peace

2010-12-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

Patience Grasshopper

2010-12-22T17:29:00.007-07:00

After just reading comments over at A Wonderful Journey, I tossed in a comment at the end and then sat back to reflect for a moment that I could use a bit of encouragement as well, but I just don't take the time to really blog about where my life is at the moment. Duh...

I'm just too quick to live in the moment of the rest of you, and don't offer where I am in comparison (not that any of our lives would correspond exactly anyway...). And at the moment, it is mute anyway. However, I did just get an interesting email from someone that flirts with me occasionally that ended with a comment that I'm not sure I understand: 'I greet that place where you and I are one'. ???

I'm not sure what she means by that and not yet in a position to push that communication aspect that I keep mentioning throughout my blog. Sigh...

In the meantime, I'll keep re-reading Sarah's BCWYWF and think through what I would say when the moment arrives. Thanks again to all of you in blogland that share your stories and experiences, for what you write lifts many more to push towards the intimacy we seek.

Stay warm and safe travels to you.

Small Gifts, Happy Wishes

2010-12-21T11:37:00.003-07:00

Suddenly it is that time of year again... and I'm hoping everyone gets what they want on their list. Of course, depending on how naughty and nice you've been may depend on what will appear Saturday morning.

Here's hoping for that there is a small gift for you both, may it bring you much happiness and days weeks and months of glowing intimacy that will keep smiles on your lips well past winter and into the warmth of summer...

Now I hope you both compiled your list to Santa of all the expectations and hopes for the holiday and top it off by sharing it with your partner.

Regarding Intimacy - Which Would He Choose?

2010-12-14T13:58:00.010-07:00

If you set your husband/boyfriend down and viewed a long list of exotic photos, which do you think he would select? And why? What is it that drew him to that photo? Lust? Content? Composition? Or just clearly the sex...?

And your views on the same photo? Or some he didn't select? Any fantasies shared with masturbation? Threesomes? Kinks? No... I don't include male chastity play as kink; we are just ahead of the game. Maybe I've been here too long, but male chastity play is just deep intimacy within a couple that love each other. OK, maybe on the edge-of-vanilla (where have I heard that before?) Anyway, here is an interesting spot if case you need a starting place.

Just another avenue to explore the levels of comfort in talking through the intimacy that the two of you share. Does he have a few photos tucked away in a folder somewhere he hasn't shared with you? Just wondering...

WAIT... I forgot to add if you really are curious about his reactions, try it with him naked. A twist on reading his 'body language' and how it corresponds to what he says...

Busted... By Balancing a Check Book?

2010-12-06T14:45:00.003-07:00

While running through the monthly expenditures, she pauses on a paypal purchase. "You bought a book via PayPal? What is it about?"

"It is a book on intimacy, by Sarah Jameson, titled 'Be Careful What You Wish For'. Would you like to read it? It is in our shared directory..."

So far... I don't think she has cracked it, so on to the suggestions Sarah has in the book for 'making the leap'. Hmmmm....

I breezed through her book the first time, and I'm starting a second read, and truly appreciate the depth and content, and would put it on your 'must read' list for the holiday if you haven't started that yet.

Believe It ... He DOES really mean it.

2010-12-06T13:46:00.006-07:00

While getting a few rare moments again, I wandered over to MikeCB's Chastity Journey and read a recent post that I would agree with regarding whether women really believe we mean it. Tease me and deny me. The truth is, years ago in my youth, I would have probably not believed it either... WHY would a man rather be repeatedly on the edge and not be allowed to orgasm, and love to see his partner pleasured to the hilt? As ofter as she desires?

While we are all wired a bit differently, and each of us will vary slightly in those desires and perhaps the degree of being teased & denied, unmistakeably there are many men out here that want exactly that. And as many of the 'real' life blogs are finally saying... the benefits for her typically exceed anything he is experiencing.

Wander over and check the full text... and ladies, if you don't trust the concept, just feel free to try it. Once you start the journey, I doubt you will want to go back...

Grey.

From High on the Mountain... Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T17:41:00.002-07:00

Hope everyone has a warm and friendly holiday... with double helpings of love...
Cherish and enjoy all that surrounds us.

My Naivete?

2010-11-18T11:39:00.002-07:00

Browsing a quick moment this morning brought me to two words that I've not known before, although I'm intimately familiar with both. Compersion and Candaulism. I've got to run and must return later to the discussion, but didn't want to forget them, since many who read these pages can relate to both, either in practice or fantasy...

Later...

Diversity & Communication

2010-11-16T11:13:00.003-07:00

After skimming through a few blogs this morning, I see a common thread again that I've written about numerous times... and it still appears as a major barrier to many of us. Communication. I probably don't need to reiterate the importance of it again (you will find it many times through the history of my blog), so I'll fore go the subject, other than to say I wish there were as easier way for each of us to stop dancing around the thoughts in our heads and just get it right.

Another theme that peeks from under the sheets... diversity. Thankfully, each of us is a bit different and our response to the variety of stimuli is as varied as the day is long. While I really enjoy reading the blogs, and try not to judge what stirs emotions in one direction or another, I find it incredibly interesting that the general themes surface as they do. I can see as I write this that I could easily spend the rest of the day writing on the subject, but that won't happen with the dead lines I have. Perhaps another time...

I most appreciate when couples share their thoughts on the blogs, and see responses from partners that indicate the emotions or thoughts from their partners seem to flow through where they might not have made it through the verbal exchange, or even the barrage of events that pass through our daily lives. Kudos to those of you that find a way to extend that communication and understanding that we all seek. What I do wonder is if our simply wearing of the steel cage and surrendering the key to our ladies is a special extension of making that higher level of communication possible between us. Intimacy with extra frosting on the cake...

Ok, and yes, then there is all the deep emotions associated with 'OMG - He is giving me the power of control over his orgasms... and allowing me unlimited pleasure to all I can have'.

I'm rambling and must get back to the tasks at hand... (no, not that one, real work). Have a great day in chastity.

Gaining Popularity?

2010-10-21T16:24:00.003-06:00

Seems this latest find is gaining as the cage of choice... just not TSA safe. But that may become mute with the new body scanners being employed?

So comfort and increasing choice of our ladies?

Love the Real Blogs

2010-10-21T15:35:00.002-06:00

I'm not gone... just buried. But I still try to get out and read a number of the blogs and love reading life moving along, and while day to day stuff will always be there, the play continues, and in some cases, grows (no pun intended).

Keep talking and thanks for sharing!

Sarah Nails It AGAIN!

2010-09-18T14:55:00.004-06:00

I don't know what I was reading lately, or if something in her new Guide triggered something, but as I commented in her blog, the thoughts of why male chastity play appeals to me was, again, rumbling through me head. Then she writes on the very subject today in her blog. Incredible...

Just wander over and read today's blog and you'll know what I think is missed by too many women. It is so obvious men and women are just plain wired differently, and as she has mentioned repeatedly, we males do WANT our orgasm, but do crave the denial. It is paradox to be sure, and just too few people know this even exists. I WANT my orgasm, but more than that, LOVE the experience to see her heaven sent in pure unbridled pleasure.

Thanks Sarah for your insights here... I clearly don't have the time to devote as you have taken in the last six months to pour your energy to trying to share this loving concept with us. And John, without your openness to communicate these deep rooted desires and thoughts, Sarah may not appreciate the door you opened.

Just a Quick Tease

2010-09-15T12:31:00.003-06:00

Inspired again during the night, but again without much of a day to share it...

I did read through Sarah's Guide and have a bit to share there too, but it will have to wait...

Hope it is a great Wednesday! By now, everyone is probably curious about the Cosmo edition on the magazine shelves with the 'Own His Orgasm' teaser on the front cover... I know I am.

Sarah's BCWYWF Guide

2010-09-12T13:11:00.003-06:00

I'm about half way through Sarah's book, and repeatedly impressed with the accuracy her Guide pinpoints in my own life, emotions, and how the experiences bear out much of what she writes. As someone who also encouraged her to write the guide, I did not expect the broad insightful and meaningful extent that I'm finding... I do wish I could highlight some passages as I read through it.

And regarding the previous post... The fortune cookie would apply to couples who have been practicing chastity play and not someone who has not brought up the subject yet with his or her partner. Read first Sarah's insights to that area we typically are fearful to approach.

I know Sarah & John only through her blog, but find a connection deeper than I ever imagined. Ok Ok... I hate to really sound like a rubber stamp, but anyone remotely interested in this subject should consider reading this book. I'm going to keep reading, and see a 5 star endorsement coming...

Fortune Cookies?

2010-09-07T18:09:00.003-06:00

Couldn't resist... But wouldn't it be interesting to have a fortune cookie with real messages?

One for Love...

2010-09-07T14:08:00.004-06:00

One to love, one for pleasure...

Fantasy or real, which ever makes your day, just make sure it is her pleasure. Hopefully yours, whether denied and delayed, and enclosed in steel or plastic, is most probable... you just won't know when.

Just be sure everyone follows the rules...

The joy and pleasure she shares may make your day whether you enjoy a tease and denial, or tease and release... or even if she just whispers these thoughts in your ear as she teases you to the edge.

Oh, these loving thoughts that creep into my head as my other computer crunches away on data... I need to obviously take a break and do this properly.

Have a super day... and night!

Another Woman's Male Chastity Blog

2010-09-07T13:10:00.004-06:00

I love hearing from the women that have been open minded and open to playing with male chastity, and in this case, she introduced the play to her husband, instead of the usual husband to wife scenario. And it is always refreshing to see how the play progresses and grows to an equitable (or more) level for her and her partner.

As well, it is nice to see some intelligent comments and finally getting away from some of the extremes we were accustomed to finding as the predominant chastity stories. Check out Dev & Ab's new blog.

And she has already found and explored Sarah's 'Be Careful What You Wish For' book recently released. More sanity and real life...

Hope everyone is having a lively and good week as we edge toward fall.

Appreciating Her Comments

2010-08-23T13:25:00.003-06:00

I always appreciate and value the comments of wives & girlfriends as they are confronted with the very foreign concept of a male chastity device. This one rang a few bells over at Cricketed's blog.

"... It follows that a few months later when he happened upon the concept of male chastity, he was ready to make the decision. My husband chose to wear the cricket. He did it for us and for me—and, certainly, himself. He wanted us to be more intimate and honest and unafraid. He actually wanted to ache for me. He wanted us to be continually excited by each other. He didn’t know if he knew at the time that it would make us share a more equitable exchange. But, that any man should want to put his cock into a locked device and trust me with its key in order to make our relationship more meaningful and sexually exuberant astonished me. It also made me laugh. There is something very sexy and very funny about the cricket."

"The question of artificiality barely brushed my brain. This man was offering himself to me in a way I had never expected and his vision of what it could be was extraordinary. It was expansive. He saw ahead but let us explore it slowly. From this vantage, the question about whether it was a crutch seemed small and did not compare to the generosity of the gift"

Wow, ok, if you get a moment, hop on over and check out the rest of J's comments.

Stumbled onto Good Advice

2010-08-09T13:57:00.007-06:00

Anyone reading my blog for any time knows how I feel about communication... and I just read about a few women that couldn't agree more. As in What Other Hotwives Should Know, she has a set of rules that we should all agree with...

Another writer wishes she had followed that set of rules... while keeping her hubby locked and at home.

So much to learn about ourselves... and so little time. I know in more relationships than I imagined, even Sarah's Blog, people keep the fantasy of cuckold play as just that... fantasy, and with enormous results. But still, the thought of her first time is extremely titillating.

Enjoy... and be safe. Ahhh.... the pleasures of a woman.

So Much to Share, So Little Time...

2010-08-05T17:40:00.004-06:00

It seems so much flows through my brain, especially in the early morning hours... I should just keep note paper next to my pillow.

In the meantime, until I find that time, I'll just have to note that I've read Thumper's blog and his agreement and disagreement with Cricketed's thoughts on the subject of orgasm control and male chastity... It is good that we're all on the same page... and not. Anyone reading my blog for awhile know I don't quite fit either mold... but close.

Anyway... I'm waiting for Sarah's almost published new book on our favorite subject. Not the Mini Guide, but the new more comprehensive one. And while you're at her site, read, or subscribe to her emails. Wow... teasing him with... oh I'll let you find out.

Chao...

Photos Say So Much!

2010-06-13T17:50:00.005-06:00

I love photos that express those 'thousand words', like this one, with of course his obvious chastity, and her loving message with one hand, and the grip she has with the other. Then of course, the anklet with the key dangling from her ankle. How can we not just smile? Lucky couple...!

When will the players in the chastity world share more photos like this one?

Or is everyone just having too much fun in 'the game'? 'Love on' everyone, and grab that camera once in a while and share.

Imagine the next photo with him caged and a caption such as 'Shhhh... I'm thinking of another dozen orgasms before bringing him to one... or maybe next week?'

Your caption?

Rule of Three

2010-06-11T13:20:00.003-06:00

When she asks for the ‘Rule of Three’, I can of course agree, or not. But, of course, curiousity usually always leads to a concensual ‘Yes’… So, will it be three minutes, hours, days… or months? Trying to outguess her always gets me in trouble.

And, depending upon my mood at the moment, may illicit entirely different reponses from me… from really wanting three minutes, to hoping for three months. As I continue to learn about myself, the short term desire for the ‘3 minutes’ lockup is just that. Three minutes, and a typical lovemaking moment of heaven with her. And maybe a week before life and busy schedules allow another break and time for love.

But, on the other hand… three months of spending time in her tease & denial lockup somehow always ends up in much more frequent lovemaking, although my chance of reaching the big ‘O’ is totally up to her whim under the ‘Rule of Three’. To make it even more interesting, since it is her decision, what I may think is 3 hours might end up being a week.

And I don’t care… and I do care. As Sarah Jameson has pointed out, we males do want our orgasm, but crave the denial. Yes, well, everything in our world just isn’t black and white is it. So the denial and frustration, being what it is, is truly what we want, especially with a heavy dose of teasing… Don’t try to figure us out, just go with it. What does make it all worth while is the pleasure she derives from both the orgasms that I drive her to, and the pleasure she enjoys having me caged. I’m getting an erection just thinking about it… If you want a better understanding of male chastity, please read Sarah’s ‘Guide to Male Chastity’. You won’t be sorry; it will be in your mind until you experience it yourself.

And how the ‘Rule of Three’ is communicated is not important… email, text, or just a whisper in my ear as we pass.

And today, nearly 1pm, it is a simple text message. From my home office, I wander up to the bedroom, and there on my pillow is the velvet bag. Quickly, trying not to think too much of the consequences yet, I drop my shorts and prepare to lock myself up. As I finish, I thread the lock through the hole, and text back ‘Do you want to hear the click?’. Minutes seem to pass, when today, instead of the usual ‘Absolutely’, her response is ‘Click it NOW’. With a deep breath, I push the lock together with the usual positive sound that it is now secure. I text back ‘Let the Fun begin..’ and receive a quick return text ‘Love You!’.

Ahhh… here we go. Surrender… not submission.

And another text... 'Guess what I have done with the key?'

Real Men Wear One...

2010-05-31T09:43:00.003-06:00

And the Key is Hers...

Obviously not focusing on my work...

2010-05-18T12:55:00.006-06:00

Two screens... one on work, and the other open to Sarah's blog. And I wonder why I don't have my full attention on my contract? Hmm...

And the thought of being fully into the new month of chastity play, and playful pillow talk... And the cage getting very tight... again! Sarah's expressions of how this game proceeds should be on the top seller list this year.

How long will it take for more main stream knowledge of this play? And her description of 'feminine power'? Powerful indeed...

And I suppose she is right... I'm screaming for release, but really hoping she just smiles and firmly replies 'NO'. And when she decides to enjoy the feel of my penetration, the key snaps open the lock, and I'm free and swelling... And as she guides me to her moist and waiting self, she whispers 'This is mine and only mine... do Not cum'. And I don't... until she decides it is so.

And 'NO' again... but ultimately know that someday she will whisper 'Now!' But in the mean time, she has had the pleasure she never dreamed until our chastity play began.

Oh I hope everyone is enjoying their day...

Expectations...

2010-05-18T11:09:00.002-06:00

Along similar lines of thinking from the previous post... Sarah's shared comments just rush through our heads.

Your frustration and building anticipation of a future release from your cage, and her confidence building, thanks to your constant appreciation and desire for her... and the elevating teasing that comes with her growing self worth and esteem. And the pillow talk that has followed from those 'dreams of my good friend Tom...' Yes, Tom, of all people... actually acknowledging he finds your wife very attractive... And the two of us playing with that scenario numerous times in our lovemaking... except now, caged, my hardness pressing to fill the cage... and your incredibily detailed description of just a few hours ago...

Wait... did you?

Sarah Really Hits It Again!

2010-05-18T10:25:00.008-06:00

Sarah's recent posting on the benefits of male chastity from the womans viewpoint is right on the mark again... So many excellent points that you just have to read the post. Getting these across to both partners in the relationship really head for the win-win (although I wonder about the 'win' for me).

As I've mentioned in previous posts of my own, I wondered how or if the concept of 'sharing' or a modern version of cuckolding, would ever play in my own head, along with chastity play. Obviously I'm not the first to consider it, and being of mind that any jealousy that spiked in my mind would be secondary to her pleasure, and her feeling of freedom to make that choice to play and experience others. Sarah and John have shared that same discussion (and on passionate levels too according to Sarah), and even though she keeps that choice as part of the power she emboldens within chastity play, it is there to spice the play to a higher level.

So her excellent writing continues...

" ... the thought of being able to have no-strings sex with someone new and scratch that itch, yet still have the security, intimacy and warmth of a strong relationship behind you. For me one of the major male chastity benefits I can have that cake and eat it, too."

I wonder if this isn't the thinking of more women, and perhaps why they don't broach the thought with their husband. If he has his head on straight and realizes he is her partner, and not her owner, and knows she is coming back with pleasures to share... then it can be another step higher in their combined passion & play.

"Knowing a man as desirable, masculine and powerful as John wants me so much boosts my ego no-end. Knowing he loves the thought of seeing me fuck another man catches my breath in my throat, even though it’ll never happen. Yes, he looks at other women and porn, but that’s all to my benefit in the long run: male chastity benefits us by keeping that desire for me hot and bubbling all the time."

She and John have struck the balance that seems to keep them at the level that most of us only experienced early in a hot relationship. For that, I am jealous... (Ok, I'm working on it...)

You just have to read the entire post... and blog, for that matter. As she mentions... it is all consensual... even as it drives us guys crazy with desire & frustration... 'we're both loving it!'

Enjoying Sarah's Blog

2010-05-11T14:23:00.003-06:00

So little time, so much to say... but I hope everyone is catching Sarah's Blog
and all her insight and real life experience that I think many readers actually seek.

And if you haven't subscribed to her Guide, I would recommend it. It is excellent reading for both husband & wife, especially if you follow her suggestions, such as the list. I suspect if we all actually did as mentioned, we really would have much to celebrate... and pleasure shared.

Spring Time in the Rockies

2010-04-11T14:37:00.003-06:00

Not my usual post, but it is finally nice and nearly all the snow gone in town. And bicyclists are out by the groves...

Love this shot... talk about a tease! Hope everyone is out and taking in some fair weather.

Wait... We're Missing the Point

2010-04-08T15:00:00.005-06:00

Those of us reading Tom and Sarah's blogs are getting quite a lesson in logic and debate... but I would like everyone to revisit the question. Oh, what was that? That might be in who you ask; personally, I would like to go back to something on track with 'vanilla male chastity', or how to provide resources for wives and girlfriends to explore a journey into male chastity without being frightened away screaming....

Granted, my blog isn't exactly vanilla territory, but much of my previous experiences actually contributed to my blog, before I realized such activities and fantasies even existed. And I haven't had time to write more of what I haven't touched on yet. No, nothing drastic... just things like my old neighbors that invited me to her bed while hubby was out on business. As it turned out, hubby was 'too big' and I, being more 'average' was 'just perfect'. That went on until they decided to start a family, and I bowed out.

There's more, like when I would 'tie up' the jewels and cock, and leave the end of a rope 'available' to my lover. She would spot the rope peeking from my beltline, tug on it, knowing what was attached, and say 'ahhhh ... this must be mine' and lead me to an appropriate spot for further play.

So when I discovered such things as male chastity, I was delighted, aroused, curious... and shocked at where some guys went with their version of the chastity fantasy. Way beyond anything I ever imagined, or dream in my worst nightmare. As it went, I found some 'reasonable' and believable blogs (Thanks Tom!) and began to call my fantasy Male Chastity Play to just engage in activity that didn't involve humility, demeaning or outrageous BDSM, etc. Just activity between playful consenting lovers that I thought brought balance and and edge to our bedroom (and beyond) play.

So discovering intelligent women like Sarah that didn't run, and now embrace this play, and hence coin the 'vanilla male chastity' concept is ... thrilling!

Sarah's Blog!

2010-04-01T11:08:00.005-06:00

Tom has found a new blog with a delightfully refreshing lady that is sharing their journey into male chastity that is well beyond the norm. As I read the latest entry, I couldn't help but read the entire blog, especially how the journey began... A simple 'let's write down our deepest fantasies and then read them together..' Excellent!

What is even more thrilling is John's courage to actually put his chastity fantasy on paper. Follow that with Sarah's willingness to actually explore the idea rather than dismiss it. And, ultimately, her excitement to move ahead and discover all the emotions that his fantasy is providing to her.

Sarah & John... Thank You for sharing!

Balance over submission

2010-03-21T15:36:00.002-06:00

After re-reading a few blogs, and some of the reference material listed on the edge of my blog, I see a long list of 'why'... Why would I volunteer to wear a chastity device? Going through the lists, some of those thoughts are of interest, but reflecting on a comment that really hits the mark is 'this brings balance to our relationship that is missing from the typical union'. And of course, just the simple playful aspect is welcome.

I realize day-to-day life is just that, with all the usual bits & pieces, chores & bills, cooking & exercise... but tossing in that bit of spice now and then, with her realization that she has choices that are at a higher level than most women will never have, hopefully will bring a smile and naughty thought a bit more often...

The Cricket

2010-03-11T13:13:00.005-07:00

As much as I want to write, time just has not been on my side; I'm behind even when I climb from bed each morning. But I usually try to sneak a moment and see what is happening out in blog land, and today it is about 'the cricket' (click on the title above). Some very interesting discussions by the author, and Tom has entered into the discussions occasionally too... Their dialogue stirs deeply.

While I only took time to quickly scan through (I'm coming back when I get a moment) I caught a line that parallels thoughts of my own...

"One of the things I love so much about J is how sexually voracious she is. She loves cock. I want her to have as much wild untamed sex as she needs. If the word I looking for is cuckold, then so be it. I love J with all my heart, and will gladly be her cuckold. I want her to have as many lovers as she’d like, and to be as happy as she can be." I'd like her to be as happy as she can be...

Where was I going in the picture with "Hubby will be so pleased..."? Perhaps the pillow talk may have played with the concept over and over and never realized. But she knows she has the freedom to take that moment of lust and finally, and fully enjoy it, with all my support. She also knows, that once she does, my only wish is that she later share that joyful moment with me, so that we have re-live that pleasure again...

Queen of ... My Heart

2010-02-15T13:26:00.004-07:00

I'm walking through the grocery store last night, and as I head for the check stand, my eyes are drawn to a display of playing cards. No big deal, right...? But my mind instantly goes to Lady Julia's Silken Tease blog...

Once you are there read back to the beginning... now it is little wonder that my mind instantly jumped to thoughts of Lady Julia.

No, I was in a rush, and have not bought the cards yet... but obviously those instructions lurk in the back of my mind. Oh, such a dear and true Lady...

Oh.. THAT day again?

2010-02-09T15:58:00.006-07:00

Despite my silence over the past couple months... I'm still alive, and, judging from the thoughts included in the image, still breathing.

If you were reading last year at this time, the concept of Valentines Day is a bit commercial, and many of you agreed this should not be a single day of the year that we celebrate each other. And I hope you are...

Now... catch your breath, smile... and lock him up for another day or two, as you wish. And know, although you both realize few of those jewels are not quite as secure as you might want... know that his 'captivity' is really a delight on his behalf, especially if you are smiling when you snap that lock shut.

You doubt me? Just mention it while he is held in your hand... or otherwise. Ahhhh....

Happy New Year

2009-12-24T11:32:00.003-07:00

Merry Christmas and the best for a new decade... maybe I'll even find time to post next year?

The way things are going... that may happen in 2011.

The Rest of the Story...

2009-12-17T16:37:00.006-07:00

Sometime later... double click

In the meantime, take your imagination and dream.

Most Important

2009-12-02T11:56:00.006-07:00

After reading an insightful post over at Watching Your Wife, I'm reminded that very high of the list of important things is the love you share with your wife or significant other. Although this is not always mentioned in some of my posts, none of this blog is relevant without it.

Love her... and communicate with her, and love her even more. Yes, I know people write volumes on the subject, as I probably could too. Understanding where each of us sits on the spectrum of life, relationships, kink and pleasure is all so much an individual book in itself. Share it with your spouse first... and then of course with the rest of us so that we may learn.

Hope it is a great week... snowing of course here in the Rockies, but beautiful. I can't believe we are already into December.

Dream Shopper

2009-11-30T10:17:00.005-07:00

My wish for the season...

Several of the blogs I have visited have mentioned one theme in opening up a new world with the writer's lover. Sharing an erotic dream seems like such an innocent way to share a deeper desire, then sharing thoughts and reactions to these deeply intimate fantasies.

Revisiting some of those comments in days that follow sometimes plant a seed that can be shared together... even better, if the couple can find a softer side of the internet for beginners, without all the extreme side of some of blogs.

I think that is why I often look for the writings by women, as we know their perspective can be much different than we may have imagined. As I have mentioned numerous times, I seek her pleasure first over my own, and love the tease & denial aspect of chastity play. I'm looking for the day when women share playful ways to tease their lover, and receive a level of pleasure in that foreplay to their own pleasure, and even more when they embrace that control of denied pleasure to him, and the eventual pleasure of granting his orgasm as the mood strikes her.

In my own fantasy world, as I have also mentioned before, I would love her to know that my monogamous devotion to her also allows her to embrace a freedom of pleasure seeking that frees her from the typical cultural boundaries, receiving pleasure as she wishes from other men. My only caveat to this relationship freedom is my desire to know of these moments and share her memories of that pleasure as I pleasure her again... with or without my own orgasm, as she wishes.

In my life, I can imagine her always wanting me lovingly caged before that tryst with a lover occurred, or even just as part of the teasing foreplay to our own lustful coupling. I can also imagine her rarely taking a romp with a lover, but knowing she has that freedom, and knowing her control over my orgasm, and the endless possibilities of teasing foreplay that I know she is capable of will bring a smile to her lips and hopefully will elevate her blissful pleasure to new highs. I think I have mentioned all this in previous fantasies.

So how does she really know of the impact of sharing dreams with me? As most men already know, it is hard to conceal our true feelings when we are naked... what she sees on my face may not always reflect what she sees from the reaction of my cock. Unfortunately, knowing the reaction in her mind is usually much harder to determine... (ok, stop with the laughing already).

I'm rambling again, so will sign off for the moment. Hope everyone is thinking about holiday possibilities...

Anonymous Comment

2009-11-16T15:24:00.005-07:00

The revelation at ' Crazy World' was the comment that 'Chastity Devices for men are the 2nd most popular sex toys sold..' Wish we could be a bit more forthright with that kind of information.

I also couldn't ignore this comment at Rachel's page (click on title above):

Anonymous said...

"My wife wasn't sure about the chastity idea till one day she noticed a friend of ours "AT CHURCH OF ALL PLACES" wearing a key on her bracelet that had a little mountain on it. Funny thing is, that key matches the locks sold with the older Miller products (cb2000 and so on) I have never seen another key with that symbol. Long story short, I left one of my keys out on purpose one night when they came over and they noticed it also. within two weeks from that, he and I had pretty much came out to each other.

So, I agree, it is more common than you might think and who knows who might have one on beside you .... at church... lol"

Hope everyone is having a playful day... and share those key stories.

A Crazy World

2009-11-08T15:14:00.005-07:00

Always nice to hear from new couples on the subject of Chastity Play... especially since the main writer is a woman... whom we don't hear from enough on this subject. I think part is just getting by that 'why would I want to play in this sandbox?' and 'whats in this for me?' ...

It's nice to hear from Rachel at the 'A Crazy World' as she & husband delve into this world. As always, Tom Allen brings a great perspective as mentioned before. I can't help but think the leap in communication and intimacy will help most couples go well beyond the usual typical relationship. I hope we hear more from these people!

As usual, pressed for time... hope everyone is having a lovingly tremendous weekend.

Main Stream Chastity?

2009-09-28T10:50:00.005-06:00

I've stumbled on a few posts and blogs that seem to be making concept a bit more well known... This first one, originally from a woman that was asking about a boyfriend's fantasy is interesting. She of course had no idea what 'male chastity' was, or even why she would indulge this fantasy with her boyfriend. It appears, six weeks later, that she is having the time of her life, and can't imagine going back.

I am particularly interested in Tom Allen's discovery of the thread and his post comments... "A few years ago I started writing a blog, where I write a little about our twist on this kink. We don't have a D/s relationship, and we try to use this simply to add some spice to our sexual relationship. We often, however, play for long periods of time, which keeps things interesting for us.

I agree that many of the forums and blogs which center on male chastity tend to take a more extreme perspective; I think that this tends to scare some people off, especially women who are just trying to get a handle on this -- after all, it's generally an idea that is brought up by the husband or BF"

and also:

First of all, I want to make it clear that neither Mrs. Edge nor I engage in this as a way to get more household chores done. I did not approach her and request denial so that I might be more attentive, and she did not agree because she thought she would have free maid service. While I understand that some people engage in those dynamics, I want to make it clear that hanging $200 worth of plastic from your tonker will not make you a better husband, nor will it change your relationship.

Mrs. Edge will be the first one (well, the second one, really) to say that I already do chores, cook meals, go shopping, etc. My denial is not a form of punishment, nor is my release a reward for good behavior. We engage in this simply because we enjoy the dynamics. Mrs. Edge enjoys having the control over me, all the more because she sees how excited it makes me. Seeing her excitement makes me more motivated to remain chaste. The double feedback has worked well for us, and each time we try it, we find new things about this.

Recently, she has become more adamant about being completely in charge of the entire situation, so we're discussing how to make that work for us. I'm hoping to write a bit about that at my blog, but I'm a little bit behind on my writing time lately. "

"Now, I will say that when two or more people get into an arrangement that challenges their ideas of emotional intimacy, then this could be a vary good thing, indeed. I still maintain that it's not the plastic (or steel) that does the actual changing; it's their willingness to give over to the new dynamic. But it entirely depends upon the people involved, and on what they bring to -- and hope to get out of -- the change in the dynamic.

And personally, I find it a little arousing when Mrs. Edge exerts a little bit of that control outside the bedroom. I mean, I'm already an attentive husband, but sometimes it's nice when she grabs me for a pash and asks me to go make her some coffee. It's not the promise of a release that does it for me, but the acknowledgment that she finds our situation -- and by extension, me -- exciting. "

Tom Allen
The Edge of Vanilla

Thanks Tom... still on the same wavelength of chastity as play... exactly where I wish I were today.

Seeking first to understand...

2009-09-22T18:11:00.003-06:00

Any attempt to divulge a fantasy always seems like a moment of enormous courage... but in our realm of playfulness, it even seems more so. So... I read into some of the posts of initial HW paths that either the man or wife shared. Wow... powerful and exciting... and sometimes very thoughtful responses. So nice to share our experiences and realize what makes us tick and how couples find their way into taking the relationship to another level.

Thanks for sharing...!

Ultimate Love & Trust?

2009-09-10T16:32:00.002-06:00

My quandary with the fascination with this subject is beyond my comprehension... but it is there obviously since I continue to revisit this fantasy.

Combining the HW with the chastity play just sends me over the moon. Yet, it would have to be an ultimate pleasure and freedom for her to really take it to the max.

Ahhh... the phone and text beckons.

Intrigue

2009-09-10T11:24:00.006-06:00

OK... this will be short... but you know how a picture is worth a thousand words... or more?

Later...

Previous Post...

2009-09-04T14:14:00.004-06:00

While browsing through some old computer files, I stumbled on an old file that I found somewhere, and had added my own thoughts... it rang my bell and I decided to share. Hope it is vanilla enough to open up a hint of future fun for some lucky couple.

After that post, and a bit of more browsing some of your pages, I still have the incredible thoughts of taking it a step further... I am incredibly aroused by her pleasure. And the thought of trusting another man to bring her that pleasure while I watch still intrigues me beyond comprehension.

Perhaps a part of this fantasy is my deep desire for gender equality; I see women as generally repressed for the past few hundred centuries and still today.

My trusting her to enjoy that pleasure with another man and then share her experience in depth with me may still be somewhat repressive..? I have given her permission to enjoy fucking another man, and come home with his semen dripping down her legs to show me.

But in the end, my 'permission' lends her all the opportunity to enjoy all the pleasure she can enjoy, and know I am waiting impatiently for her return... and know the security of what our relationship holds is as strong as ever.

Adding the chastity play on top of that permission adds another level of security (no pun intended) to her ability to fully enjoy that pleasure, and know my desire is also there (and then some...?) Oh... the complexity of the human mind.

Hope it is a great weekend...

Orgasm Denial for Loving Couples

2009-09-04T13:17:00.003-06:00

Orgasm Denial for Loving Couples

Wait… both of you; this deserves a review.

Submitted by: sandman9355

Where do I start? Probably with a definition, and a simple one: "orgasm denial" is a practice of limiting the frequency of someone's orgasms. That was easy, wasn't it? The real trouble comes when one tries to explain the reasons for doing this to those not familiar with the concept. And even bigger trouble is to try to explain the connection between Love and Orgasm Denial to those who've seen the darker sides of this play. Well, this essay is trying to show you the loving, playful, vanilla-friendly side of it. Yes, I know... When you play orgasm denial games, one of the partners, usually the man, doesn't get to orgasm as often as he used to. Where's the fun in that? Trust me, there *is* a recipe for finding joy in it. I'll be writing about four basic ingredients: Love, Honesty, Desire, and Frustration. Oh - and I'll add a sprinkle of sex, of course.

The Love part is easy. Love your partner, and let your partner love you. When in bed, do not make love to satisfy your raw need - make love to make you both happy. Making love is more than just an exchange of genetic information. Learn (if you need to) to find joy both in pleasuring your partner and being pleasured. Share your partner's happiness. Learn to say what you think is obvious - neither men nor women are telepaths - and learn to listen. The words "I love you" might be an ‘age old’ phrase; your partner might have heard this from you a thousand times, and yet... You *know* you should keep saying those words. Don't let the passage of time steal your love - work on keeping it alive.

Let's take a look at Honesty now. You're reading this text, so the chances are you're not 100% vanilla, and even if you've never done anything kinky the words "orgasm denial" have caught your attention. Either you actually enjoy the idea of experiencing this, or you want to at least think about it for a while. Look inside your mind for the truth, and be honest.

Be honest towards yourself - you are who you are, and hiding the truth from yourself is unlikely to do you any good. There's nothing wrong with being willing to accept your consenting partner's expression of love (i.e. you're no pervert if you enjoy being the one who denies, provided your partner agrees to be denied), and there's nothing wrong with wanting to focus on your partner's pleasure (i.e. being the one on an orgasm diet). Accept the fact that the idea of orgasm denial excites you, and let it become something that will enrich your sex life, not a source of self-loathing or other negative emotions.

Be honest towards your partner - let them know about your fantasies. Now, I'm not saying that you should run and tell them all your darkest, deepest secrets. You might want to keep some of those really secret, and you might want many of them remain nothing but fantasies. Your partner might not be ready for all your kinks, might even find them repulsive. But, if you never make a single step towards honesty, you'll never know where that path leads. Every journey begins with the first step, and if you wish to ever reach your goal you'll have to take that first step.

Another ingredient in loving orgasm denial is Desire. Loving orgasm denial *needs* mutual desire, it *needs* a desire for physical intimacy - and at the same time it *creates* this desire, this need for one's partner. It doesn't matter whether you're the denying or the denied one. You always want to feel desire for your partner, even more so if you want to practice orgasm denial, but luckily this is a kink that will amplify the desire.

Are you the denied one? Of course you will feel desire. All the energy you would have put into your orgasms is now coursing through you, trying to find a way out. Instead of being sated, your desire for your partner will grow, and you'll feel full of love, desire and energy.

And if you're the denying one? You will feel wanted, desired, you'll feel *loved*. You'll know that you can let your passions run free, that your partner will want to make love for as long as you will... You'll know that your partner *wants* you to let go and reach ecstasy...

Some of you will be probably surprised by the Frustration part of this essay. You see, I don't want to talk about sexual frustration (okay, I'll give it a short mention...). Instead I want to prepare newbies and romantic souls for a different sort of frustration - frustration that will be caused by internet forums dealing with orgasm denial being full of hardcore fetishist (and lunatics). Yes, surely you will feel some sexual frustration once you give orgasm denial a try - but such frustration does have a kinky side to it, can be played with, can be kind of pleasurable... Be honest; you felt some of this back when you were dating. You might feel frustrated even when you're the denying one, feeling like your loved one doesn't want the orgasms you want to give - until you realize that playing this game gives both you and your partner more pleasure than those orgasms ever could...

But if you're mostly vanilla, and romantic to boot, you better be prepared to meet all kinds of crazies and fanatics out there on the internet. Sure there are people who practice orgasm denial within a loving relationship - but you hardly ever see them on most of the kinky forums and sites. It is the ones with a cause, the extremist ones, who are most vocal (the rest of us are just having too much fun to share with the weirdos). You'll meet guys claiming that men are inferior creatures, self-declared dominas with zero experience, people only in it for the money, delusional fools with little grasp on reality, intrusive jerks who probably type one handed most of the time... Don't let them force their views on you, and don't let them spoil your own vanilla kink.

Orgasm denial can help you enjoy fantastic sex. It can lead to lovemaking that takes hours... It can help you accept the pleasures your partner wants to give... It gives you a reason to stop pursuing your orgasm and focus on the act itself, on making love to the person you love... It can help you stop concentrating on orgasms alone and better enjoy the whole experience... It makes the whole act of making love more important than the end of it... It can fill the time when you're not actually having sex, with stronger love and desire... It can help you try out more than just plain old missionary position - popular are things like long sessions of oral sex, various toys including real chastity devices, role-playing games... It might nudge you towards a path you'd have never noticed otherwise...

And it might sound crazy - you have to "give up" something intensely pleasurable, or deny it to someone you love, and the whole concept sounds real weird at first. You might go at it for hours, give it your best, and one of you might be left panting and full of unspent energy. Give it a try. You know, there's one thing you can be sure of - there'll be a * very* sweet reward awaiting you at the end of it.

��

So how would this play into us… maybe something like:

We’ve just been showering together, and you are out first, toweling dry, while I’m finishing with a quick rinse. You’ve disappeared into the bedroom, and once I’ve toweled dry, step into the bedroom to find you’ve probably gone to make coffee. Then I notice a familiar velvet bag laying on the bed. I smile, hang up my towel back in the bath, and realize my mindset of prepping for the day has been derailed. I step over to the bed, empty the bag and, still smiling, reach for the ‘A’ ring, and joining the other parts of the ring, gently but quickly guide the chastity cage into place, and finally, route the padlock through the locking pin. If I don’t get this done quickly, I have to ‘cool things down’ before I can begin to get the cage on, while trying to keep my mind elsewhere for a minute. With the cage on, my imagination already soars, and my cock quickly fills the last little space remaining in the cage.

That’s about when you step back into the bedroom with a hot cup of aromatic hazelnut coffee that draws my attention. Of course, your attention is on the cage, and the padlock ready for you. You set down the cup, smile with that mischievous glint in your eye that also says ‘thank you’. I draw our naked bodies together for a deep slow passionate kiss, and a moment later, you keep the kiss while reaching down to cup my exposed family jewels, and one-handedly manage to ‘click’ the padlock closed. With that motion, and the sound of that ‘click’ that we have both come to appreciate, you pull back to look me deep in the eye, and study my reaction. Yes… I’m yours, and you gleefully respond with a prance in your step that sets the tone for the day.

I am still bewildered at why this most intimate play has the impact on me that it does. It is still a puzzle to me why giving you the ‘keys of the kingdom’ effects me like it does. All I can do is think ‘Lord, why is this…?’ While at the same time, thanking Him. What did He have in mind when He gave you this cornucopia of power and control that I have consented to? Let’s see… yes, you get all you want and I don’t, until you decide. Fun??? Amazing how this works…

Our rules are simple; you ask me to wear the cage, and you and only you control the key, deciding when it will be unlocked. Normal for us? Anywhere from a few hours (Thank You..) to a few days (Thank You.!) to a week or so (Thank You!). You always are the only one to *click* the padlock, unless you call and ask (?) that I put it on, and put the phone next to the lock when I click it closed. All of the elements mentioned in the above article are involved, plus one for us that he doesn’t mention: Trust. Trust is a huge element to me in that it is part of our love, trust that we can indulge in honest communication, trust in sharing what is going through our minds & hearts.

Then it is a matter of time (hours, days, or a week plus) of teasing, sharing, fun, and denial, until you want the ‘real thing’ and retrieve the key for my release… and full access to your ‘real’ pleasure… and possibly mine. Why possibly? Because, while in the ‘caged game’, I will need your permission to reach orgasm. And only you know how much of a thrill you feel with that control… “not yet…maybe tomorrow”, “NOT yet…later”, “… Yes, now.. Fill me!!”

It’s been a couple weeks since our last ‘love play’ with the cage, and although I thought you were stepping into this play with more enthusiasm each time we used it, you hadn’t mentioned it much lately. In retrospect, our schedules have been hectic. OK, yes, crazy. Obviously, at this point, I think the stress of the last business deal has eased up. “Mine, mine, mine…”, as you state the obvious, moving about your usual morning routine. Except, you pause this morning, realizing your first meeting isn’t until 9am. As you slowly turn to me, I’m thinking… ‘no, my schedule is starting sooner than 9..’ With your mystic expression, you begin… “Hon, you really don’t need to be there until later today, true?” You can’t wait, and without waiting for my response, grab my hand and step towards the bed...

How does this progress? At this point, one of several ways come to mind (and I’m sure a dozen more if I know you…). This could be an ultimate pleasuring of you, and teasing for me, with my fingers, tongue, or toy…

Or it may be a simple retrieval of the key and a simple love making session, with an exquisite orgasm for you… and you only, followed soon after with another ‘click’ of your lock on my cage, teasing and denying me till later…

Or it may extend to a love making session with both of us eventually pleasured. Yes, it is your choice… with my complicated but true consent… and love, honesty, and trust.

I love you….

Alive & Well...

2009-09-02T17:40:00.006-06:00

Been VERY busy, more than usual without giving away why... AND a computer issue with a hard drive that brought everything to a screeching halt. But... I'm back. Still only grabbing a moment now and then to ready through my favorites.

Again, everytime I think I will just close things, one of you writes something that rings my bell... like Thumper's . I just can't get into the pain side of what he & Belle experience, but otherwise... very interesting!

OK, time to shuttle out of here for a while... real work to do. Hello real people...! Hope you are enjoying your summer...!!!!! Thank you all for sharing... especially love hearing from the ladies and how they feel about T&D, chastity (real or by shear demand), and about your husband (or SO) willing to share you while he remains true to just you.

Most recently, this entry got my attention of course, over at Sexy Hotwife and comments from Lettuce bears reading again... And of course... Always checking in with Tom, and Lady Julia.

Time gets in the way

2009-06-30T22:05:00.005-06:00

Like just about every blog I read mentions the time issue... it just fleets by so quickly I hardly get a moment to fantasize anymore. After telling myself 'I just slip over for a moment and check in at Lady Julia's blog, and Tom's, and then Denying Thumper... I just can't let it go. There have few a few moments during the week that I've thought about just blowing away this entire blog... and after reading their latest thoughts & adventures, I find myself spending more than a few minutes lost in my own fantasy. Unfortunately, life being what it is at the moment, extremely unlikely I'll live anything like my dreams. So this becomes more of a personal journal than anything else.

I would love to spend a few hours and a few thousand thoughtful words responding to the questions of Lady Julia, and to 'Denying Thumper', especially as I see a number of parallels in where he is and what he is experiencing. Hmmm... getting hot in here, time to peel the shirt. Oh yeah... completely naked now. Anyway, between the Tease & Denial, the Chastity Play, and oddly, the hotwife flashes... it is apparent (at least if one were to observe my current state) that a number of cords have been struck.

Thumper, if I read enough of his blog, initially dismisses the thought of ever considering the possibility of sharing his wife with another man. Until recently, when he seems to venture into some of the other blogs (like My Sexy Hotwife, or Hotwifing Exposed) and somehow a spark invades him, like it apparently has me. As I mentioned a few posts back, years ago, I was invited into a hotwife (or cuckold relationship, but I've never know for sure..) where I was seduced in an interesting setting, only to find out that the husband has been watching the entire time through the patio door glass. Unfortunately, I lost track of the couple through moves & transfers and truly didn't understand the dynamics of these episodes until just the last couple years, thanks to the internet and the brave sharing of couples.

And as I read through some of these blogs, I realize the labels blur considerably (and do we really care what label is attached?) but somehow, the thoughts of tease & denial, the chastity play (on occasion, not full time), and the occasional hotwife episode... just really rocks my brain (isn't that where it all happens anyway?). I wonder if the hotwife fantasy in itself, shared with my wife, wouldn't be enough to keep the emotional engines fired, without actually going the distance.

Yet... I can imagine a scene such as this: I'm home working hard in the office, and getting a text from her, asking what I'm up to (which of course, she knows full well what I'm 'up to'). When I respond with a simple 'working the XYZ contract', she responds with 'Honey, under your pillow is our special bag... please put it one and call me so I can hear the 'click' (she always likes that part, of closing the lock and all the intensity of what happens with 'the click', except she does it personally). Ok, I realize... she had something in mind when she left the house this morning. Being the inquisitive hubby that I am, I gratefully accept this challenge and follow that wish.

Once I call and she hears the lock 'click' closed on the CB-6000 (and she knows she can trust me to not try to sidestep that part), she asks if I'm in for a bit of chastity play, and heavy T&D? Since it has a few weeks of vanilla bedroom play, I of course answer with a resounding 'Absolutely'. It is then she tells me our old friend is in town for a night or two, and coming for dinner tomorrow night. And, as she always likes to be 'reserved' for a day or two before a coupling, and as she knows my 'rising reaction' to that news, she loves to build the intrigue (and our own special foreplay) far in advance. This is not a topic we take lightly... or stepped into quickly... and fantisized in our bedroom play for a couple years before the opportunity arose to make it a reality that she ... and I... would seize. This is where the deep communication, soul searching expression, committment, and trust really is embraced. This is where, beyond fantasy, that she knows I am giving a very special gift to her; that freedom to fully take a lover for the night, for her deepest pleasure, with my full encouragement and support. And likewise, in a special way, her gift to me, knowing full well that watching her total abandoned and heavenly pleasure excites me like nothing else in this world.

The first time, she wanted me in the bedroom as this journey began. As I kissed her deeply, he began to part her lips with his cock, and ever so slowly began to claim her quivering and deliciously wet cunt, and as much as I wanted to see his cock disappear within her, I more than anything wanted to look into her eyes with all the love and support possible, to remove any doubt that it was her pleasure, then, at that moment that I wanted her to have. With that assurance, she lapsed into her path to earth shattering orgasm, without any other care in the moment. I have sometimes watched from the doorway, or from the patio, so as not to detract from her assending climb to heavenly bliss.

As many of the participants of wife sharing have said, there is no man that can entirely provide all the pleasure that his wife is capable of feeling. Her trust that I am devoted only to her, and her pleasure, as unfair as it might seem, is apparently how we are wired, man and woman. I have found this in so many studies and references that I would expect this lifestyle to be mainstream by now, yet... our cultural makeup is slow to change. So why is this fantasy so common in men, and so slow to be accepted by women? I digress...

Then... there is the moment she leaves the guest bed, and comes to me, to be reclaimed and loved like no one couple can possibly love at this point. With the key around her neck, she frees me from my cage, and with what energy she has left in her body, guides me to climax, hopefully mutaully shared, and collapsing upon me, spilling her treasures upon me all the night as she sleeps.

Then of course... since the first time, she may sleepily crawl in next to me, sharing a few highlights, such as 'three earth shattering orgasms' and on occasion... ' no, I'm not unlocking you tonight love; he is staying tomorrow night too...' and spoon up against me, dropping into dreamland. Yes... she loves the play and loves the tease... and loves the occasional frustration and extreme desire she knows I have for her.

Oh... to be so lucky as some of you guys out there... I hope you never take that for granted.

Summer time...

2009-05-27T18:38:00.007-06:00

Nothing like a little warmer days to bring out thoughts other than the usual drudgery of all the headlines we have put up with over the last several months...

Allow yourself a few moments to imagine...

Click the photo...

And then, think of calling her for a date. Yes, even if she is in the next room, down in the kitchen, in the office, boardroom, or on a flight back to your arms. Then, tell her about the dream last night... Yeah, you know... the one that keeps coming back and that you wish you had the courage to mention.

In my case... I might be inclined to go here and place an order. I know, I know... I don't have to go that far, but somehow the symbolism just touches me... ahem ;-)

One more bit of play...

2009-05-08T15:47:00.002-06:00

Just a teaser bit of control play... Let her call the shots for the weekend... and see where it goes. Perhaps she will need a little inspiration? Hmmmm.... try browsing a few blogs for ideas.

Have fun...

Communication is so hard...

2009-05-08T15:36:00.003-06:00

I don't seem to have time to really read the blogs like I did... occasionally a comment seems to hang in my brain, especially if I head to bed soon after closing down for the evening. One gentleman mentions leaving a couple web pages open by accident... only to be noticed by his wife. That little moment brought about a series of communication, with a few days of time to contemplate those discussions, that ultimately opened a few tense and exciting changes in their relationship.

Oh... to have such an open minded discovery...

Hope everyone has a fun & playful loving weekend.

Do you see a theme here?

2009-04-21T10:02:00.004-06:00

I do collect images... randomly, whenever something strikes me, and too often without credit to the artist. For that, my deepest apologies, I should at least offer that.

As I wandered through my collection, I realized several themes catch my eye... smiles are big on my list, as are... of course, passion, especially from the ladies. I of course do like to play, do like my own release, but most of all... from all my younger years... love to please my partner. When she is pleased... I think it means more than my own. More on this later...

Hugs...

Another Spring Snow Storm...

2009-04-16T11:48:00.002-06:00

Another spring storm is blowing in... perfect time to light a fire, uncork a nice wine, and pamper someone you love...

Have a nice Thursday to all you playful people in web land...

New toy for intimate play

2009-03-22T18:16:00.002-06:00

Like I mentioned in my last post, I haven't had much time to play, but took a moment this afternoon to get my head up for air... And it has been worth the time... Several of you have a bit of spring fever and things heating up. Whew... Congrats!

And Tom found a new toy! Looks like it could be fun with the right partner! Check it out... at Kept for Her. I'm jealous... Thanks for sharing everyone!

What do you know?

2009-03-15T14:14:00.003-06:00

Yes, still alive... and not living, just busy, like most of you.

In the middle of the night, when my brain inexplicably pops on, I remember thinking back to the subject of lists... probably because someone on Facebook was filling out one of their profiles. I went beyond, and was pondering what we would think of if we had to come up with lists with 100 'things':

100 Things I like about myself
100 Things I like about my partner/spouse (roommate?)
100 Things I would like to change in the world
100 Places I want to visit in my life (yes, the 'bucket' list)
100 Intimate moments I would love to share in my life
Your turn... what would you add to this crazy list of lists?

I know, you thinking... 'Grey, what does this have to do with love, intimacy, trust, chastity play, enjoying her pleasure?' No, I can't answer that, just that I've been so busy that I hardly get out to the neighborhood blogs... and haven't therefore had much time to reminisce about old memories. I fear that not having an intimate relationship means 'use it or lose it' setting in again. Yeah... sex once in five years is extremely sad. That does make my life no more than a roommate status.

Happy Valentines...

2009-02-11T18:26:00.003-07:00

I hope everyone reading these pages have a very special loving day, with all the possibilities that we can imagine, and have the courage to share with our partner. I can't remember which of the blogs listed in my list mentioned it, but the couple set down and made a list of 100 items about themselves that they then shared with their mate... I want to try it... have you?

I only wish I could share in the intimacy of this day...

Moving toward Valentines Day

2009-02-11T18:07:00.003-07:00

This is not a day to ignore in most happy homes, although I must. She does not appreciate this date on the calendar, thinking it is only there for commercial reasons. "Every day should be Valentine's Day..." Ok, I can't argue with that. I hope everyone has a very special day, however you chose to celebrate...

Of course, some of us may be planning ahead and treat the day as a special time to explore a little fun... Have fun with this idea; use him now, or tease and deny him a bit before the weekend..?

Have fun and keep loving...

Speak the Language...

2009-02-11T18:02:00.003-07:00

I always thought I had a command of our language, although it seems many times I just really miss the mark. I know... it takes two to communicate. Well, I'll keep trying... although sometimes I wish what I said would spark the response in this photo.

Interesting... no, I don't think so.

2009-02-07T17:12:00.004-07:00

I'm just not into pain... but this is an interesting use of technology that I did not expect to see.

DreamLoverLabs has a toy that ... well, check it out for yourself (click on title above)

Discovered by CagedOne

More 'Enlightenment'

2009-02-03T13:28:00.008-07:00

While she was reading from 'The Female Brain', as I mentioned in my previous post, a reference came up that women first choose a mate that will be a lover, provider, secure, now and for years to come. Then, as we are beginning to understand, and as I've discovered in several different references lately, she may dream about, or choose, a lover, for a brief tryst, or even on-going for some period. Also mentioned is the difference in the 'hard wiring' of the sexes, and how he is more likely to be monogamous to the relationship. ok... scientifically, we may understand that we've been wired this way for countless centuries, but the other driving forces are varied.

As I've wandered through a few of the blogs, I've run into a distaste for the label 'cuckold', which I also have had heartburn with too (also in my previous posts). I ran into a more 'modern', and acceptable, definition of the word that places it more in line with 'hotwifing'. That is, it is more about a loving husband wanting his wife to be more empowered and in control of her own pleasure, which he ultimately shares when she returns and recounts her latest escapade. This is too brief to go into here, but the links I've added under 'Interesting Reading' offers volumes of fascinating information that offers even more insight than I have gleaned from the personal couples blogs.

One very striking observation is that much of our current, or recent monogomous marital behavior was based in part, on jealousy and possessiveness, which is historically religious based on the premise that women were property. This is, of course, if you have read any of my previous diatribe, not who I am. And at least partially why I find the hotwife concept of such interest, along with the fascination of loving my partner and knowing her pleasure during, or after, an evening out (or in, as it may be). Anyway, plenty of reading if you find the subject interesting, and while you are at it, check out the '10 Rules' and modify slightly to apply to your situation rather than the 'open' relationship as orignally drafted. The research suggests that the hotwifing/cuckold fantasy is probably the #1 fantasy ever... possibly for both sexes, but highly repressed for women.

Of course, my personal twist adds the playful possession aspect, willingly granted, of chastity play, and extending the tease & denial foreplay of the day, waiting for her anticipated return to my loving arms.

Have a good day...

Lost couple found...

2009-01-31T14:26:00.005-07:00

I should check my email more often... I had discovered a blog a while back that, like some others, had disappeared. When I emailed, hoping to find them alive and well, they responded with a 'come visit us on our new blog'. Jay and Joy... very nice to see you back alive and... extremely well.

Their journey is worth the time to read, and the thoughts & feelings through the experience are magical... and I've only read through 'the Australian' portion. What struck me was the very feelings I imagined along this first time experience, by both Jay, and especially Joy. Of course, the strength and depth of the intimacy and trust of their relationship is probably what really draws me, and what I really crave.

And perhaps another, although they haven't posted for a couple months...?

Chasity and Cuckolding

2009-01-29T18:52:00.003-07:00

Another interesting blog... with some similar sentiments:

Chastity play and cuckolding (although I still think there may be a 1 to 10 scale for that cuck term)

Gotta run... have a great day (and better night)!

NEED to write more...

2009-01-29T18:33:00.003-07:00

I've been overloaded with thoughts (ok, I'm male.. duh) and just haven't gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to hit the keyboard lately. But I have been listening to my "partner" as she reads through a book she received for Christmas, from the NY Times best seller list: The Female Brain. The comments that she has shared, along with a variety of insight as I have managed with a little blog reading, really perks up the ears.

But... I don't have time to share them at the moment. In a nutshell... some of the comments in the book, especially the Love & Trust chapter and others, makes me wonder if some of what we (yes, you and I) think is on the fringe, or somewhat kinky, is really more natural then we realize. Ok... I do hope to really embellish those thoughts soon. What a teaser... right? wink.

Happy New Year...?

2009-01-16T15:25:00.003-07:00

Just popping by to say I'm still breathing and half-way paying attention... As I breeze through a few of the blogs, it appears most of us are really busy in the new year, and had little time to spend in our writing. Except for Tom... whew... Boy, you do know how to draw a crowd. Thanks!

Last minute shopping?

2008-12-23T14:22:00.004-07:00

Need ideas for a last minute gift? Small is always good... especially if it involves a bit of fun and loving play.

May your holiday be rich with love, if nothing else... nothing else is as precious as each other, the trust, love, and intimacy that you are capable of sharing.

Dear Friends ...

2008-12-20T19:05:00.003-07:00

Wishing everyone all the best in these ... most interesting times.
Merry Christmas!

As I was writing a few holiday cards last night, I had the IFC channel on the TV, and quickly realized that the movie was quite interesting. Body of Evidence was uncut and loaded with more body than evidence... whew. Following it was Kinsey, also not a new movie, it is just that I don't see much TV, and this was also quite interesting... and contained, obviously a serious boatload of different aspects of human sexuality that I've read about in the past several months. I'm sure I am probably the last one to see these two; the first for more just raw sex and 'who dun it' intrigue, and the second for material I did not know was covered in the Kinsey research. Honestly... I did get all my cards finished... at about 1am.

Digging Deeper into ... Myself?

2008-12-16T18:14:00.005-07:00

While running through the blogs, I stumbled across the link (click on the title above) that offers insight to the complexity of several ... make that 'many' of us? I need to hit the weights and dinner but have you visited this site before?

On another line of thought... I realized I had collected, over the years, quite a few photos from our different postings. It struck me as I was viewing through the array that if the photo was a beautiful women, I loved those wonderful naked ladies with a sincere smile on their face... like most of those found at www.domai.com. Many of the others that appealed to me included a 'most pleasurable' expression of joy in the women's face as she was engaged in sex. As I have only scratched the surface of the web site mentioned above, it is clear I love to watch, as does more of us than we will admit. I'm thinking that watching that expression on my lover's face is extremely enticing...

Another note, also covered in the same site, is the link to spirituality and our curious lifestyles. I just finished reading 'The Shack'... and if you have also, you know why it is still on the best sellers list week after week. The interesting thing, although the focus of the book seems directed to another area entirely, is ... OMG... many of our societal rules are created by... us. Yeah... not God, but rather society. Because so many of our relationships are so fragile? Because we males have (or at least I've been told) difficulty expressing our selves, and our feelings?

I've barely started here, but need to exercise now (ok, yeah look what you have done Tom, we're all thinking healthy! ... Just kidding ;-) Yes... chastity, tease & denial too, but if you are handing that key away, you want to be still looking good in that cage).

Love on Ladies & Gentlemen.

Trust & Intimacy comment

2008-12-06T16:43:00.003-07:00

A writer "Wads" on another website expressed a few comments that I think mirrors what I have been wondering for a couple months... to a point:

...The question of how he could be ok with another man screwing his wife hit me. It all had to do with intimacy and trust. Let me explain:

Intimacy - Sex is the most intimate act we humans can experience. While this may be hard for non lifestylers to understand, there is an indescribable degree of intimacy in watching your partner “fucking” someone else. I use the term “fucking” purposely, because that is what is going on. Pure, animalistic pleasure seeking fun. You love someone, you naturally want to see them enjoy themselves. Lets face it, nothing is more fun then sex. I believe it is narrow minded to think that ones partner is the only source of sexual pleasure that he or she could ever experience in a lifetime. Some may say that they don’t want their partner to feel sexual pleasure from anybody but them. That sounds selfish to me. Believe me, a new and vast area of intimacy is achieved when jealously and selfishness are tossed out the window and a partner is trusted to “fuck around” and enjoy him or herself. When you are just watching the action you can feel yourself connecting with your partner in a way you never thought possible. Although there are three of you in the room, it is something the two of you are really doing together. I know this may be hard to comprehend for some. Even if the “fucking” takes place with the observing partner out of the room, it is still very intimate even spiritual and can further deepen the bond of trust between a couple.

Trust - Lets face it, we should be constantly learning as we go though life. Learning about the world outside and more importantly about ourselves. Through experiencing sex with others we can learn a great deal more about what makes us tick. For example: How would you know you don’t like peanut butter if you never tried it? How would you know you don’t like a double penetration if you never tried it either? I have never “fucked” two women that were exactly the same between the sheets or otherwise. Each one brought something special to the experience By allowing your partner full access to life’s sexual buffet is both an ultimate act of love and trust."

I'm inclined to agree with him, but as I may have already stated in previous posts, this would not be merely my own interest served; it would have to be hers as well, for as you may have noticed, her pleasure is paramount, even though I would want to soon follow any extracurricular sexual episode with one of our own. Yes, playing on the tease & denial route, when she decides...

I need to follow up in my next post... In the mean time; I hope everyone is having a great & loving Sunday.

Love and Kinks?

2008-12-04T13:20:00.010-07:00

I've been bad... I've been all over the web today. And not really accomplishing anything, except gathering a wealth of insight on life that don't really pertain to me at the moment. I'm looking forward to the holidays when I will have a little more time to do the same.

Nice catching up on a few blogs; love to check in and see shat so many are writing about. I usually start with Tom (school reunion??) over at the Edge of Vanilla, and Lady Julia of course; she usually makes my day ... love that lady. And lately, checking in with Rach & Andrew, Ally & Hubby, and Bacon & Lettuce over on the Hot Wife side. If you read any of my previous posts, you know I have a history there that I had buried in my memories until reading these recent posts, and gaining some insight on what that world is all about. There are a dozen more as well when I have time...

I've been a monogamous partner for 10 years now, but in my previous relationship, not so much... the brief dip into the MFM world as mentioned, and a string of other relationships, and many fond memories...

Still, the desire to remain monogamous remains, but I can't stay in the loveless trench I find myself. I realize too many sleepless nights, dreaming about love & intimacy. The loveplay with male chastity is still strong, and oddly, the interests in sharing obviously touches a nerve... in a different way. It could be shear desire to have that deep of a relationship, with the confidence that the strength of our love would forever endure while extending the pleasure and excitement of my lover, while keeping the excitement in our relationship as well.

I know there are scores of people out there that wouldn't for a moment think about such a past time, and would judge us wrong for this path taken. Of course, if you are such a person, it is time to exit this blog immediately.

For the rest of us, realizing the depth and strength of relationship excitement at this level is excuciating, frightening, tingly, nerve racking, and wonderfully pleasurable. Ahhh.. time to go down to the basement gym, or hit the snow shovel... I think we have about 5" of new snow by now.

My first personal photo!

2008-11-29T16:57:00.004-07:00

I participated in the Turkey Trot... can you see me? Yeah, in the red hat! Hope everyone had a safe & sane Thanksgiving, and appreciate the day, friends, family, and good health.

Dreaming again... T&D

2008-11-16T11:21:00.008-07:00

As I was doing other things, I managed to allow sex to creep into my mind for a moment... I know, that is probably typical male, but in my state of mind, it was more of a miracle. And maybe healthy. I logged in and played with a 'new look' for this blog, re-published some of my earlier posts, and reading through some of them. Damn... I should get back to real work, but I'm a bit distracted and venture into reading into some of the other interesting blogs.

Like the wife of a favorite, Ms Bdenied, writing about her perspective on 'tease & denia l' that it was a bit of a journey for her to appreciate that, even though it seemed harsh and even cruel, it really is something many of us 'males' do (maybe reluctantly) want, and hope you women can come to actually enjoy. That part of it, I suspect, only comes with trial & error, but once some of the other aspects of it become apparent, you will appreciate this play with increasing ease.

This of course, comes with a bit of a caveat, that will vary with each of us. The teasing and denial, even over a few days, will ultimately build to climax. Yes, we have granted you the power of control, and the decision is yours, and hopefully, to maximize the harvest of all that this play has to offer, you will know when to fully appreciate the time to peak enjoyment for both of you. As the blog comments mentioned, this is play we all need to consider more... and offers the honest communication possibility for this spark of intimacy. Ladies, if think your lover is not open to this, just strip him down and talk about it... the observation may prove that not all communication is verbal.

Enjoy... everyone.

Time... to get a life

2008-09-04T13:27:00.006-06:00

Fantasy time is going away... this blog may just become a normal journal, just blow steam, and not worth anyone's time. So delete any references to this old blog. This isn't to say I won't stop by and read yours ...

I just need to focus on life.

Two is company...

2008-08-12T10:11:00.006-06:00

OK... I'm struggling here. I never know where I stand in this 'relationship'. Actually, I'm just a room mate. Period. Add 'fool'. This has to change...

I've been reading a variety of blogs, and a million thoughts go through my head, but... in the end, I think the one thing I really want the most is simply a loving relationship. After that, obviously, is the communication. That is the core of almost all the relationships I have been reading; communicate and be honest... establish and build the trust, and don't get lazy.

Keep building that trust and sharing what passes through your head with her. It is sometimes work, but hey... many of the blogs would not be there, or worth reading with only a fantasy here and there. When both of you are making comments and blogging, the rest of us really sit up and notice. Thank you for sharing... It gives me hope that someday I can get there.

I'm rambling...

Whoa... Interesting profile

2008-06-29T16:36:00.009-06:00

This 'test', from okcupid.com is actually pretty interesting...

*** ***

TYPE N

You scored 83 imagination, 71 confidence, 33 dominance, and 67 generosity!

You are a KINKY, CONFIDENT, SUBMISSIVE lover who prefers to GIVE. This means that:

You like relatively kinky sex, and you have the great imagination that will always keep your partner guessing and excited! There's no getting bored with you around, you could never settle for dull sex, you want something fun and new all the time. You aren't afraid to try out anything you hear about. You might just be an intelligent lover who needs to be mentally engaged, or perhaps you have some dirty dark secret kinky desires, but either way, you're never boring.

You are pretty confident in bed. This means that you know you can please your lover. Maybe you've read a lot of sex manuals, or have the experience from previous lovers, or just tend to be skilled at whatever you get your hands on, but you're good and you know it. You can really get results and know that you have pure talent, so you won't be hiding away shy, pretending to be all innocent. Your partners love your naughty self assurance, you don't hesitate and this makes you a sensational lover.

You tend to be submissive in bed, so you prefer to go along with what your lover likes rather than your own plans. You might like being ordered around and acting out a slave/master fantasy, or perhaps you just get turned on by being helpless and unable to move. Or maybe it's as simple as you lacking courage so preferring firm instructions in bed to make sure you are doing things right. Either way, you won't be dominating your lover anytime soon, and might prefer the missionary position to any others.

You prefer to give than receive. This makes you a very unselfish lover, devoted to the needs of your partner rather than your own. You get your pleasure from seeing them get theirs, you are a model sex partner. I'm sure plenty of people would love to have someone like you in bed with them! Remember though that if your partner gets pleasure from returning the favour it's okay to let them, they might love giving as much as you do!

WE SUGGEST YOU: Get crazy with the kissing. It sounds basic, but perhaps with all your wonderful kinky antics and games, you have forgotten how good it can feel just to kiss someone all over, and have the same done to you! Practise with different kissing styles, kiss your lover in places you've never kissed them before. Kiss to tickle, kiss to seduce, kiss for hours, or kiss when you know you can't go any furthur with it, like when you have to be at work soon. Rediscover kissing.

*** ***

If you have read any of my previous posts, you can see 'inclinations' that would correspond to their assessment. Have you tried this?

Back again...

2008-06-27T11:10:00.016-06:00

Wow... it has been a few days since the last entry. Or anything for that matter... except for a huge surprise the other afternoon. Warm afternoon, changing clothes, and she just plops down on the bed, naked... and says 'let's talk'. Sex was a far out of the universe as it has for the last two years. I'm not sure what did it... but minutes later, we're kissing, and loving, and ... thank you Lord, invited to kiss those other tender precious lips. Fortunately, she does not like to finish without penetration. I think I was very afraid that after so long apart, I wouldn't last two seconds. Thankfully, that was not the case, and her wishes came strong and hard, and at that moment that I slowed to allow that glow... I thought seriously of backing out, and denial by my choice. But no... I started again until I also enjoyed my own tremendous orgasm.

Damn, I hope we can get back to a 'normal' relationship. Because, I still want to pursue going to the edge...

A quick read of a new blog I stumbled upon mentions her thoughts on male chastity at 21st Century Goddess which still rings my chimes. Especially her last comments:

"Another aspect of chastity is a wickedly fun one. The tease and denial realm. Imagine the power you have in your hands. Keeping your partner in a sexual frenzy but not allowing him to fulfill his need or desire to orgasm. Huzzah, that is power. Exploring the different ways to keep him at a peak but withholding the final "leap". OOOoooooooo...and the begging and pleading that comes with it? Please, please let me cum. How can anyone not enjoy that? *wink*."

Ahh... maybe someday. Also interesting that male chastity should make the news paper, as Tom relates in his blog. The Salt Lake Tribune of all places... . Although, I am a bit surprised that AL Enterprises are under the impression that US sales involve a much different role than in Europe. Interesting that they have sold 'thousands and thousands' of these devices around the globe and they're impression is that thousands of men are wearing them everyday across the country. I think it's time to quit hiding this play... wear the regular lock through airport security. Let's find out if TSA has any sense of humor...

Think play and fun... as in our lady's comments above.

As my curiosity took over, I also went back to Rach & Andrew's blog, and happily found they are still alive & well. Make that VERY alive and well. The level of intensity and trust in that relationship drives me crazy... I'm so jealous. I'm not sure I could go there with the HotWife lifestyle.. well, obviously not at the moment... I'm sure I could IF we enjoyed the same level of relationship that Rach & Andrew have, and especially if she really wanted it, and wanted to share the joy that it would bring her. (Yeah... read my previous entry). An interesting insight from another blogger... this is not for the young; it is more typically by the mid-30's group, and older, with a mature comfort of their relationship. Yes, I really do want her to be my lifetime happy partner...

OK... time to get the bike out and head to the post office. This outrageous cost for gasoline might be a good thing... keep me in shape, and maybe do as well the next time she feels a bit sparky.

Have a great day everyone...

What is a hotwife?

2008-06-13T12:49:00.010-06:00

Somehow I managed to stray over to another couple's blog that soon caught my interest. The intrigue of what they were experiencing and pursuing quickly became a fascination I could not let go of... so I read nearly the entire blog that started 3 years go.

I have to admit that I initially thought this was not real, but realized as I read through their entries that it was... and somewhere through their blog, I realized that I was a participant in exactly what they were describing, probably 20 years ago.

They started out in a fantasy that eventually became real. I don't really care for labels, and they are apparently quite OK with the 'HotWife' label (although not quite comfortable with the cuckold label that some seem to sometimes come along with this lifestyle). I'm wondering if cuckold is a label with numerous degrees... very mild to very hard. More on that later...

Anyway, the HotWife lifestyle, at least in this definition, is Andrew's thrill of watching Rachel's pleasure while having sex with another man. (Note I did not say make love to another man; she reserves that for Andrew and Andrew only. More on that later too!) Andrew is completely monogamous to Rachel. This initially sounds completely nuts... until it simmers around your head for awhile. Then a long string of thoughts emerge from you that startle you... and as you read further about this activity, you can't disagree that at least some time in your life, you may have the same desire. Ponder this awhile... More on THAT later too. One writer/researcher claims 80% of men have also shared this same line of thinking. Wow...

Well, it occurred to me, as I read more, that I was involved in a similar situation many years ago, and I clearly had no idea then what was going on, or why. It was a couple years after I graduated from the university, to which I had carpooled for several semesters with a few other guys. One of my fellow carpoolers, Mel, stayed in contact occasionally with me as we delved into our new professions. My wife & I didn't socialize much with Mel & Lynn, as we didn't have a lot in common, and Lynn was rather high in the ranks of her organization. Enough TMI... anyway, Lynn calls one evening, late, and tells me that she & Mel are having so difficulties, and could I run over and help them out?

I remember thinking this was a little odd, given the time and such, but said I would. I quickly dressed with jeans & sweatshirt, and hurried over to their townhome. Their home was one of those complexes that was entered through either a common courtyard, or through their garage, to a large patio, then into the dining and kitchen area. Lynn mentioned coming in through the garage, and the doors were up as I arrived. Is this TMI? Anyway, as I entered the patio, the light was on and I proceeded to the sliding door, and knocked. Lynn answered immediately, and Mel was no where in sight. At this point, I am a bit knocked off balance... I realize that Lynn is only wearing a light sexy robe, loosely tied, and the dining room is empty. She immediately turns off the patio light, and turns the dining room light on... full (although it is usually half way with the dimmer). Ok... I was a bit taken aback, since I didn't have a clue what was happening.

Lynn immediately throws her arms around me and I get the biggest hug ever... from someone who usually is pretty conservative, to say the least. She is sooooo glad to see me, and thanks me for coming over, and how am I?? I'm taking this all in rather quickly, as I ask about Mel, and view her robe become even more open, giving me a sensational view down to her navel... "Oh, he's gone.." I look back to her eyes, and she knows I am full of questions.

"We had a bit of a tiff and trying to work something out... Will you help?" Again, I'm curious, and of course reply that "I'll help in any way I can". At this point, the conversation goes soft (and hard, no pun intended). "Have you ever had any attraction to me?" I stumble and stammer around a bit... is this one of those trick questions like "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

I quickly gather my thoughts and reply "Lynn, you are of course very attractive! Trim, in great shape, and exceptionally smart and respected... " And she is, it's just that I really hadn't thought of her ... in my arms. She smiles at my responses, and it's like a heavy load was lifted from her shoulders... again, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me tight. I'm not sure why, but I gave her a light kiss on her neck, and that seemed to open the door. She kissed me back, and back, and ... she steps back and lets her robe fall to the floor. I am even more dumbfounded... given the speed of things happening to me. She allows me a long look down to her.. yeah, toes, then steps back and pulls up on my sweatshirt and, of course I didn't even think to resist... (this lady could easily have been described as dom, I've since realized) and I'm finishing pulling the sleeves off as she goes for the button on my jeans. Of course, she is thrilled that I didn't bother to put on any undies in my rush to come over to 'help'.

As we began to touch, kiss, and explore each other, we're soon on the floor in the middle of the dining room (where IS that dining room table & chairs??), then laying, with the chandelier on full. I'm laying with my head towards the door, an erection that would stop a train, and she sits up as she obviously has intentions of impaling herself upon me. Curiously, she seems a bit occupied with the view out the sliding glass doors to the dark patio. Is it the reflection of us in the glass?

At this point, while she slowly teases me and begins to oh.. so.. slowly.. impale herself on my cock that she begins the revelation that I had forgotten years ago. "Mel isn't really gone... please don't move... and don't look! He is on the patio watching us." I did as she asked, but I must have gone through a range of emotions that would rock a ship. It is AMAZING that I stayed hard; I can only imagine that her slow rocking, up and down my shaft, was the ONLY reason I didn't go soft at that moment.

Ok... yes, I was 'green', I didn't have a clue what this was... I didn't know what to think. But I managed to 'go with the flow', and made it through. She then asked me not to cum in her... and I was so close at this point, especially as she was heading into orgasm. Knowing she made that goal, I told her she had better lift up "NOW" or I could not honor that request... which she did, and I erupted towards that chandelier, narrowing missing her. She smiled... laughed... and I just laid there. What the hell do I do now? My cock is thrashing all over, a couple more strong spurts, and begins to soften... and retreat! What have I done? I don't understand! I have just fucked this lady, right in front of her husband!

Lynn just smiles again, sees the expressions of wonder, terror, bewilderment, happiness, and panic on my face, and she just continues to straddle me, touching me, and spreading our juices around my body as if she were doing a little finger painting. She whispers "Are you ok?" to which I just nod and keep watching her eyes... well, ok, her eyes, nipples, wonderfully adorned breasts, navel...

I was still speechless for what seemed minutes, as she comments ... "I'm not sure you understand, but you have really helped out this evening. Thank You for being the gentleman you are. I know I can trust you and look forward to talking about this... in detail. I need to ask a favor." I'm barely able to speak... "of course, Lynn... what is it?"

"Can we do this again?" I begin to nod, and she just leans forward with a deep kiss. "I suspect you have questions, and I can't answer them now. Mel will be coming around in a moment and he is only expecting to see me." Of course, with that comment, I'm up, grabbing clothes and heading for the sliding door. She smiles as I turn to say goodnight, and ask that I close the garage door on my way out.

Hence my introduction to HotWife... now it is just years later, and much reading, and a very well written blog by Andrew & Rachel that I more clearly understand the emotions. I'm sure I have a ways to go with this. But, trust me, I would not judge anyone living this lifestyle. Rather... I would be a bit jealous.

Yes, I did visit Lynn a couple more times after that first time. I suspect I was their first, and don't know what happened beyond as they moved on a while later. I really didn't get to have that discussion with either of them that I wanted, and was a bit embarrassed to ask. But it opened my world. This was the first time I had sex with anyone besides my wife since I was married... but since it was a couple years since having sex with her too, I somehow didn't complicate my world with much guilt. We divorced years later...

So here I am, a 'regular guy', romanticizing about chastity play with my SO, and reading about the wonderful life of Andrew & Rach, for which I owe much gratitude ( especially for arousing me again with a tremendous erection. Ok, it probably wouldn't have stopped a train this time, but wow...! Hey, I am a few years older now, but in very good shape, and MUCH wiser!)

I've been thinking much about 'the wonderful life of Andrew & Rach', because they have so much going for them, beginning with a level of intimacy that most couples on this planet will never even approach. The amount of honestly, emotions, trust, etc that these two have achieved is just plain heavenly. Andrew & Rach, You are so blessed... don't ever let that get away!

So... what have they journeyed into that appeals to some of us? And how can they both end an exciting evening with a gentleman friend and then make love for weeks and months with that experience bearing into their memories regularly?

I'm sure I will be visiting their blog again to look for those answers, but for the moment, the answers include the items I just mentioned above. Oh absolutely many more are involved... the voyeurism of watching your wife explore orgasms with another man is just one of many for Andrew, appreciating and sharing the pleasure she experiences in the moment. I can't really speak for Rach (visit their blog to find that), but I suspect the excitement of just experiencing the guiltless sex and pleasure it brings, along with sharing Andrew's fantasy may be another, not to mention the safety of having Andrew nearby, along with his blessing. I do remember one comment that she made about 'feeling so liberated' in this chosen lifestyle.

At this point, I can only wonder... and dismiss the 'labels' that others want to put upon them. I better put the keyboard down for now; this is probably the longest post I've made, and many more thoughts will be emerging soon.

Reality & Fantasy

2008-04-03T20:45:00.005-06:00

I'm just not content at the moment (nor do I seem to have time) to fantasize about entering into the loveplay game of vanilla male chastity. I did wander into and found Kept4Her and appreciate their sharing real life venture into a deeper intimacy. I know they have pretty much concluded their blogging on the subject, but my hope is they come back and share fun loving experiences occasionally. And I would truly like to hear some of the comments from the keyholder side of the experience, especially if she could add insight into how many of us could approach our mates with the same path into this play.

Hope...

No, I am still alive and breathing...

2008-02-12T10:08:00.002-07:00

and just have to stop and check in with Tom now and then make sure. For whatever reason, mostly since things are looking up on the home front a bit... I've been having vivid dreams lately, and though I'm not as eloquent as Tom, I've been meaning to post some of those here lately. Like the other night, and a most real intimate conversation that I wanted to post before too much of it drifted away.

Somehow we were discussing an article I had found on the net that mentions a couple discovering a CB-6000 and how it became a favorite play item for them. I could feel the blood rush to my head, and palms begin to get moist. I also realize that the part of my body where I expect the blood to rush... does not. "You know what a CB-6000 is?" She explains that when she found the article on my laptop that she read it and curiosity takes over. "Oh... I , uh... well..." She smiles and shares that she also found another site with a mild approach to the subject that intrigues her, and reading further there leads to more dialog that interests her.

I'm about ready to faint, when she takes my clammy hand and asks 'Your thoughts?' Before I can answer, she responds that she has also found my links to Tom's experiences, loveplay, and decides there is too much here to just 'close the door'. I'm thinking it is a good thing I'm not naked, as my body is probably surging from one extreme to the other... Or was I?? Oh there are so many times I wish I could turn on the 'dream recorder'. (And probably so many times I'm thankful I can't.)

The next thing I know, she is talking about when it should arrive at the PO Box... My eyes bolt to hers and my astute response is only "Hun?? IT? when??..."

Stay tuned... I'll try to get back to this soon.

Letter fantasy?

2007-12-23T16:57:00.003-07:00

Hello Grey,

Good to hear from you other than a few blog comments now and then. And rather than just post a response to your email, I thought we’d keep this between us… although as I think about this, don’t be surprised if you find this on the blog somewhere.

You are correct with just about everything you told me, although you are a bit ‘reserved’ – hope you open up more with her, but I suspect that is probably part of your history, right? You need to talk and express yourself better? And I really shouldn’t criticize, as you have probably have read in my blog. We really had some tough years too, and coming out of that was the impetus for stronger communication that finally opened this door to intimacy, like you would love to find. Sound familiar? I don’t think I need to go on here; you KNOW you need to get your tongue moving and open up! (Notice I didn’t say put mouth in motion before brain…)

To answer your other question (WHY would I give her keys and control?) and again as you probably have guessed, NO I can’t explain it either. And again you are correct – the web has some really crazy crap.. or ahh... ‘concepts’ out there and I suspect the majority of the stories are just fantasy in extreme. Ann and I have gone further than you describe you would like to ever go, and I can’t tell you why on that either, other than to say that once I introduced her to the idea, she had to mull it over awhile. Once she finally set down and thought about it, she didn’t exactly just run with the idea. Small steps, slowly, then she kind of picked up the pace and before long, rather than just a long weekend here and there, she wanted to play an ‘extra day’.. or two.

Hey, who am I to object, after all, it was me that found the subject on the net and was increasingly intrigued by it. I can’t begin to tell you what is it about this ‘idea’ that kept driving me… and I suspect you are in the same groove, especially when you mentioned you had made an ‘A’ ring ‘retainer like’ item from a modifed shower curtain ring. And wore it for days just to see if it was possible. I loved the story where you went to bed with it on, and she turned over and crossed her leg over your mid section, right on top of your naked cock. And you really think she didn’t feel it was there? Too bad – she might have got you to open up a bit (or a lot).

Yes, I think you know I made one in my shop before going for the real thing. In retrospect, she may have picked up the pace much faster if I had introduced her to the CB-3000 instead of my home made model. She may have picked up the pace too if she knew how well these things are selling! But I’m getting sidetracked (we’re good at that, right?). Yes, basically, just as in my post, I love giving up control to my sex, and she (especially now) loves to have it. And no, none of that heavy domination submissive stuff on the web – its just play for us, although we have fun with it now and then as some of her mild deep rooted dom comes out in the play. Hey, I’m not complaining, as much as I thought I might. Which is probably why we did go a very long time that one year. I could go on about that, but you’ve probably read most of it in the blog.

Only you can decide when the timing is right. Is it a matter of the horse or the buggy first? Will the relationship trust and love get better with sharing this idea, or should it be there first. I don’t know quite how to answer that, as every couple is different. This is, in your mind, intimate play, with no other changes in your life. You still get up and dressed in the morning, do the usual prep for the day, make the business decisions as usual, get the oil changed on the car, the home ‘partner’ decisions the same, and everything else. The only difference, of course, is while the two of you are in this mode, she has all the orgasms, when and where she likes, and yours are at her discretion. Sounds simple, right?

Oh I did forget the mention the teasing part. While in full workday mode, that will probably vary from nothing to ‘boy, will you be surprised’. That part of it was real slow for us, but it seems she enjoys that aspect now that we’re comfortable with the whole concept. Her imagination is totally devoted to her work one moment, and then I get these messages or calls the next that remind me I’m wearing the cage, and the square peg in the round hole concept becomes evident. (He says with a big smile… yes, living on the edge is what it’s about for us.) I wonder if she lays awake nights... love that imagination.

Would I go ahead and order the CB? Oh, you know me, of course I would. I would want to check it out and wear it a bit, all with the intent of sharing it with her. You made a comment once on the blog, that without her having the key, what’s the point of wearing the chastity device? Go for the CB-6000 model – I keep hearing good things about the comfort and I’m thinking of it myself. (OK, we’re thinking of it…). Not sure about where to ship it? Go on, live a little (he says with a smile). If not, have it shipped to a friend as a surprise gift for your lady (no, I can’t tell you what it is…).

You asked if I could ask Ann to comment on her side of this play. I’ve collected a few comments along the way, but can’t say we’ve had any long discussion over it. The comments you’ve probably read on the blogs from women are usually more in line with reality then the... ‘ahem’ … male fantasies. I may ask her to sit down at the keyboard and see if she can give you some realistic foundation for that question. I suspect it will be a bit different for every woman.

Do I think this will become more mainstream in the future? Sure… especially since the media has been gradually picking up on it, IF they don’t play the dom/sub BDSM emphasis and just let it be intimacy play between couples. (Yes, there are some wonderful true dom types out there but even they don't remotely identify with the web kinks that some males seem to be drawn to).

I think your concept of ‘loveplay’ once or twice a month sounds like a winner. And I think you are (??) prepared to go beyond that occasionally as we have. OK, maybe not months-on-end, but certainly weeks. As you know, the mysterious mind of a women is to be coveted, enjoyed, and not analyzed… whats the point? And I’m not sure I really want that. You are so right... just enjoy… one step at a time. I can’t help but smile every time I hear that lock ‘click’.

I’ve found your fantasy scenarios interesting (in a good way Grey), so look for that opportunity and take the leap. If you don’t, you will always wonder… And if she doesn’t go for it, a seed is planted. It may take a couple weeks, months or year to see if your harvest comes in. Isn’t there a saying somewhere about no crop will come in if the seed … yeah, something like that.

You know, maybe you should post this, and see if any insightful comments come from the opposite sex. Ladies?

Hope..or Fantasy?

2007-11-20T20:39:00.001-07:00

P.S.

Post Script? No…..

Purple Surprise!

Really? No, but not a bad 'key' phase.

PS, or Purple Surprise is really ‘Planned Spontaneity’

Planned Spontaneity sounds like a contradiction of terms…??

Well, yes… and no.

I want to use it to try adding a romantic flare back into our relationship. Why?

Because a portion of the women in our world really like a plan… and yet, they love spontaneity!

An incongruity in the thought process? Does it matter? If this is what makes them tick, then forget trying to understand it or change it… go with the flow and see if you can make it work. So… in one breath, let it go, breathe in a fresh breath, and let your mind wander with her in mind.

In my world, I hear phrases like ‘I am taken so for granted’, and ‘You think the whole world revolves around yourself’ and ‘you never think about anyone else’.

I hate that, especially when I disagree that I fit in any of those frames she describes. Aren’t I paying almost all the bills? Laundry & ironing? Clean most of the house? Do the sous chef duties and all kitchen cleanup? I think I’m just not speaking the right ‘love language’…

So… has this been part of my drive and curiosity of tease & denial? And the whole concept of chastity play? No, I don’t think it is my entire drive… just a healthy slice of that pie. After reading the whole gambit of D/s (it took me awhile to realize what that was about) and chastity regimes, I definitely lean to the play side of the spectrum. I think the whole idea of her owning my penis has been a fantasy for a very long time… Even in previous relationships, I remember being led around naked with a heavy cord securely fastened to my groin. What does THAT say? I hate that label of ‘taken for granted’… but admit that learning how to be a better lover has only really ‘sunk in’ in the last several years. As much as I want to please & pleasure her, and as much as I thought my lover was able to share what she really wanted, I’m not getting that out of her. I want to be a better lover, make her really feel ‘out of this world’ in every way… and have wondered if ‘putting that key in her hand’ would help her feel the balance I seek, the pleasure I want to pour through her, and let her feel a streak of dominance that she may never have dreamed of in our intimate life.

I want to hear the feelings that our ‘lovestyle’ is unique, alluring, arousing… a Very special intimacy between my lover and me. And if male chastity adds to those feelings… I wouldn’t hesitate a moment to give her the keys to ‘the kingdom’. I am looking for the whole ‘tingly’ package; the intellectual, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual experience.

Now I can only imagine that our ‘purple surprise’ could become a regular part of our lives, giving her the opportunities to plan, or ask me for a plan, and for each of us to add the spontaneity to pick up our intimacy to that balanced level that I think we both seek. Ok, this seems a bit nebulous… so here is a fantasy of things to come.

We’re packing for our trip to the airport to that balloon flight she has always wanted in ‘wine country’. I’ve planned this trip for months, and surprised her with all the details of a great week of play in a new area we haven’t explored yet. Lady J stops in her packing and touches my shoulder. When I look up, she whispers ‘Purple Surprise’. I just smile and stand straight up… yes, the bag is ready to go, as usual, and respond “Oh Wonderful!”, dance lightly over to the dresser, and retrieve the bag and head back towards the suit case. I ‘assume’ she is packing the key, but of course would never ask. But she stops me: “Oh no… don’t pack it, wear it.” she just smiles mischievously and continues packing the suitcase. I freeze in my tracks, look at my watch, and think… ‘of course’, toss my shorts and take the couple minutes to attach the CB-6000 and turn around to find her standing behind me holding the sacred padlock. She notes the surprise on my face and smiles with a “let’s see how the TSA crew is handling things at the security line this weekend”, knowing full well we’ve only used the padlock once before, and slipped through easily. “Be sure to pick the line with a women agent”. She chuckles, looks me in the eye as she clicks the lock shut, and as in our normal routine, kisses me passionately before returning to the packing list.

Of course, as innocently as she seems to move about her tasks, she subtly begins her tease, with even more flare, as she has been thanking me for making the trip plans for weeks. Moments later, she asks if I’m about finished, which I am, she glances at her watch, realizes we’re on schedule, and kisses me deeply again. Only this time, with one arm around my shoulder, the other hand is delicately fondling my testicles, searching for any attempt at a reaction from my semi stiffening penis. Knowing a another bit of fantasy resides in the back of my brain, she whispers “maybe a nice Prince Albert piercing would be interesting…”. I know she is not likely to ever do that to ‘her’ property, but her mentioning the fantasy alone always gets a reaction. Finding that jolt of heat rising, she backs us to the bed and a soft moment with a good stiff licking adds to the moment, all initiated by her playful thoughts of adding extra ‘frosting’ to our trip with my chastity.

Later, as we’re driving to the airport, she adds another ‘Thank You’, and a “oh, by the way, you don’t mind doing all your flying this week locked, do you?” She knows I can hardly hold back a smile, and relishes in the thought of ‘Purple Surprise” play that we’ll add to the week. She seems to have a never ending pool of teasing plots in her repertoire, and as hard as denying me was when we began our journey with the CB-6000, she relishes in the control and special care I provide her. And the special delight she adds when she finally whispers the magic words of ‘join me’ while I pleasure her…

So now, as we travel across the sky chasing a sunset, I let my mind wander with my ideas to add to Purple Surprise… let’s start with her favorite lily in the flower shop when we arrive.

What is it that I Want?

2007-03-11T13:38:00.001-06:00

Lady J, you have asked on a few occasions what I want, and that question seems to invade my dreams late in the night. On a weekly basis.

So this post may change over the coming weeks as I add and modify my list. Let me preface this with this post is devoted more to my personal side, as my entire 'want' list starts with items such as:

I want great health, wealth, and happiness for all my family, friends and acquaintances.

On my more personal side... (not in any special order yet):

I want love, happiness, and more intimacy than I've ever experienced in my years. I recognize that I'll not achieve that without being more open than I've been. I know it will take a great deal of courage, expression, and being much more articulate than you know me to be. I want you to know me as you've never known anyone...
I want laughter
I want peacefulness
I want social interaction (occasional party time)
I want bits of solitutde
I want ... more time!